MR DOOLEY ON POLITICS.

Horowhenua Chronicle, 13 November 1935, Page 6

MR DOOLEY ON POLITICS.

Did you iver give serious attintion, Hinnessey, to poly tics? Well, iMisther Dooley, just lately loike, lOive been turnin the mather over in me moind. I dropt in to see 'Mac' last 'Choosdy, an he was sthrippin the wall-paper down in the parlour, an I sed, Are ye havin a spring clcanin, 'Mac?' I am not, sez he, I am movin into another house. An thin we got into an argyment about the election, an whin he offered to be me two whiskies that the Nationalists would be defated, I took him up, as its so seldom that 'Mae' offers anythin, but it made me think serious loike, so I'd loike your opinion on the matther, Dooley. Well, Hinnessey, it's foolish to bet on an election, ye moight-fluke a win on a horse race or a futball game, but in an election ye are loikely to lose whichever way you bet, an besoides, ye are compillin 'Mac' to vote for Labour or Demicrat. Poly tics, Hinnessey, is the owldest game in the worrld, it was invinted in the toime of Pliaroah, an was a thrivin industhry before Julius Caesar went into long pants. Twas family politics, later that made Cleopatra fly to the arms of Julius, and started her out en her career of vampin. Whin King John signed the Great Charther at Kunnymede in 1215, he opered wide the dhure to more politicians, an it had become a skilled profession long ibofo're Napoleon crowned himself Emperor. Av coorse, Nap; had a way of his own for securin votes, he didn't have to go round kissin babies. IP'oiytics is also the father of all games, an includes the strategy of chess, tho tactics of futball, the thrickery of rastlin, the chatin an gamblin that's inhirent in all card games, an the unscruplousness of a bootleggin gang. It is the cause of all wars, an mcnny suicides an adultherys an manslaughter.

There HAVE been honest polyticians, but they have niver been a sthrikin success. Ye can't expect much from min who climb to' power on account 1 of their charrnhi flow of gab, an their pious bedside manner, if their head is only a hat rack and nothin else. That's alright—Misther Dooley, but let's get down to tin tacks, I want to know which Party is going to win the election. I wint to hear the 'Labour candidate, an he sez his party is goin to give us all jobs an penshuns, and short hours, an health insurance, an guaranteed prices, whin they get into power an get possession at the Reserve Bank. An, didd he make a good'spache, Hinnessey? He did so, Dooley, he put up a good argymint for the Demicrats, tho I don't suppose that he meant it that way, bedad. Now to sum up, what do Oi git, if the Labour Party win? Ye will likely git -all these promised gifts, an more, if somehow they can manipulate the Reserve Bank on the Guaranteed prices, an conthrol the outside markets, an a few other impossible feats of seullduggery. Well, Well, an how do I get on if the Demicrats git their party in? Ye will git the same things as the Labour Party promise, exceptin that tis more lOikely to happen, becos they intind to borry'the money to do it with. Well, thin, as a last resort, what do Oi get if the Nationalists are returned? Ye'll. git it, Hinnessey, where the chicken got the axe, but any way, ye'll win the two whiskies from "Mac."