Storyettes.

Tuapeka Times, Volume XXIV, Issue 1890, 23 April 1892, Page 2 (Supplement)

Storyettes.

Grave and Gray, Epigrammatic and Otherwise.

Men. D.-ssEB, Archbishop of Bordeaux' was taken to task for his friendly intercourse with the Protealant minister in that city. The very tolerant prince of the church replied : " f*ay &l low me t0 bave ths P leasure of eeeing him in this world, as I am noS sure of meeting nim in the next."

James tde first, being requested by his old nurse to make her son " a gentleman," answered emphatically : " I'll mak 1 him a baronet gin ye like, luokie, but the de il himsel' oouldna' mak' him a gentleman. J rues the First was the fir3t to create baronets (1611). He it was, also, who said of the wiveß of hi 3 law lords : " I can make the carls lords, but I oanna' make thecarlinea ladits."

Not mauy years a^o, in the Temple Court, London, was a sun dial with the motto : •Ba gone about your bußiness." This unvituil inscription arose from tha " builder's man" oalling to reoeive orders about it, when the bencher in charge was so busy that he did not listen, bat said : Be gone about your business,'' whioh the man took as his answer and forthwith engraved.

"A Book of Seotoh Haroor" illustrates anew oi a nativa of ADnandala the saying that a prophet is not without honor save in his own country. " I ken tham al,"a 1 ," saidthe luatio, speaking of the Cailylss; fl Jock's a doctor aboot London. Tarn's a harem3carem kind o' ohiel, an 1 wrests books an 1 that. Bat Jamie — yon's his farm you see owre yonder Jimie's the man 0' that family, an' I'm pood to say I ken him. Jamie Carlyle, sir, foeasthe best swine that come into Dumfries market."

Some w?eka ago, at oue of cur libraries (-ays the Cincinnati Times-Star), a young woman walked up to the desk and said : "Give me a good shaking." The young man who was in attendance blushed to the roots of hia hair, and, after a moment's hesitation, pulled himself together sufficiently to stammer : <; Er— er— who— who is it by?" " Gaorgo Maodonald, I think," came the answer. Then he hustled around for a time, and at at last found out that what she wanted was a book oalled " A Rough Shaking." The young man's nervea were onstrung for the rest of the day,

Old Newton, a well-known London magistrate (says New York Truth) ence bad a crazy street-preacher before him, oharged with obstructing fue thoroughfare. He saw thut he wa3 a harmle3 imbecile, and, being a kind-hearted man, did not feel like punishing him, so he said : •• Of coarse we C3n't have thoroughfares obstructed in this way ; but if you can give ma the name of a friend who will be your surety that there shall be no recurrence of tbia-nui3acce, I'll discharge you."

" I have no friend,"' said the man, " save the the Lard, 1 '

•• Qaiteso," said old Newton ; "but I nisan who ia a householder in London.' 1

"The Lord,"' said tha man, "ia everywhere."

"Certainly, certainly," said Nawton, as he took a fresh pinch of snuft and twisted up his brow ; " but I must trouble yoa for a surety of— well, of what I might call a more settled residence."

Couldock's company was once barn-storm-ing through Virginia. It was at Petersburg and the play was " The Chimney Corner." All through tha audienos sat in distressing silence, neither laughing nor Bhsdding a tear, although "The Chimney Corner" abounds with humor and pathos, and the company then produaing it was of great merit for those times. Coaldook appeared to pay no attention to the apathy of his audience until just at the close of the performance. The concluding lines of the play are soaiawhat to thia eilaeS : " You. John, are happy, and so are you, Ellen; so am I, and so ara we all. Let ua hope that r»nr friends, the public, share our happiness." Cat to the surpriso of everybody, Couldook fell iato a towering pas3ion when he reaohed thess lines, and, in thundering tones, be said : " Yon, John, are happy, and so are you, EJen ; bo am 1, and so are we all> except the ■ — lools that have been sitting like stougncon bottles in front of the footlights to night I"

Blaokbeard w&3 a beau ideal pirate, possessed with a mania for getting married. During hi 3 first soj )urn «i 6 North Carolina, Ha friend, the governor, married him to his fifteenth wifa, a young girl of sixteen, whom he treated mos* brutally: Unlike the French Bluebe&rd, however, be did not kill any of his wives. He bad them at different ports, and presumably visited each just when he happened to be in her particular neighborhood. He was a man of Borne humor, but humor of a grim, E&rdonio kind, whioh is illustrated by a oouple of stories. He was drinking oae night in his cabin with his pilot, with H3nd3, ciptain of one ol the sloops, and with another man, who iB unnamed. Suddenly the diabolical fit came upon him, snd,qu<etly drawing out a pair cf Btnall pistols, he cocked them crosswise under the table, blew out the light, and fired. The anonymous man had heard the cock of the weapons, and, knowing that mischief was whistling in the air, made tracks for the companion, but Hands and the pilot were jot quick enough, and the former reoeived a shot in the knee whioh lamed him for life, while the latter eaoaped with nothing worse than a grazed leg. Hands, with a loud oath, asked what was the meaniDg of this diversion, wherenpon Blaokbeard, with another oath, answered that if he did not now and than kill one of them they would forget who he was t Blaokbeard died fighting, as beseems an old sea ruffian, and in hia la&t encounter, against Lieutenant Maynard, did not finally drop until he had reseived five pistol shots and twenty sabre-oats about his body.

Thb Berlin correspondent of a syndicate of provincial papers is responsible for the following Btory: ''On the occasion of the reassembling of the Holy Synod in the Russian capital, it was resolved to forward to his majesty, in gooordance with traditional usage, the arohipastoral benediction. The jlerk who was employed to prepare the document, formally communicating the pious resolution, made a curious mistake. By a llip of the pen, he wrote ' architectural ' inrtead of ' archipastoral,' and the resolution was forwarded without the error being detected. When the Czar reoeived it, he laughed heartily, and wrote on the margin : 1 1 have no need of such a blessing.' He then dismissed the matter from his mind. The document, however, with the imperial annotation, found its way haok to the Holy Synod, and produced among the members of that body the greatest auspriae and consternation. Without stopping to investigate the matter, the exalted ecclesiastics, who were responsible for the resolution, jumped to the conclusion that they had, in some way or other, incurred the Czar's displeasure, and that his majesty's comment was an intimation to them that they were expected immediately to resign. They acoordingly went in a body to the imperial palace, and humbly tendered their joint and several resignations. It was now the turn of the Czftr to be overwhelmed with amazement, and it was only after a good deal of embarrassment and reciprocal explanations that the matter was sat right. Tha interview terminated with a mild hint, on the part of his majesty, that, even in the records of religious bodies, verbal nocuraoy ia a very desirable quality.

Cyril (in the garden) : "Father! father! look out of the window 1" Paterfamilias (putting out hia head) : " What a nuisance you children are 1 What do you want now 7" Cyril (with a triumphant glance at hia playfellow): "Johnnie Cope wouldn't beBefe you'd got no hair on the top of your