Original Cales.

Wellington Independent, Volume XVII, Issue 1802, 9 December 1862, Page 3

Original Cales.

THE COLONIAL CHESTEBFIELDV BEING A SELECTION FBOSI THE OORKEB£OSI3>ENCft or : - ; ;=rr't "BUFFER THE'EM^K"';"Prendmoitelquejesuzs. Letter ill. THE BALL BOOM. My Dear Son,— . : t . Dancing, as an agreeable direrslon, is of very old stauding. According to the ancient*, Terpsichore, which you will pronounce '•* Terpsichawr," as a modernised improvement, was what I may term the ancient patron saint of dancing. It was used by the ancients at many of their religious festivals ; but I look upon dancing as an amusement solely, for Terpsichore being one of the muses and as she must bare been taught to dance at some period of her in* fancy, by a party unknown to history ; we at once infer the fact that dancing was first' taught to a-" muse," and is consequently an amuse* ment. A man may have various objects in view in going to a ball. He may go for the purpose of harmless recreation and exercise ; for the sake of excitement and the music, or simply, as with the rising generation is most common, what they term the " lark oi the thing." In the first case a knowledge of dancing is, of course, necessary ; but in the two latter instances there is no imperative necessity for anything of the kind. It is true that you may join the maze and perform a salutory exercise of & very exhilarating and diversified character, that many pass for dancing, and generally will ; but as in the eyes of many it does not pass for anything approaching thereto, you will do well to consider that you go for the purpose of , enjoying yourself, and as a great inconvenience arises from rooms being occasionally crowded, by adopting the rampant style of Terpsichoreans, you at least keep others out of your way. We, who can remember out grandfathers and grandames at the christmas gatherings at home, going through a quadrille or minuet de la cour may look strangely at the picture of our modern ball room, its fashions, mysteries, ami arrangements. How dignified and solemn the aspect of grandmamma, with her elbows mincingly tucked into her sides, holding out the skirts of her brocaded silk, between her forefinger and thumb, and the little finger stuck out at right angles thereto, her head on one side with an aspect and demeanour very similar to a small bird, most correctly going through her steps, while grandpapa, all pantaloons, buckles, powder, and shirtfrill, tripped with great elasticity of foot as her vis a vis, and with great show of gallantry, to meet her in the figure. No laughing! No joking! Dancing was a serious matter, and was performed with as much care and stealth of foot as the hapless British damsels of old trod the fiery ordeal that was to establish their guilt or innocence. Alas ! Those days are gone. The Roman poet, as he Purveyed the dances performed at the -Olympic games, might have observed of dancing Tern* vora mutantur, et nos mutamur in Mis. But, however, I, in my mind's ear, I may say, already hear the fiddles tuning, the harp twanging, the pianist sounding bis A for the fiddlers to tune by, while the cornet a piston player arranges those cranks and tubes more twisted than the heads of the Hydra under the hand of Hercules, that are destined to keep" fifty pairs of feet and legs true to the polka's one, two, and three four time. To this ball, my boy, you have gone arrayed in spotless white waistcoat, and the mual wardrobe appendages; and I now proceed to advise you what to do there. There is, perhaps, no social institution extant that more frequently tends to leading to the altar of Hymen, than dancing and ball rooms, and my belief is that Terpsichore herself was ultimately married, though the bad system of marriage registration existing in the Pagan world, has not permitted the fact to be authenticated. Seeing then that in an unguarded hour you might be led into the use of some expression that, as Mr. Wellcr has snitl, might tend to a " conviction for breach," if not of impolitic marriage itself, on entering the room it would be as welltojoia a group of young men that you will usually find clustered together in one corner. As the ladies arrive in this select c«iterie, you will hear remarks respecting them, which it may be good for you to ponder on. The probable amount of dower which shall accrue to the happy man in each individual case — all gossip of a private character, if the same expression be not an Irish Bull, together with the bedt methods known to " come over the old woman," viz., the satisfying of the scruples of some watchful duenna or- mamma, that you are an elegible partner for the young lady you take a fancy to. Much likewise will be said of a detrimental character, respecting the company as they arrive, which although it may be totally untrue, may serve to amuse you until the time for dancing commences, when you will at once look out for a partner. If you are a stranger, never ask ask a steward to introduce you to a partner, as he in all probability will select one for you, who either cannot dance, is a perfect wall-flower, or some prudish old maid, who is obviously afraid of being touched, or who is the victim of some eccentricity that will make you the laughing stock of the crowd. Meeting the young lady you propose opening the ball with, or in fact any subsequent dance, it is as well to step boldly up and say, " Miss^ are you engaged ?" if such should prove to be the case, and you being desirous of the honor of her band, make her pull out her card, and tell you when she is disengaged, having discovered the vacant dance it is unneecessary to speak any more about it unless you are reminded. As you areiiot Supposed to be at the caprice of any woman, and you may always suppose that if the dance, be far down the list, she in all probability said so to avoid you. I remember a colonial gentleman who addressed a young lady as I havesuggested above, and who X believe had never spoken her before to in his life, and receiving an answer to the effect that she was engaged, observed " Well, better luck next time!" and shambled off,' the speech though eccentric was polite. Presuming therefore that you have got your partner and stood up, you will be expected to say something to her; there are two or three safe topics, which I may tell you. The first is the weather, and the second the heat of the room ; the first you will make a remark on prepatpry to commencing dancing, and perhaps the second may' be deferred until you return your partner to her seat. In dancing the polka, varsoviana, schottische or waltzing, much has been said about the proper way of holding your partner — now I remarked that " when at Borne do as the Romans," is the motto to go upon. You therefore in a colonial ball room will seize your partner round the I waist so that the elbow of your right arm will ! be parallel with her left shoulder blade, tbu« | drawing her as tight into the hollow of you* right, shoulder and causing her to have hei feet perfectly free from entanglement with yours, you will be enabled to chassez with great power of stride and surprising effect, so much so in fact, that you may beat the time witbastonishingforca and always be able to clear the course before you by raising the foot about half the height of the knee should any of of those raincing naml>y pamby sort of couples get in your way. I need scarcely say anything of figure dances, as they are considered now a days only introduced for the elderly people. I should therefore recom*

mend . you, not- to trouble, yourself about" tbjem , s<t •but~i#~you~do, it is quite immaterial -whether ■" you know the figures or not, and though you may be accused of spoiling the set by your ' ignorance, remember tli at you' paid for your -amusement," and that you have a right to your moneys worth, whether other people like it or not. Colonial public balls not unfvpquentiy are held at hotels, of if nor, there is some hotel adjacent thereto, you will therefore be enabled during any recess- in the programme to retire to some convenient room in them and refresh yourself with a glass of brandy and water, and a pipe or cigar. This will cause you to emit a delightful fragrant perfume on your return, - most acceptable to ladies, and if the doctor in Humphrey Clinker is to be believed, most beneficial towards keeping off fainting fits, of course it is nothing to you whether it annoys people Or not. I shall not remark here on smoking as a habit, but as it is not allowed in theatres, why one can hardly expect it to be so in ball-room?. I observe that Her Majesty has prohibited the young Prince Alfred from that habit indulged in by his brother of Wales, thus making some context in the remarks at the foot of play bills, " No smokiDg allowed," " God save the Queen !7 .. And while remarking on smoking, I may say a word respecting drinking, so long as you do not become beastly intoxicated, it is questionable whether you have not an. unlimited right to drinking how much you please, for although there, may be those present who may, decline with many thanks your kind offers to dance with them, and perhaps go rather further than you may Ike in shewing their disgust, yet should your balance at the bankers be tolerably promising, and your other worldly goods in a fair proportion, among the mass you will aot find that you will be considered an ineligible partner either for the evening or ultimately for life. Should you be moderately wealthy, and take occasionally of that " cup that cheers " but likewise inebriates, you will simply pass as a " free liver," but should your worldly substance Tie with the ancient Highlanders fortune, when he emigrated, being simply " a groat and a horn spoon," you will doubtless be dubbed a "low drunkard;" and as a general rule your faults or "failings" or "vices," according to the length of your purse. Balls, that include suppers, will require you further to attend your partner at the table. It is therefore usual to look out at what hiatus, if I may use the expression, in the programme the announcement of supper will take place, and engage a partner suitable to your taste previously, so as ultimately to decoy her away with you. A man who is on a matrimonial expedition will 4o well to be more anxious about securing a mamma or ehaperone if he can at the suppertable, as it not unfrequeutly happens that he , gains the young lady too on the other side of him, and sail down the room with a lady on each aim, nautically speaking with "lower studding sails set." This of course is optional with you, but should you be aware of your own lack of powers of fascination, always, my dear boy, stand by the mother. Ball suppers are usually conducted by everybody snapping up anything they can get hold of, you will tbere- •■•"< fore do the same in self defence, and flanking yourself with every dish you can lay hands on, help your partner, which you will do by loading her plate as high as 5011 can, and proceed to do duty, for yourself. Should it so happen that any gentleman ask you for any dish or condiment that may be near you, you had better not be too eager to hear what ne says, as by so doing he will be driven to the necessity of reaching for the article in request, when you can raise your eyes and " beg his pardon" for your inattention. Should any gentlemen sit opposite you who is disposed to pay more than usual attention to his partner, or who you may be disposed to think is engaged to her, you will show excellent taste by cutting into their conversation at every conceivable opportunity, introducing stock-yard and horseflesh anecdotes whenever you may have occasion being always interesting to anybody or anywhere. Invariably turn up your nose at the victuals, and stigmatize the wine as execrable, even if both should happen to be of fair quality, as by so doing, you lead people to imagine that you keep the table of an epicure, and drink champagne every day of your life. In fact, you can in general 6neer at the whole affair, as it goes to prove that you are accustomed to better. If you should happen to be banging about at balls where " odd fellows" or any of the more inferiorclassesareenjoyingtbemselves, ifyou can gain admittance, you can go . attired in a monkey jacket, and dance with your hat on, a cigar stuck in your mouth, and swagger pretty well. This will show the lower orders,, that you are vastly, above them in the social scale, and that you patronize them. It may happen that you are politely shown the door in consequence. This is an insult you will at once redress, by any practical joke that you can command at the time; among which, are getting into the orchestra, and throwing cayenne pepper on the floor, making the musicians drunk, stopping up the wind instruments with corks, or taking advantage of their absence .for refreshment, put a quart of beer down the opheclide or trombone, s»nd in general annoying the guests as much as possible, smoking in the passages, and puffing tobacco smoke in the girls faces as they pass you, are among other facetiae, but as the latter not unoften leads to your being kicked, it is as well not to try it too far. In short, as these people do not choose to admit you to conduct yourself as you please, who are so vastly above them, it is your duty to keep them in their proper places, and give them an idea of their impropriety and bad taste, by adopting any measures to annoy them. Private Balls are conducted much in the same way as public ; I mean that the "sets" are usually in their own private clique, and none out of that " set" are invited. Should you be a country settler, as I take you to be, it is not improbable that the merchant, your agent, will invite you to a ball if he gives one when you are in town, this invitation, however, will "entirely depend on what your custom and credit are. The man who can show a fair balance in his favor in his agents bands, when his herd of cattle are sold, or his wool and wethers in, may . expect to feed at home on the best Souchong or Hyson tea, sweetened with the most dazzling of the Chrystallized Go's pieces of sugar — while tea five parts out of six sloe leaves, and sugar one half sand, is the lot of the man who has a lien given on bis next year's clip, or whose title deeds are in the merchant's cash box. If you go to a private ball, conduct yourself on the same principle, try the length of your tether, and where you can show off, do, treating every girl as one of doubtful virtue, and every man as something utterly beneath you, who you condescend by noticing, where , you may chance to be thrown among your inferiors, and ingratiating yourself by any means whatever, whdn you are amongst your superiors, more especially if anything is to be got out of them. Your affectionate Father.