ALLEGED WIT.

Wairarapa Daily Times, Volume LXVI, Issue 11884, 21 January 1914, Page 2

ALLEGED WIT.

Suffragette: "If you como to our meetings you'-d hear some plain things. " Male Thing: "Ah! And see them, no doubt. " « * * 4» Wealthy City Man (who has taken a fancy to re-visit his village birthplace): "Ah, me! there, is the little red schoolhouse, and yonder is the old church. How well 1 remember them! But the dear old familiar faces are gone; not one remains to recall tho«e happy " The Oldest Inhabitant (advancing): " Ye're Bill Judd, ain't ye? I knew ye the minute I sot eyes on to ye, J. trusted your father for a codfish in 1883, an' if ye've got the money handy I'd be oblcegcd. if ye'd settle for it." * t * • The man came out of the office building on the run and started down the street. "Here! Hero!" cried the policeman on the corner. ''What's your hurry?" "There's a man back there trying to sell me a book on twenty-eight weekly instalments of live each!" cried the victim. The policeman instantly released his hold. "Run! "he cried. "Run for all you're woith! Maybe you can get away from him yet. " * * # » A clergyman who was very particular about his personal appearance went to preach at a cguntry church. Finding no mirror in the vestry and xearing his hair might not be as smooth as it might lie, lie asked the ciork if he could get him a glass. The man was gone some minutes, but at length returned and produced a parcel very mysteriously from under his arm. To the astonishment of the parson when it was opened it contained : a bottle of whisky, with water and a. . tumbler. "You mustn't let on about it, mister," said the clerk, "for I got it as a, great favour, an' I shouldn't 'a got it at all, bein' church hours, if I hadn't a-.said it was for you, sir!"