HUMOUR OF BOWLS

Waikato Independent, Volume XXIII, Issue 3006, 11 January 1923, Page 6

HUMOUR OF BOWLS

TOURNAMENT REMINISCENCES To those Who do not understand the rules'(and to those ivho know them and do not always obey them) there is a world of humour in the game of bowls which has not yet been smirched by the vaudevillian. Some of the “wheezes” are as old as the game, and some bubble up fresh and sparkling as the result of the peculiar characteristics of a shot—good, bad or indifferent. Some bowlers themselves out to be funny. Just as there are theatrical footballers and golfersf, so there are bowlers who play to the bank (in other words the gallery). But the purest wit concomitant to the game is that which is more often spoken unconsciously. The following may be recited as a protest against bowls being considered a slow or dull game. One dour, determined, stolid old Scotch skip, with a halo of many tournament wins round him, becoming disgusted with his lead for bowling the jack into the ditch, said—“A mon who cannot throw the jacck will never make a bowler.” A few minutes later the same lead drew a magnificent shot just behind the jack. “Good mon!” said the old skip. “Y’re a great lead, I’m tailin’ yer!” On a bowl which ran “narrow,” “You’re as thin as a chicken’s lip!” To a wido one: “What arc ye doin’ theer—out in the suburbs?”

Skip’s instructions: “I want you to come in here a yard gone on this hand to rest the shot or trail the kitty to our back ones. Don’t lose your bowl and slip that one in front —it’s up against us.” This is a perfectly clear instruction, no doubt, to a bowler, but to the uninitiated it would be Greek.

I “ Ye’re as narrow as a Presbyterian!” This is to a bowler who had omitted to take sufficient “green” to enable him to make the precise parabolic curve up to the jack. “Take more paddock next .time! ” advised the skip.

“Crack an egg on this one!” was an instruction which did not even raise a smile.

“Give this front fowl the once over and we’ll lie the shot!” sounded quite American, though bowls in the States is just plain oud-fashioned skittles. “.Smash ’em up—they’ve got no friends!” This to a No. 3 about to drive.

‘ 1 This bowl is in your way. Come in wide on the back hand and finish at my feet.. . . What the dey . You’re a ditcher!” This as a player bowled too fast and landed liis wood in the ditch at the end of the green. “As wide as the gasworks!” “It’s a toucher! That’s the stuff to give ’em!”

“This isn’t cricket!” This remark to a player who would, illegally, follow his bowl down the green by gently trotting after it, keenly interested in its fate.

“Great shot! You draw like Dana Gibson! ”

“Here’s one wi’ mair character! Whirrup! Just missed, Charlie!”