RASTUS.

Waipa Post, Volume V, Issue 228, 11 July 1913, Page 3

RASTUS.

IN TROUBLE. The ouid woman ses she'll sue me in the Magistrate's Cjurt tomorrow or some other day fer agitatin her own moind and settin all her customers be the ears, referrin to their husbands' doins and carry ins on last Friday, and callin first wan iv thim O'Bryen and thin the other. Well, ses Oi, if ye can make the cap fit Oi'll wear it, but not unless. And, Oi ses, if its a troil be jury ye'll hev yer work cut out fer Oi've personally explained to thim all what a hard toime Oi've had all me loife living wid ye. Its no good, Oi ses, troin te make yer ally good at this late day and hour fer Oi've squared the whole min population from Dan to Busbeba, as the scripture ses.

Enywav, Mr Ed iter, ve can see Oi'm in hot water over me wroitins, and Oi think Oi'll hev to get another sudenin or quit, but its agin me principles te quit till loike the rist iv me countrymin Oi get Home Rule fer Oireland. If Oi hev to Oi'll take up oratory instid. Tis a payin job spoutin. Oi'm told there's a new house fumishin scheme on foot be the Y.M.I, (don't let the nigger minstrels interprit that fc- ye). If ye stand up in the hall fer wan minit ye git a table, two a chair, and foive a four-poster bidstid, or if yer not a family man ye can build up a loibray in the same way. And if ye're nather ye can jist git the money and be a banker.

O'Bryen —oh Oi fergot O'Bryen's been idintified and Oi can't use him iny more, and if Oi'm not careful they'll spot me. — Enyway Oi was goin to say wan iv me nabors is full iv good spirits at his success the other noight, and its proof iv what the poet ses, that nothin succeeds loike success. Spirits inter into his loife very largely but he kapes it out iv his mouth. Its not th'm koind iv spirits, ner plum duff spirits, ner spooks, ner methylated spirits, but jist good animal spirits, and a moind to but in and win. Thim's the min that make Te Awamutu more loike London ivery day. Oi wint te the hunt yesterday, and oi won't need a feed fer siveral days. 'Tis a grate national institution iv these parts is the Park Hunt. 'Tis attinded bv more huntsmin than there is horses for. But the huntin's jist an excuse te hev a day out wid yer best girl or siveral nabors in a drag, and whin yer jist droivin yer roidin doesn't hev iny remarks made about it. As ter mesilf, oi lave the rale hunt te the huntsmin and the horses and the hounds, oi've no toime ner inclination te brake me neck, but tis the crowd thet oi'm interisted in. There wis 3000 iv us MiEditor, more or less, and thin we didn't eat it all ner drink it all nather. Some ses tis a pity its so far away, but Oi think that's the charm iv it. Ye can work up a hunger and a thoirst goin, and .hake much iv it down comin back, and its an asy thing te make up an excuse fer bein late home whin j e've twilve modes te travel, and grate hills te cloimb, j and long lanes iv mud up te the axles te droive through and a hundrid odd stories iv yer young lumtin days te rehash, yer breath smells swate and the mud covers up the marks iv disipation, and be the toime ye've put the horse te bed and spint the noight on the straw iv the loose box ye can git the foire lit fer the ould woman and her breakfast cooked which makes explanation aisier. Oi'm a grate lumtin man wanse a year, and always will be whoile Oi'm widin a day's march iy Rotorangi. Three cheers fer the jovial chap that kapes good house out there, and may he not ! doi before Oi do.