APPLIED

Tuapeka Times, Volume XXIV, Issue 1890, 23 April 1892, Page 2 (Supplement)

APPLIED

&. Young Lawyer's Admirable and

Successful Si'lieme.

Mr. Sutton was in his study preparing a paper on Social Ethics to bo read before his club. He bad a style rather profound, hf^ flattered himself, and was about winding up with a fine peroration, when he heard a slight rap at his door, and Mrs. Sutton appeared. Mr. Sutlon was tired, but as he made it 0 point never to show terapor he merely laid down hi 3 pen with an audible, patiently patient sigh, and eaid : " Well, my dear?" To which Mrs. Sutton mado a hardly opposite reply, for, holding up a pair of very pretty walking boots, evidently her own, between her fibger and thumb, she said : 11 Where do you suppose these came from ?" "From Frayer's, I presume."

11 No," said Mrs. Sutton.

"Well, my dear, if you have gone to some other firm you had good reason, no doubt."

As she made no reply. Mr. Sutton ventured a guesa: " I really don't know why you should insist on my guessing, my dear, but Whately, perhaps. A very good maker and becoming quiV. the fashion among the ladies, I believe."

♦'They carve from no such place," said Mrs. Sutton, with a certain amount of asperity in her tono; 11 1 will tell you whore, however. They came from the alley !" "The alley! my dear," &aid Mr. Sutton, hardly knowing what to think but sure he had Eomething to do with it; "the alley 1 Why, what a ecamp Mufx must be—" " You are wrong," Mrs. Satton rejoined, with great quickness and severity. " Muff has far too much consideration for his mistress to deEtroy her property. You are tha person, Mr. Sutton 1 There's a limit to everything— l can not and will not bsar thi3 any longer. It was only last wc>-k that my cut glass smelling-bottle, the one poor coa6in George gava me on my .wedding, was broken—"

" I replaced it, my dear, 1 ' meekly rejoined Mr. Sutton.

"It could not be replaced. It was a gift that meant something."

Mr. Satton winced. Ho never could bear cousin George, and was gJad he was now dead.

••Bufc," said Mrs. Sutton, changing her tone, which had verged on the tenxf al, back to eeverity again, ll I say nothing more on that point, but to resume. Ic'a merely chance that I have not lost my boois. Mr. Button, sorna other way must be devised for getting rid of those eats ! I cannot sacrifice all my wardrobe. I say nothing of my disturbed rest."

" Mrs. Sutton 1" remonstrated her husfcand, •' I grant that I have been reckless in throwing anything that comes to hand without paying sufficient attention to what it might be, but, my dear, when you speak of disturbed rest, pray recall to your mind the fact that it is in an effort to give you undisturbed rest by dispersing those cats from the premises that I have imperilled your shoes."

"Cats, if let alono, would not keep me awake," said Mrs. Sutton, majestically. " It's your foolishly impulsive attacks on them that I complain of, and these must cease. I can not and will not endure it 1"

" But, Mrs. Sutton ; I oannot sleep with that caterwauling."

"I only say," said Mr 3. Sutton, very severely, "that some other method than Shrowiog all our valuables over the fence most bs thought of ;!i; !i and with these words Mrs. Sutton took herself and her boots away, leaving her wretched husband seated between the horns of a dilemma.

Their hou3e, a " reoherohe mansion, suitable for the residence of one of our merchant princes," as the advertisement that first drew Mrs. Sutcon'a attention to the placa styled it, was no longer the pouroe of pride that i& had been, for the whole place, esepeoifilly the allay fence, was infested by cate ; the very lowest, most ruffianly of cats in legions. The coarse, gutter tones of their voioas, upraised every night as they were, in strains of love or wild vendetta, were too much for the sensitive nerves of Mr. SuUon — he who loved retirement, acd whose chiefest pleasure was what he fondly styled "wooing the musio" late at night. Insiead, ha was obliged to listen to the voices of these horrible beasts, and, in fact, all of the hours that he should have been elscpiisg were rendered hideous by these creatures.

Mrs. Sutton had borne uith tho trouble in enforoed patience until her frantio husband had laid his hands on all thioga. When it came to brie-a-braa and articles of personal property, Mrs. Satton felt it must b 9 stopped, and had said so. And her husband knew that when she adopted a certain tone and air. it must indeed. That very afternoon he met his nephew, J. Deming Hazard, a young lawyer waiting for praotice, and begged of him io devise a plan to rid him of the pest o't his life, and was promised relief. The following morning as he took his way down town he met the nephew who heartlessly accosted him witn : "My dear uncle, you lock Beedy this mornIng. Had a bad night'B rest ?" " That's a matter of course. Have you thought of a remedy ?"

" Well, yes, I think I may say I have a sure thing.' 1

41 1 hope you may have. I hope yon have," said his unole with a sigh. ''Anything you do I will approve. I have tried everything myself with no result, Unless it has been to draw those devilish beasts in greater number. What is your plan 2" "That ia a 'little thing of my own,' ai Bunthorne says. By the way, uncle, how's moonlight?"

" Moonlight ?" " Yes, moonlight. Aa for me, lamin my office working bo hard that I never have a chance to see such a thing as a moonlight night. I really don't know when she shinea or when she don't. By t\a way, uncla, you ought to throw something handsome in tha way of business my way U I rid you of your oats."

" I shan't forget you, Jamea," said Mr. Sutton, with great solemnity.

"All light. lam willing to guarantee that the cure shall hegin the first moonlight night. Well, you see," in answer to tha question in hia uncle's eye, '' moonlight is goo&ior taking observation p. You will like to see this thing work, won't you ? Wnen did you say V* " The moon will be full on Thursday ."

•' And to-day is Saturday ; very well."

That night Mrs. Sutton remarked at dinner that Mr. Button's nephew bad been doing something at the alley fence, bo the cook reported. Mr. Sattoa made no reply, but rojoiced in his heart. On Thursday night J. Darning Hazard arrived ju?t after dinner, and seeking hia unole in the library announced that fcis arrangements were completed. "So come down with me, uncle, and see tho 4ihing work."

(Joing down into the b°.sement and out into tha back yard, Mr. Satton looked and listened a moment, then said : " I see and hear the usual horrible state of things."

" Exactly— just wait a minuto " Leaving his uncle, young Hazard went forward until he nearly reached the end of the little garden without in the least disturbing the dozen or more oats pleasantly occupied in giving a first-class oonoert on the alley fence. Rejoining his uncle he observed, joyfully : 41 Now yon shall see."

A minute longer passed with no change, when an old tabby rising to oharge upon a foe was seen to describe the most singular movements. She flew into the air es if she had been shot, and came down again with an agonised howl, only to fly up again with renewed foroe. Descending the second time the fell into the alley, and was Been no more. " Is Bhe dead ?" demanded Mr> Sutton, who had witnessed this gymnaßtio|(eat with •urjpriif,

" Ob v , no, osly a o .tonii.i?c3. Thia i« jtJy tbo ptolnde to lh<s fun.' 1

la thd rac:n!;s7io th? remaining oats craned thfir heads ovi r tin ferioa to g.'izo uf cer their friend. Hq co following, tlicy xciumed their cor.ceri. IK-vaiavf mnments all went well until ona, get' ing ascited, made a rush, and all at onca repaated the strango antics of the first, rising in tho air as if tei; off like a rocket, and coming down like its stick, fell into the garden with a yell and darted up a Bhed roof and disappeared. Again dismsy teiztd the remaining cohorts. In tha meantime the oat 3' cries bad brought Mrs. Suttcn to the parlor window overlooking the scene, and the servants had come from the kitchen, and at evary iresn. tsc-rformanoe pet up a chorus of exclamations, tbile Mra. Sutton rcsjestioally demanded •.-hat it all msant.

"It's the cats, my dear," caid her_hua1 md. •• Cats I I should think so I Why Ho they •ream so ? What is happening? I demand a know, Mr. Satton ?'

"I don't understand it myself, Mrs. button, but — "

Here the attention of all was cTiverfed to a ■tuple of large mousers who rose to their >!Ct and began walking cautiously along with '10 evident intention of leaping down. -luoh to their astonishment, a step or two 4 nd thay too flew into the air, describing perfect curves as they did go, and uttering piercing shrieks, whioh the servants added to with their cries of "Holy mother, sea there I The poor craythurs! Ooh ! listen to 'em thin !"

Meantime the oafta. coming down with terrifio force, fell in tha alley, whenoe Hounded lamentable howls and criea.

, This was too muoh for those that remained, and there was a rush. Some jumped down c!fccrou3l,r, while others flew into the air like their fVcndi before tbem, and for a few minutes ij mined C3t3, whilo ths girls screamed and Mrs. Sntton demanded that " thia unseemly performance BhoalJ cease."

By thia time awhb wag restored, and aga>n Mrs. Satton dc-mamled to know tho reason.

_ " Applied science, my dear niadara. Nothing rccie. I assure you that a few nights of this fort of thing will finish the cata a=J far as you are concerned. Here, uncle," and leading Mr. Suiton dewn to the fence, J. Doming Hazard shovred him the metal plates he bad distributed ftlong tho top 0* the uiley fence. " You sac, my dear uncla, tho thing is very simple. Ja?t fix yor.r plates, oonnsct them with your store of electricity, and at tha proper time turn it on, and there you ere, and the cats aren't. See ?"

"Admirable I Admirable. And ye&, Jameg, 1 would not— will any of them die ?"

" No, no, I guesg not. Nervous shock, when unconnected with mental anxiety, won't bo fatal with cats, I think."

"If you have rid na of these cata — '

'* You'll remember what you said, won't yon, uncle ? You see a slight knowledge of science ia a valuable thing even for a young lawyer."

"James, I can't thank you enough. 1 ehall never forget this— neither wiil Mrs. Button, and any little thing I can do — corcu to dinner — come in, James, and Mrs. Sutton shall ask you to dinner. You have relieved rue, James, from a state that was approaching—desperation—and Mrs. Sutton vfsb growing nervous." "AU right," said his nephew. " I don't think I will come to dinner, though." J. Dsming Hazard was as good as hla word. No cats care for electrio Bhockg, and in the course of a night cr two the extraordinary state of that particular alley fence was freoly advertised among all cats. They came no more. Mrs. Sutton oven ventured after a little to replace her biic-a-brac, and Mr. Sutton finished his essny and wrote others.