ECHOES FROM THE CAFE.

Waikato Times, Volume XV, Issue 1248, 29 June 1880, Page 3

ECHOES FROM THE CAFE.

Last Friday a poll was taken in Parnell to decide whether the Borough Council should bo authorised to borrow £4000 for the purpose of supplying the Borough wifck water. There was a laige majority against the proposal, the Parnell people, like the little boy, preferring lo be "■warm and dirty, rather than be cold and clean.'* One of our municipal officers was, in his younger days, a seafaring man. After returning from a voyage, he went to Scotland to see his friends, accompanied by an intimate friend. As they were returning to London, the latter said, " Will you come with me to A," a little village some few miles from the main road. Mr X said he had no objection, as as he was not in a hurry. "Very well," said his friend, "come with me and I will give your dinner. " Presently, his friend said to X "How much money have you ?" X took out all the money he had and counted it, whereupon his friend took it from him, he not objecting, as he knew that his friend would return it to him. They reached A, went to a very comfortable inn and sat down to a good dinner. X's friend hurried through with his dinner and went out, as he said he had some business to attend to, leaving X to finish his dinner at his leisure. After he had done so, he was sitting waiting for his friend, when two policemen came in and arrested him. He indignantly de manded to know why they did so, to which one of the policemen answered that there was no use pretending to be indignant, as they knew that he was Red Rob, a well-known poacher, and that he had an anchor tattooed ou his hand between the finger and thumb. X had an anchor so tattooed, and it was in vain that he declared he had, only a few weeks before, returned from a long sea voyage. The only thing he could manage to get from the policemen was a promise that they would telegraph to London to ascertain the truth of his statement. Presently the landlord entered the room and demanded payment for the dinner. X said that his friend had all his money, and that he would return immediately and pay for his dinner, but the landlord refused to believe him, and denounced X and his friend as a pair of swindlers. Just at that moment X's friend came in from the next room, and X found that he had been the victim of a practical joke played on him by his friend, with the policemen and the landlord as accompli- ! ces. The Civil Service Commissioners' report is a very nice document, and the general opinion is that Sir Robert Douglas is the only sensible man among the Commissioners, as he refused to sign the report until he had affixed a memorandum to the effect that the Commissioners had enquired into several departments superficially but into none thoroughly. Of course we know that that portion of the report preferring to the Waikato railway is incorrect, as the changes which resulted in so material a reduction in the cost of working were made by Messrs Lawson and Macdonald before the gentleman with the wonderful Indian and Queensland experience was appointed Traffic Manager. Concerning the same gentleman, I would like to " know, you know," why, when he was suspended by the General Manager, he resigned his appointment, instead of demanding an enquiry as is usually done in similar cases. He, perhaps, has a partiality for the role of " a man with a grievance." I am afraid that the Civil Service Commissioners did not quite understand their duties, for, instead of asking the heads of departments how offices could be amalgamated, they asked if it was not possible to save a penny per pound on castings, a penny per ream on blotting paper, and other minor matters, which would probably not amount to J6lOO a-year throughout the colony. A preacher in one of our city churches astonished his hearers last Sunday evening by telling them, in reference to what is commonly known as Free Thought, that there were some subjects on which people should not think for themselves. No M suppose they should let him and such as him think for them. Poor little narrow-minded man ! His mind is not large enough to think for himself without attempting to think for other people. Our friend W. is knocking about the "West Coast of this Island just now. Some time ago he was at New Plymouth and went out one evening in the surf-boat to a steamer in the roadstead. He had had something to drink before he left shore, and he had something more on board the steamer. The consequence was that when he started for shore he was a little bit elevated, and told the other people in the surf -boat that he was going to swim ashore. He proceeded to undress, but the others would not let him attempt the swim. However, when the boat was near enough to the shore they told him he might jump overboard and swim for the shore. He jumped overboard, but the men in the boat could not see him after he came jup from, his dive. One of them, however, discovered that W. was swimming out towards the steamer, so the boat was turned round and went in pursuit. It was only after considerable searching that they were able to find W., on account of the darkness. However, he was eventually found and taken back to New Plymouth. Mr Montgomery, Bpeakiog ft the w ,

confidence debate, accused the Colonial Treasurer of acting on the principle of Artemus "Ward, who said, " Let us live within our means, even if we have to borrow money to do it with." I admire the Colonial Treasurer for that resolution, for hia pre^lecesasor^bj&rrbwid the money to enable' him- to do m, Wt did live within his means. What a sad waste of time and money the no-confidence debate is, when the result is a foregone conclusion — a viotory for the present Government! ■What a blessing it would be if we had more members like one referred to in Punch, who ' ' would say nawt, do nawt, and spend nawt." I would respectfully advise Mr Speight to emulate thinexample. On Wednesday last a woman was brought up at the Police Court, charged with being an habitual drunkard. She pleaded guilty, saying that she had just come oat of Mount ' Eden^ Gaol, and wished to be sent back again. She was accommodated with free lodgings for six months. It seems very bard, gentle readers, that you and I must work for money to pay for the maintenance of such people, and I think that the prisoners must be very well treated, or they would net be so anxious to return to gaol. A few years ago the treatment of prisoners in England caused the popularity of a song, of which the refrain was — Where they feed yer, and they clothe ycr, Much better than the working-man or soldier. Oh 1 ah ! penal servitude's the life for me." The Lords have thrown out Sir George Grey's absurd Moorehouse Medal Bill. Bless the Lords for their good sense. They are evidently not such fools as some people would give them the credit of being The Free Lance has come out in a new character. In the last issue it severely censured the Star for the objectionable account it gave of the Alexander^ scandal. This is uncommonly like Satan reproving sin, but if the Lance is going to turn over a new leaf and devote all its thrusts to the Greyites ct hoc oinne genus it will be fulfilling the main object of its existence. The barque Chile had a very narrow escape of being added to the list of ships which have disappeared from the face of the ocean, leaving no trace of their fate behind them. Some of the crew broached the cargo, and, in order to see to get at the spirits, took an open light, and allowed a candle to burn away, careless of the faot that there were 200 barrels of gunpower close to where they left it. If the charge can be sheeted home to the men acoused, no punishment can, I think, be too severe for them. The Hon. W. S. Peter has been chaffing his brother lords by giving notice of a Bill to legalise marriage with a deceased husband's brether. Ido not think that I have ever heard of a woman wishing to marry her deceased husband's brother (a woman has not the same abject fear of having two mothers-in-law that a man has), but Moses, not Peter, strictly enjoined the Israelites, in the event of a man dying without issue, that his brother should marry his widow. Cannot the Greyites of Waikato manage to send one of their superfluous stamps down to Parihaka, so that Mr Hamlin's pilgrimage in search of a swamp may not be in vain ? I am sure that the Piako Company would be quite willing to part with what remains of their swamp on very reasonable terms. St. Mungo.