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Waimate Daily Advertiser, Volume IV, Issue 130, 25 November 1905, Page 4

Miss Budd : ” De you approve of early marriages?” Mrs Malaprop: ’’Not too early. 1 should say not before noon.” Minister : “ Have you ever oast your bread upon the waters ’ ” Mrs R. (proudly): “Never since my first batch.” Teacher : “ Mary, construct a sentence with ‘ dogma ’ as subject.” Mary (after careful thought): “ The dogma has three puppies.” Teacher (of class in grammar): “What do you understand by parts of speech ’ ” Tommy: “ It's—it's when a man stutters.”

“Papa, where’s atoms!” “Atoms? I don’t know, my boy. You mean Athens, probably.” “ No, I mean atoms, the place where everything is blown to.”

His Auui : “John, why did you enter tbe ministry ? ” John : “ Because, dear aunt, I was called.” His Aunt: “ Aru you sure, John, that it wasn’t some other noise you heard ! ” Mr Wiggins: “It tells here bow a cyclone out in America swept away an entire town in one minute.” Mrs Wiggins (gloomily) : “ And it takes Mary Ann half an hour to sweep the front steps.” “ Tommy, run up and tell your sister I am here, will you! ’’ “ What’s the use! Bhe knows it, ’cause when she see you coming 1 heard her say, * Dear me, lore comes that empty-headed idiot •gain.’”