Hard Luck.

Western Star, Issue 2152, 30 October 1897, Page 4

Hard Luck.

“ Hard luck !” said a big man with a plaster-covered face on a west-bound Madison-street cable ear, Chicago. “ I think my record entitles me to the championship belt. Last month I had a severe pain in my face, which a dentist said was caused by ulcerated teeth. He advised extraction. I said, /‘ Go ahead,’ and he took out eleven sound teeth before he discovered the pain came from neuralgia.

“ My teeth are gone, but the pain is with me just as strong as ever. “ Two weeks ago I had trouble with my stomach. The doctor said it was caused by over-eating. I forgot I had been dieting myself on child’s rations for two weeks, and I let him physic and starve me until I was nearly dead. For ten days I suffered untold agony while taking medicine and refusing to eat. One night in desperation I ate a hearty luncheon down town, and at once I felt better. I have been eating big ■meals regularly ever since, and feel firstrate, but that doctor has got a bill of SBO against me, and I must pay it. “ Last night I took a drink of whisky, and, not oaring to have my wife smell it, I thought it best to eat a dove. As I neared the house, I stuck my fingers in my vest pocket, drew out a dove, put it in my mouth, and shut my few remaiuiug teeth down on it hard. It went off with a bang like a young cannon, blew out the only teeth I bad left, scorched! my moustache so it had to be shaved off, and burned my face frightfully. The ‘ clove’ was the head of a broken parlour match. Say, how’s that for hard luck ?” “ You’ve had a hard time,” said his friend sympathetically ; “ but it’s nothing to my experience. The other day 9*

At this paint in the conversation everybody in the car roared with laughter. The man who had started to tell of his woes at first looked annoyed ; but when he saw a policeman crowding in between Mm and Ms friend the froism vanished, and he joined in the lauglU saying : “Tun not ready to tell my troubles' to a policeman just yet, so I guess I’ll keep them to myself for awhile.” “Oh, I didn’t want to hear of your troubles,” si id the officer. “ I have woes of my own. Day before yesterday my wifi had the gas range taken out because she thought the gas hills were too hifh, and put in our old coal stove. I supposed the plumber’s bill would be ibout $3, but they worked at it all dJ y, tore out the iron pipes, and put in new ones of lead, and their charge is $15.30. This morning my wife emptied the ashes from the stove into the ash-bo c in the alley. Ten minutes later the v hole place was afire, and the landlord d eelares I must pay for a new ash-box and back-yard fence.” “ Well, why don’t you do it ?” “ Because, when I got to the station this noon, I was discharged from the force for not having a new uniform.” “ I guess we don’t know what trouble is,” saidgghe big man, and his friend agreed with him.