THE GOLFER'S DREAM.

Otago Witness, Issue 2355, 13 April 1899, Page 26

THE GOLFER'S DREAM.

It was not Christmas Kvo (says " J.D.8., ' writing in the People's Journal); it was the night of the club supper, ajid Fraser toased him on his bed. Be had supped well, and as ho slept he droamed. And ho beheld him at tho Gate of Paradise. He- was not alone. Thero were others crowding to- the gate, though but few entered. It was St. Peter who spo'-e first, and he arked for Fraser's score card. Now, Fraser belonged to the old school that used to play hole matches, but he knew his last score was in the bottom of hi| bag. Ho liad put it there on the back of an old euvelojM to be totted up at convenience, for Fraser was not a clever arithmetician. But ho knew it was five or six above fives. It was while rummaging in the bag for tho card that Fraser overheard another man at the gate, lie was obviously an Englishman, and he had coino prepared. He carried prominently one of thoeo new-fangled scoring pasteboards with the club arms, the average and tho net columns, a place for totals, and a great space for remarks. It was full and running over with all manner of strange figures and explanations. St. Peter took it, and looked amused. Then his faco hardened* and he told the stranger that it was his score and not a puzzle that he wanted. The Englishman looked annoyed, and wanted tc argue about minua and plus, and the rule for exceptional hazards, but the gatekeeper was obdurate. " Next.'' he said to Fraper, who again drew near and handed over his card. St. Peter glanced at the figures, and queried : " 95 — 5 above?" "About that someway," replied Fraser, and the key began to creak in the j lock. The examination, however, was not complete. "How many clubs?" asked St. Peter " Just the five," feaid Fraser, ''my driver, cleek. iron, and putte;, and a broken brassey. I carried it to frighten my opponents; but I never played it." " Tha' was surely deceit," solemnly observed St. Peter , but when he had examined the brassey ho changed his mind, for he merely remarked that anybody that was frightened by a sight of that brassey should never have played golf. "Do you ever remembei having swindled in a match?" questioned St. Peter. "Not in a eingle," rejoined "Fraser honestly , " but in a foursome, often. If we hadn't, the othei side would" "Did you win much?" ' No; penny a nolo." "Did they pay?' '"Yes. Were they Chnstianß? " ''No; they were printers!" "Come in," paid St Peter, apparently well satisfied with FraPer's frankness. " I believe pome of your friends are here Let me now deal with this English golfer " The party addrewed drew up to the oara. He had 16 olubs in his kit, and the bag did everything itself but walk. " What's this? " j said St, Peter, touching ono of the drivers <

■ That's a patent indestructible head," answered the Englishman. " Did you ever play it? " " Yes, and it put 10 yards on my drive." "What is your best drive? " " One hundred and five yards." "Humph, I thought bo," replied St. Peter; "you should have stuck to beech. What are you doing with four irons? " " I have a lofter, a mashie, a. driving 1 iron, and a general implement."

" Well, you should havo cherished your general implement, and had mercy on your caddio. How about your cleeks? " "Three; a driving cleek, a putting cleek, and a mussel-back." " Stuff — you should have done with a driving cleek, and putted with your wooden putter. Nobody who plays gun-metal gets in here. Have you any more patents about you?" Yes; this ig for cleaning the ball — a wetless sponge." " Well there are many saints inside here who used to rub their balls on their jackets. What's that in your right pocket?" "These are patent tees." "Patent fiddlesticks ! Wero God's good earth and Sandy Donaldson not sufficient? " " This is a patent stimio measure," meekly insinuated the golfer. " You cannot improve on your boot." said St. Peter. "It can always be used against your opponent, and, besides, you can make ' roadies * against him as they say in wicked Monifieth. There was a man who used a tape consistently, but he barely got in hero, and we had to put him out for fighting with tho angels about priority. He was a Highlander." With that the Englishman was admitted, and St. -Peter beckouod on Fraser. Buainess was slacker at the gate, tunl St. Peior wanted to know the latest about ihe new burn, the barbed wire, and the. feuing. They discussed tho possibilities of the first as a hazard, the bearing of the second on immoitality, and what fate was moot for those whe built houses on what Heaven made for golf. Then an inspiration seized Fraser, and lie clutched his bag. Be knew thero wero bazaar tickola in the pockets. "Would you mind. St. Peter, taking a ticket for ?" "No, I widnix. mind, roared Fraser's spouse, " but f would thank you to keep your lang arms in ahoot. I You would think ye were on Jloniiieth I Links 1 "