Letter II.

Wellington Independent, Volume XVII, Issue 1801, 6 December 1862, Page 3

Letter 11.

the dinner party. My Dear Son — The great Dr Johnson was wont to observe to the sycophantish Boswell "Sir, I like to dine," and many of his countrymen, however far they might disagree with some of the dogmas of the ponderous Samuel, agree most thoroughly with him in this pithy remark. The ancients, who feasted voluptuously, attached ] great importance to dinner as a meal, and wej are told reclined luxuriously on couches at the banquet table ; the only difficulty that ever appeared to me, was how they managed to drink soup lying down — I never tried it but once, on a sick bed, and judging from effects, I am not j likely to try it again — but this by the way—l now proceed on the assumption, that you are invited to a dinner party, and as it is a boundeu J^al^Jp Hfe. for us always to COO&idef what ij

expected of us before we engage in any pro- i ceeding, in plain what is our duty ; the question arises first, why am I invited out to dinner, and what am I expected to do ? The answer is very, simple, my friends have cooked a certain quantity of meat, and I am expected to eat it, You therefore go with the intention of eating and no other, it is the duty of your host to amuse you and to feed you ; and each individual ought to go with the conviction strongly impressed on his mind, that the entertainment is got up for his own exclusive enjoyment. Arrived at the house, you will be ushered into a dvawiug room, there 10 await the arrival of the other guests aud the subsequent announcement of dinner. In the interim, should the weather be cold, you will of course, make the best of your way to the fire ; having reached which, you will plant yourself on the hearth rug, and tucking your coat tails under your arms, warm yourself aud survey the company collectively and individually. The letter is usually performed by carrying the eyes from the soles of the boots to the crown of the head, and which invariably is attended with considerable pleasure to the object of your gaze, and occasionally a matter of satisfaction to yourself. If ladies should happen to be present, which it may almost invariably be said they are, this habit of staring intently at them, I am aware, is open to objections ; but when we consider the present rage for dress that has seized the weaker portion of humanity, it becomes a question, whether it is not right to scrutinize their habiliments, seeing that they can adorn themselves in " much fine apparel," for very little other reason, than to excite admiration aud observation — therefore you will invariably make it a rule to stare at women wherever you may chance to meet themNeither while on this theme is it usually the custom of the Colonies to raise the hat when you meet ladies in the street, and I admire excessively this disuse of a very absurd practice. Women are the weaker race, and whatever we may owe to them, either in sickness or in health, they are always in oar debt; as a modem author very sagely remarked, " there is that little affair respecting the apple, that must for ever have a small balance in our favor." But I digress — one of these frailer creatures will in all probability be commended -to your care at the feasttable — whom you are expected to wait upon and amuse. This fashion cannot be too highly reprobated, and though I do not agree totally with Mr Spurgeon, " that men ought to dance in one room and women in another at balls ;" still I think, that the ladies ought to dine at separate tables. Is it your duty to wait at table? decidedly not! it is the servants, therefore, why you should wait upon ladies I know not; and as regards the amusement, what else can you do, but talk ? You go to dinner to eat, not to talk. " Sir ! said a celebrated public diner out to Sir Joshua Reynolds " Sir Joshua ! whenever you dine out, never ask questiotis, as in endeavouring to reply to you, I have just swallowed & piece of venison fat without tasting the flavor." This was good advice iv my opinion, and I recommend you my son to follow it. It happens very often in the Colonies, that uotmanyservauts are kept of a domestic character, it may not then improbably happen, that the demand for attendance may scarcely equal the supply. This remark more particularly applies to the Country Settlers, who not unusually ta«e part of the duties on themselves, with regard to shifting the course? and so forth, and recovering their seats afterwards. Some silly people will tell you, that you ought to avoid giving trouble, which virtually signifies, wait upon yourself aud those around you as much as possible. My boy ! if people will give dinner parties they ought to make proper provision therefore, both as regards the refreshment and attendance ; it is no business of yours, that they they fail in the latter particular, and therefore you will conduct yourself precisely as if you were in a chop house ; by so doing you at once maiatain your independence, and learn people not to attempt things they cannot perform. in the early stage of the proceedings, the formality of drinking wine with the lady you have brought to the table, and subsequently with the host or hostess — the lady it is usual to askfir?t — the form to go through varies, some people merely sip the wine and bow stiffly — Now this is not drinking a toast — the plan you will adopt, supposing you are about to driak with a lady is this — you having caught the ladies eye, observe, " wine ! aw ! Miss or Madam !" Having ascertaiued the ladies' particular vintage at that time on the table, you will cause her glass to be filled, by any body else but yourself if you can, and having filled your own, the usual form is to say " well ! Miss ! here's my iespects,";either sotto voce or in a loud voice, and having drained your own glass, go on with your dinner. Having previously stated that you go to eat, and not to talk. I may perhaps observe, that his rule is unfortunately not followed; though iv England coHversatiou perhaps is slacker at a dinner table than any other social eutertainment. Now, as graiziug and agriculture form the staple pursuits of the colonists, and in this case I takeyoutobeoftbat number; no sooner does a joint of beef grace the board, than an immense field foi conversa* lion presents itself. It may be said, perhaps, thatyou and other members of the same calling, are generally able to talk about nothing else. Be it so. But is your conversation the less improving for that. Better to talk about what you do know something of, than about what you no nothing. You therefore launch at once into a dissertation on bullocks, steers, and heifers, of course more particularly praising your own stock. You need not mind the ladies not caring about the conversation, aud in fact you need not particularly acknowledge their presence ; entering fully into breeding particulars, as regards the probabilities of " Blossom " bei coming a parent in a short time, together with remarks on the undoubted or doubtful paternity of her offspring, as the case may be. You will ib all probability, should any of your professional brethren be present, be fully kept in countenance, and need by no means be too choice in your expressions, as it renders your conversation ambiguous. Should it so happen that a clergyman or two, and some of the higher classes about the towns and cities, whose duties are ot |a professional or mercantile nature be present, while you are of the interior country, any horse flesh anecdotes may be introduced with great applause. The Reverend the Dean and Dr Cosine president of St Waltheof's College, will no doubt be delighted to hear that your roan colt can beat Tom Cruppers chestnut filly, and how you raced him over the Possum tale flats for " nobblers," aud how screwed Tom was goiug home. The company will, in all probability, know.Torn Crupper, and sympathise with him on bis defeat, and how can you tell but that the Dean may not make you a good offer for your roan horse to carry him to and from the Cathedral. It further shows what a fine dashing sort of a young fellow you are, aud what a superior man is one who can sit a buck jumping horse,tothemeresoiverof trianglesand tracer of curves, or the spinner of Greek iambics. In this manner you will couduct yourself until the signal is given for returning to the drawing room, where,jas you were meiely invited to dine,iit is no matter whether you return there anil fall asleep in a chair, or making some excuse, take your leave. In either case you will have done what you agreed to do, and with the honest conviction of that, can afford to laugh at those who you subsequently may hear rejoiced at your absence. With regard to your duties as host, my advice to you is, never give a dinner party. (To be continued.)