QUIPS

Wanganui Chronicle, Volume LXXXIII, Issue 19989, 4 November 1927, Page 2

QUIPS

In Xfebter flDooD - . .

ANSWERS TO PROBLEM NO. 7 “Fire-Fighter” fWanganui East). —I was walking along the street one day ana after casually lighting my pipe. I threw the match away, but it was still alight, and set fire to some goods that were on display outside a fc-hop After the fire had been put out, a man out of the crowd strolled up to me and asked me if I would like a job? You can imagine how surprised I was, but I soon understood why he was the manager of a firm who made a brand of fire-extinguishers. This answer I consider the best sent in, and. a Postal Note for 2/6 has been forwarded to this competitor, "J-P.” “A.M.” (Matakuma). —1 got my job after a lot of walking about from place to place. When by luck one man refered me to one of his friends who was in need of help. When I arrived at the place he wanted to now what work 1 could do and was I trustworthy? So he took me on trial for a week on a smaJl% wage. I worked hard and showed 1 was trustworthy. He was so pleased that he doubled my wages and I still hold my job. ’’Blighted” (Castlecliff). —I received my job as the result of an accident. One day 1 was driving a motor-car through some rough country. Something went wrong with the steering gear, and the next thing I remember was a znn asking me if I was hurt. My car and 1 had gone over a steep cliff. By great good fortune I was uninjured. He me did I want a job. I told him I’d be looking for one now. He engaged me to drive a cat for him and I am still holding my job. "2Q” (Durie Hill). —I was sitting one day looking at the river flowing past and I eat there lost in meditation little did I dream of what fate had in store for me. I was out of work. All of a sudden something hit me and I over-balanced and fell into tije river. I arose to the surface to see somettiing struggling a little way from me. Being a strong swimmer I struck out for it and lound it to be a baby's push-chair, with the baby strapped in. I made quick work at rescue and upon being hauled out by some men who had been attracted by the sight of a half-demented nur<e girl running up and d/wn the wharf, I was seized by thp mother who would have me go with her to her husband, who learning I was out of work, took me into his firm and I have been with him ever since. To other competitors.—l am sorry that, owing to the lengthy nature of your efforts, 1 am unable to publish them here. Try writing a little more concise and to the point. ”J.P.” ANSWERS TO READERS

”A_L.”—A pedestrian is the wretched thing that puts the bump in motoring. "J.P.”

•CLS.”—No, do not dye your hair because it is red, be proud of it. Shakespeare, Alexander the Great, Cromwell, Napoleon, and mans other great men were red-headed. ”J.P." "D.D.”—As a parting gift, it would be difficult to improve upon a brush and comb "P.S."—Doctors’ prescriptions are written in Latin, because most drugs have Latin name?. Another reason is that it is not always advisable for patients to know what thej are taking. “JJP.” “TUB.”—Yom should cease to complain ahoui people being narrow-minded, otherwise they’l: begin to wonder what you’ve been up to “P.D.S.’’—You think that there is no fun ir kissing a man with a beard. Only fungus “J.P. W “J.K.”—Yom are quite right; pillion-riding i: losing its popularity. There is certainly a falling off every now and then- “J.P.” “S.S.”—You would like to know how to cu' off a disagreeable correspondence. File it RHYMES MS. A fool there was With careless feet He tried to cross The Avenue A fool there was. Brevity. a saw her dress And laughed at it. For “brevity’s “The soul of wit.” “Why.” Why do people want to swim the “Channel?” Why do they gladly rough it? Why do they strain each nerve? Ignoring the wave’s rude buflet For the honour they will deserve? • It may be for fame and glory, Or achievement’s conscious pride, But it’s really a simple story—• •‘To reach the other side?” More waist, less speed. Macy a girl is prettier than she’; painted. A good husband closes at least oni eye to the charms of other women. Same people's heads are only uset to keep their ears from rubbin: together. When a girt. warms up to a fellov he thinks he has her “knocked cold.’ A barber’s shop is the place for s close shave — not a railway crossing. The bald-headed man’s favourite sort is mohair, A doctor says. “People have n< business kissing.’’ “Jack Point” haj always regarded it as a pleasure.

“Jack point”

An old arithmetic book asks, “If one ton of coal costs 125.” We should smile.

: A contemporary announces the fact ■ that the imperial harem of Tarkey is |to be opened as a museum, but the j most interesting exhibits have, apparI ently, been removed.

• An educational authority says one of ; the nation’s greatest problems is what Ito do with the illiterates. Why not put them to writing popular songs? I Those who can resist some of our (“high pressure salesmen” these days I demonstrate the triumph of mind over j patter.

“Film actresses are to be pitied,” Bays a contemporary. They never know where their next wedding is coming from.

j The man with the crystal set who tried both alternate programmes and * couldn’t decide which he preferred: I “Ping! Ping! Ping!” or “Buzz, Buzz, . Buzz’ ’—must have been of two minds.

By the time a man loses faith in > Santa dans he begins to believe in

A contemporary announces the fact that a baby has been born in a motorcar. “Jack Point” wonders whether they will call it Austin?

An article in a newspaper informs ns of “Clothes made of grass.” “Jack Point” supposes that they will probably be known as dress a la mowed.

A business man showed “.Tack Point” what he thought to be a thoroughly angry business letter; it read as follows: Sir, my typist, being a lady, cannot take down what I think of you. I, being a gentleman, cannot write it. You, being neither, can guess

A writer in a contemporary asks, “Should brain workers sleep on feather beds?” Feather-brain, workers certainly should.

It is stated that in Britain one marriage in every ten ends in divorce. According to reports, in America one in every ten appears to begin, with it.

A writer in the gardening column of a newspaper says that his lawn is getting out of control. Why not weed out the grass and have a nice patch of sand for the kiddies to play in?

According to recent statistics, there are 4J pedestrians in America to every motor-car. “Jack Point” supposes that there are a few new drivers who bav’nt attained the skill to score direct hits.

A newspaper states that Kenya’s films are censored by a committee consisting of two women and a policeman, Kenya beat it?

A contemporary says that a man went to a fancy dress ball disguised as a bear. It is said that liis wife was the only one to recognise him.

A book entitled, “The Tragedy of the Farm Worker,” was displayed on a bookstall in the Avenue last week; the newsagent had to remove it on account of its being so harrowing a

A racing motorist says that in twenty years’ time the speed limit will be 200 miles per hour. There is one thing about it; the unwary pedestrian will never know anything of it. A horticulturist declares that certain flowers can express their emotions. “Jack Point” has seen any amount of laughing-stocks in the Avenue. It was a Castlecliff housewife who told “Jack Point” that it was finding sand in the sugar that made her grocerspicious. A newspaper states that prohibition is being strengthened in the U.S.A. Even corkscrew carts will probably be forbidden, soon. An advertisement in a daily informs that, “This elegant little evening frock, is absolutely the last word.” A woman has it, of course. An English news item says that society has gone in for a new hobby—flea collecting. They are behind the times, “Jack Point’s” dog started it some time ago. According to a naturalist there is a fish that washes its young. But he doesn’t say how it dries them. A writer in a newspaper says, “To be successful, a doctor needs tact.” And patients.

i A newspaper states: A pet mouse on (being rescued from a pursuing cat was ’given a little gin, and recovered. It ,■ is now said that the depraved little creature deliberately loiters in the caJ’s way in the hope of getting a Dry Mari tini. It is reported that by a new invenfion of talking films it is claimed that M.P.’s will be able to appear and speak to audiences in many places at once. All “Jack Point” can isay is, that it is not fair. Serial in a provincial paper:—“With his free hand he raised his hat, bent Ihis head and kissed her on the forehead.”—Bather a skilful hand. . It must have been an enterprising tradesman who tried to sell a grease - remover to a man who had been burning the candle at both ends. I An overseas contemporary states: i hounds are reported to be ' suffering from hysteria. It seems that ! a visitor from New Zealand referred J to them as “dogs.” ! A coroner says: ‘‘One has only to j ride a motor-cycle long enough to be { killed.” Yes, but if a cycle is a mile ! Long surely it ought to be safe enough I in the middle. 3 In a restaurant recently a man j > attacked a fellow diner with his - 8 walking stick. It appears that the ■ j assailant had just bought his wife a | seal skin coat, and the sight of a I man nibbling lettuce like a rabbit ■ f infuriated him. f