BY THE WAY.

Star (Christchurch), Issue 19129, 23 July 1930, Page 9

BY THE WAY.

SOME COLLECTIONS AND REFLECTIONS. (By One of the Boys.) “ I am so annoyed. I do not want to invite that horrid Mrs Prim to my reception, yet I cannot slight her.” “ Give her invitation to your husband to post.” Chemistry Professor: “ What can you tell me about nitrates?” Student: “ Well—er—they are a lot cheaper than day rates.” Angus: “ Weel, Maggie, the wind’s gone roond fra’ west tae sooth. Noo you can hae the change of air-r the doctor ordered.” The church conference was over, and the hostesses were returning from seeing the visitors off. “ Who did you have, Mrs Brown?” asked Mrs Retlaw. “ Oh, a very nice minister. Who did you have?” “ I had two locust preachers,” confessed Mrs Retlaw. “ You mean two local preachers. Locusts are those things that come in swarms and eat up everything.” “ That’s right,” said her friend. “ I had two of them.” “Is that all the work you can do in an hour?” asked Sam’s employer, as he surveyed the scanty result of his new man’s labour. “ Well, sah,” said Sam. “ I dussay I could do moh’— but, believe me, I nevah was one for showin’ off.” During his visit to the church school the vicar put this question to a class of little girls: “If all the good people were white and all the bad people were black, what colour would you be?” Some answered “ White ” and others “Black.” But little Mary replied: “ Please, sir, I’d be streaky.” Brown: “That scoundrel Jobson called me an idiot! ” Smith: “ He didn’t prove it, did he?” “No, but .” “ Then I advise you to let the matter drop, or he might.” Of all the roles our Mayor has had I really think I like him best In this as Cupid’s aide-de-camp To find a man at love’s behest. To find two nice and pleasant lads He’ll need his pluck and some of Dan’s, Just think of trouble oft brought on By love and also published banns. And then the girls that meeting day May class his pick as dull and stupid. Forgetting ’twas their own request That forced him into helping Cupid.