RASTUS.

Waipa Post, Volume V, Issue 219, 10 June 1913, Page 5 (Supplement)

RASTUS.

THE ELICTION. Me name is mud this morn in Mr Editor. The race was te the swift and the victrv te the sure. I wis left at the post, altho I wis nominated, they would’nt accept me. I wis scratched, so to spake widout bein intered. The cup of fame wis held to me lips and Toothlessly dashed out iv me grasp. The field wis a big wan, and the runnin the foinest in the histry iv the- sport. Three horses rose to the last hurdle, and it was won by the scratch iv a woman’s pen. Ivrvthing wis fare and above board. We’d a strait run fer our money, but its agin the law te tell what the odds were on the winners, so I’m mum : We elicted the jidge and the stewards on the spot, and I’ll foight the man that ses he could currupt thim. The youth and buty of the land was there, and all the intellect of the aged. Pat wis there and Mac and George and their aunts and wives and sweetehearts. They wis there in dozens and cohorts and falanksis. They wis there from Dan to Beersheba and from Sheridan to the Sea. —From over the boarder and under the hill. — Priest and people. —Doctor and patient. —Lawyer and client. — Foire brigade and town band. — Polo players and hockey bovs. — Bankers and arkitects. —Dustmen gasmen, ilectric loighters, kurnels caplins and privites.—Sure, ’twas a house of reprisintitives. The course was crowded early, and there wis only standin room when the whistle blew. The jidge wis chosed and the horses paraded. The rules iv the game wis read and the fun began. I’d got O’Bryen groomed to a hair and down to foightin weight. 1 called the odds on him and in he wint with his chin in the air and his chist expanded. .

There wis voters to right iv me and voters to lift iv me, voters in frint and voters behind—till wrilin a ticket fer the winners. If ye was in wan corner ye got the fever, for this ticket, if in the other ye got the fever for that ticket. There wis scratchin and scribblin, and vvhisperin and nudgin, and subdued excitemint in every breast. Wan ses ve’ll get in Joe, another ses ye’ll top the poll Pastus, whoile all the toime they voted fer the other feller. Secret ballots makes loirers iv us all. We elicted the stewards and they wis off round the course. While we waited fer the result we had a debate on push and

pull, and just as things wis gettin warmed up the numbers wint up and we cheered and wint home .to bed. So we fixed up the gardyens of the kiddies fer another year, while the bachelers was still in session to determine how and when and where they’d set their trups to catch a mate to qualify for the game we’re playin.