Josh Billings' Philosophy.

Tuapeka Times, Volume XXIV, Issue 1813, 18 July 1891, Page 2 (Supplement)

Josh Billings' Philosophy.

Love iz a lighted kandel, and coquets fly around it, just az a miller duz, till by and by they dive into it, and then what a burnt coquet and miller we bay. ! It ain't bekauze lovers are bo senftitiff thai I they qusrrell so often, it iz beoauze thate iz> so mutch phun in making up. I don't kno but a prude may possibly fall' in love, but if she ever duz, she don't kno> it. About the last thing a man das tew korrekt hiz faults iz tew quit them. I should jist as soon ezpekt tew Bee » monkey fall in love as to Bee a dandy. The wimmen ought tew ketoh all them phellows»who part their hair in the middle; and clap a red flannel pettyooat on them. The chief end ov woman, now daze, seems 1 tew be to wear new silk clothes, and thechief end 07 man seems to be to pay forthem. About all that this far famed philosophy kan teach us, iz tew suffer pain and not own it ; and it seems to hay reached the hight of. its ambishun when it courts Borrow, for the* sake ov being a martyr. Pure ignoranse, after all, iz the best alloy for vanity, for a vain phool iz quite harmless. It iz better that we be graiter than oar oondishan in life, than tew bay oar oondisbuu appear too grate for us. Thare iz nothing that a man kan do that should out him off from pitty ; the fakt thai he iz human should always entitle him ic. commiserashun, Prudes hoard their virtewß, the same bjt, mizors do their money, more for the sake cv recounting them, than for use. If yon seek wisdom, mi yang frientT Bkaddy men, and things ; if yu desire larnir etuddy dikehionarys. I think opportanityi ace madefallazoftei, az they happen, I hay often had grave doubts, whioh W255 ov the most importance, (he bustle ov roei* ' oi to« bony qt ante. 74