RASTUS.

Waipa Post, Volume V, Issue 225, 1 July 1913, Page 3

RASTUS.

O'BiVcn ses there's a rift in the lute iv the Harmony Club. They're no longer a happy band. He ses the pacel'ul tenor iv thenways has been rudely disturbed be the ilimint iv discord. The basest insinuations hev been made aginst the tone iv the society. The music they be producin hcs lost the magic iv its charm and the precious gim iv concord and harmony lies been lost. Wan iv the numbers has been puttin on airs and another wont dance whoile the nixt wan fiddles, and its been decoided to change their tune. Oi'm surprised to hear ye say so, Oi ses. Oi thought it was the wan and only successful pace societv we hed in our midst, and now ye tell me ye're bavin ructions to actual the doins iv Sir Rol)ert Slout's schoolboiys. Oi thought it was the wan club in town that would'nt give me talents scope. Oil I join and bring me tin whistle and m? tamboreen. We're goiu tc sing Rule Brit an ia ses O'Bryen, and perhaps the Marshellaise and Bingen on the Rhoine and John Brown's Body, and sicli loikc. Conu along, he ses, the chairman's a countryman iv vours and he'll let ye play The Wearin iv the Green and y'er frind, John Peel, sing a huntin song, and maybe the hockey boiys can com'e in too; wid their war whoop.

Yes, Oi ses that would make Dunadin green wid invy and beat all the lullahvs and cradle songs' ye've been practicin. That would be a cantata, Oi ses, that fer originality and scope would claim as much attention and practice as ye could give it between now and midwinter when ye're supposed to produce thim, besoides keepin the secretary out iv mischief.

But to get to the rale things iv loife Oi'm sorry the town thought se little iv asaytiLen es te give it only sivinteen votes. 'Twas an insult it did'nt desarve at all at all after the noble ifforts iv the disinteristed parties that was behoind pushin it forward so to spake. There's all that money in printin wasted, to say nothin iv the long tiligram the boss sint me with full' directions how to vote. Oi did me duty inyway, irrispective iv results or rewards or inything else. And now its all over Oi'd loiko to see the asaytileen man, to kn jw what he thinks iv me ifforts and what he thinks they're woith. Oi'm sure meself there'd hev been more in it fer i very body concerned if we'd carried asaytileen instid iv elecricity.

Well inyway it's cleared the air and left only wan iv the contistants on the mat, and we'll git te work and ju jitsuhim in a week or two. As O'Bryen ses, what do we want wid inv loight at all, and as fer cookin, the poll shows the wimin aint afraid to trust to the ancient methid iv a bit iv the Herald and a bit iv ti-tree and a cup iv kerosene fer gittin the breakfast wid. It ud be alroight fer the new .club. Jist a touch iv the button and ye can throw the room into darkness and the policeman off the sint whoile ye git into the cupboard. The club's a grate secrit, and 1 notice the promotors , hev' successfully dodged me so far, and all the other min that are ; in the habit iv tellin things to i their woives. That's why the j wimin don't know inything about it yet, and they're afraid iv thim i startin a suffragette club so they don't want thim to know. Oi'm surproised, so oi am, that the city fathers ses there aint as rainy iv us as there are. Oi can prove we're all here, and it's a pity the Chamber doesn't pick out a man loike me to lay the matter before the Board. Oi'd do it something loike this. There's 40 societies, and clubs, and bands and brigades and unions and lodges and institutes and sich loike, and ivery wan iv them has from 20 to 100 numbers, j If ye stroike an averidge iv 25 and multiply it be 40 ye hev a 1,000 and thin ye're not countin the babies and old age pensioners. We've more tiliphones then Auckland hed whin it was tin toimes as big es we are, and more motor cars then whin London was a 1000 toimes as big. We've got more horse busses now than they hev in Quane Street, and enuf silver cups fer a city, and soon we'll hev enuf water to put with the whiskey so that a 1000,000 wowsers could'nt taste it. We're here—all iv es—and Oi'd loike to meet the man who ses we aint.