BY THE WAY.

Star (Christchurch), Volume XLIV, Issue 192, 14 August 1931, Page 6

BY THE WAY.

Some Collections and Reflections.

(By ONE OF THE BOYS.) “ I have no particular fault to find with your acting,” said the stage manager to the aspirant, “ but I don't think your death scene has enough life in it." “ Do you know,” said the successful shopkeeper pompously, “ that I started life as a barefoot boy?” “ Well,” said the new assistant, “ I wasn’t born with boots on, either.” Teacher: “Name a poisonous substance.” Pupil: “Aviation.” “Explain yourself!” “One drop will kill.” Aunt Mary (horrified) : “ Good gracious, Harold! What would your mother say if she saw you smoking cigarettes?” Harold (calmly): “She’d have a fit. They’re her cigarettes." “ I hear that Katherine is marrying that X-ray specialist." “Is she? I wonder what he can see in her?" “ I’ve just come to fetch my wife," said the late arrival. “ Dear Mr Blank,” exclaimed the gushing hostess, “ why didn’t you come before?" “ He’s a clever boy,” said the teacher, “ but he’s very much given to lying.” “ I don’t know where he learned that,” said the father. “ His mother never tells lies, and I’m so little at home.” Someone wants to know what is wrong with the beach pyjamas a certain type of girl wears on the street. There’s nothing wrong with the pyjamas. We thought there was nothing so easy as spending other people’s money, but here is a new thought—lending it. A Riccarton hen comes into the kitchen to lay her eggs. There’s service for you. “ Pa, does bigamy mean that a man has one wife too many?” “ Not necessarily, son, a man can have one wife too mdhy and still not be a bigamist.” A kind-hearted old gentleman saw a boy trying to reach the door-bell of a house in Fendalton. He rang it for him, and asked, “ What now, my little man?" “ Run like hell,” said the youngster. ** That’s what I’m going to do.” An English lord was touring this country, and stopped at a farmhouse for dinner. During the meal, the small daughter of the house heard the, other members of the family asking: “My lord, won’t you have some of this?” and “My lord, won’t you have some of that?” So after due observation, she piped up with: “ Mamma, God wants a pickle.”