TEA TABLE TOPICS.

Hawera Star, Volume XLVIII, 30 September 1924, Page 4

TEA TABLE TOPICS.

(By “M.”) CC I was travelling in a local train a few days ago when I overhead a conversation between a Briton and a Swede, wlio said, ‘Your railways are the best in the world for comfort, safety and speed. The Continent cannot come up to them, and the Americans cannot beat them.’ ” So writes a Swansea resident to the Daily Mail, \\ e know that the Swansea district has Avhat we lack —a fast rail way service. On the other hand they have a very slow forward line, and so that, in relative importance, things are about evened up. Had the Briton and the Swede entered into conversation in a New. Zealand train between, say, Ha.wera and Wanganui, they would have been able to fully discuss many knotty problems. If he had not already acquired a knowledge of the language of Sweden there would be ample time for the Briton to get a thorough groundwork in'th* time allowed for the journey.

Just as two men were in the middle of a field one of them turned round and saw an angry bull making for them. With a yell of warning lie bolted, and just managed to clear the hedge. His companion, less nimble,, ran wildly round the field to find an oppning.. Twice he went round without escaping. Then, as he passed his anxious friend for the third time, he shouted: ‘‘Tell ahr Sarah Jane mi insurance policy is in t’ bottom drawer. This is mi last time round,”

A Scotsman was visiting London for the first time. Whilst, travelling in the train he met. a Londoner, and in course of conversation the visitor from the Land o’ Cakes mentioned that, he did not. know whether he might be able to secure a bed at. the time the train reached its destination. With a philanthropic spirit, the London gentleman invited the stranger to spend the night with him, to which the Scotsman readily acquiesced. In the morning the host asked the visitor if he had had a good rest, to. which an emphatic reply was given in the affirmative. “Never had a better sleep in my life.” “Did you have a good breakfast?” was the next-interrogation, which again brought forth an exclamation of approval. “Well.” casually asked mine host, “would a couple of pounds bb put of the wav?” “Mon,” exclaimed the Caledonian, “that would be a Godsend!”

“Work, wanted'; sick and tired of hunting for it; ex-service man; wife waiting undergo an operation for cataract,” read the notice on billboards carried back and front by a man in Queen street, Auckland, on a recent morning. This novel idea of turning himself into a sandwich-man in order to attract a job caused much attention, but whether it succeeded in its presumed object there was no means of telling.

A Canadian newspaper recently called attention to an advertisement of a nursing bottle that, concluded with the words: “When the baby is done drinking it must be unscrewed and laid in a cool place under a tap. If the baby does not thrive on fresh milk it must be boiled.” The paper might profitably have its attention called to the following advertisements: Y.our baby, if you have one, can be enlarged, tinted, and framed for.£2. , For Sale—A Guernsey caw. .Gives.' good milk, also a hay lp)rk, 'rope .and pulley, also a small refrigerator. For Rent.—A room, suitable for a gentleman, 12ft bv 15ft.

“Said to have already paid £2OO this year in penalties for . keeping their shops open after hours, a firm of auctioneers were summoned in London recently for an offence'' at .a shop which, on three occasions, had failed to close at one o ’clock on days fixed as halfholidays. The Magistrate said he supposed lie could do nothing but inflict the maximum penalty.' The defendants being a limited company he had no alternative power of imprisonment. Counsel for the London County ‘ Council: We cannot do more than keep on summoning them.” " . This reminds “M” of a case which occurred in England several years ago. A village policeman, consistently brought the local barber-, before the Court-every week for having plied his calling on a Sunday. The; proceedings were taken under an ancient'Act, and the barber, who was a bit of a wag, as well as a lay lawyer, took proceedings against the policeman for having failed to attend church, as the Act under which the limb of the law proceeded against the barber also made it an offence to abstain from attending public worship on Sundays. *