RANDOM SHOTS.

Auckland Star, Volume LXVI, Issue 307, 28 December 1935, Page 2 (Supplement)

RANDOM SHOTS.

(By "ZAMIEL.")

"Chukor in Canterbury." Chuckerout in several other places. Lord Carson left a fortune of one hundred and fifty thousand pounds. Oh law! Luring the year five feet of rain have fallen. Vet at the elections the vote was —wet. Now I know why the Post and Telegraph Department enlarged the slit for letters at the C.P.O. to sft. A series of loud reports was recently heard in the city. However loud the reports, the headlines seem to have been mild. The Powers may limit air arms. Just when I was going to give my small grandson a beebee rifle, complete with pellets! Has any ardent friend of the Government noticed the colour of the pohutukawa blossom this Christmas. Ye gods, •it's red! Headlines "The Perfect Pig —New German Breed." Personally I feel this is over the odds and Mr. Hitler won't be too pleased. Heavens! Only yesterday I saw a sheepfarmer in Queen Street wearing a silk coat and cotton trousers. This disloyalty must end! An inspector was, it is said, lately attacked with a javelin. And between you and I, a bow and arrow is a jolly nasty thing, too. Wellington is being accused of resembling San Francisco. During the recent spending of fat produce cheques several citizens assumed a Golden Gait. Sincere congratulations to woolgrowers, dairyfarniers —and pharmacists. I learn that the dyspepsia harvest has been greater than for several yea\s. To all those listeners in who during the twelvemonth ending December 31 have heard the endless chain of American crooners croon—a happy new car! Auckland required double the hotel accommodation that has been used during the season. There is a hint in this for authors —more and more stories! A person recently left a very large sum of money behind in a public bath. I know a fellow who took a course of hot baths at Rotorua and lost pounds and pounds.

A very necessary publicity for wool is demanded. Up to now, however, although me fella counthrmin, the Oirish, is well ripresinted in the new Parliament there have been no bulls.

No, Horace, "Christmas Mails Arriving" is not news. If Christmas mails were blown up or sunk down, captured at sea, lost in a typhoon or delayed by tidal waves that would be news.

Eminent chess players think nothing of playing several games simultaneously and blindfolded. ' I'undcrstand that eminent tennis, golf, football and- other sportsmen intend trying this method.

I rather envied the street scavengers this joytime. Banknotes Aveve so much commoner than for several years that these deserving gentlemen absolutely must have captured some strays. Let's hope bo.

A universally respected prelate declares that New Zealand parents should be kept away from schools. Might one respectfully submit that what is so often necessary is that parents be kept in schools several hours a day.

It is again pointed out that Java, which is half the size of New Zealand, feeds clothes and keeps fat forty .million people. I hear that during the next few years anything up to two dozen relatives may come to New Zealand to share our jobs!

Did the gallant bridegrooms who insisted on choosing Christmas for wedding time read the statement before the Conciliation Council that it costs more to feed a woman than a man? Even these serious setbacks do not deter Cupid, thank goodness.

It is feared that a missing threepenny piece lost during Christmas dinner in a suburban homo is enclosed in a three-year-old baby. The ancient device of sending for a Salvation Army officer on the theory that he can get money out of anybody has not yet been tried.

The father, of a family writes cheerfully to say that he had no idea he had saVed up so much money for his wife and family to buy him Christmas presents with. He says he has at least two more pairs of socks than he had last year and there's a stray tie he can't account for.

Who, correspondents are asking 1 , are responsible for the repair of railway fences? And. as a citizen of repute, I myself have no hesitation in saying arid challenge contradiction that those responsible for the railway fences of the country are the live wires of the Government. (Cheers.)