BY THE WAY.

Star (Christchurch), Issue 19107, 27 June 1930, Page 6

BY THE WAY.

SOME COLLECTIONS AND REFLECTIONS.

(By One of the Boys.)

I suppose in the matter of this trouble in Malta, it will be correct to pour castor oil on the troubled waters

One of our traffic cops who was on ■natrol dutv told me that he saw a chan driving away from a dance hall with one arm around his girl. Riding up to him he shouted. “Hey, don’t vnu know vou’ve got to use both hands?” And the gifted youth answered, “Yes. but darn it, how can I steer the car?”

Saw a new notice on the window of our local fish shop, “Eat more fish, the real brain food,” so I hopped off .my bike and went in. While the fish was cooking I said, “So you are advertising now?” “Yes, .sir,” he answered, “and I advertise in the newspapers, too, and it pays; you see, my business is so wrapped up in them.” The Rugby Union has accepted the services of the Caledonian Pipe Band for the second test. With the pibrochs rousing rallies . What grit our team will show Buoyed up by all the “Callies” And all of them will go. ’Twill help to make the Britons smile. And p’raps keep down their score When they first hear these pipes awhile Upon this alien shore. So let us thank this good pipe band, Their number swollen mightily, And hope they won’t be near our stand They’ll all turn out; you see it's free. “The rift in the cycling world has broken out in a new place,” say’s a Press Association message.—Repair outfits needed, apparently.

An Australian parson, during a somewhat prolonged visit to a squatter’s station, had had a surfeit of the Australian national meat. Knowing that it was mere parsimony that prevented the appearance of mutton or beef at the table, and trusting that a hint might effect a welcome change, the parson concluded his grace before meat one evening with:— Rabbit hot, rabbit cold, Rabbit young, rabbit old, Rabbit tender, rabbit tough, Of these, good Lord, we’ve had enough. Every kiss shortens the life by two minutes, so it is said. A flapper was heard to say that she has always felt she would die young. A famous swimmer is to be married shortly. He is taking the plunge. a* S* “Why did ’is father send ’im into the Air Force?” “Because ’e was no earthly good.” Teacher: “Parse the sentence: 'Tom married Jane.’ ” Small Boy: “Tom’s a noun because he's the name of something. Married’s a conjunction because it joins Tom and Jane. Jane’s a verb because she governs the noun.” The Prohibition lecturer made an impassioned speech. “Would that I could be a Mussolini!” he cried. “Oh, that 1 could be dictator in this country just for a single day! 1 would throw every bottle of beer and spirits into the Avon.” Then he sat down, and the’ chairman immediately announced the hymn, “Shall we gather at the river?” Young Blood: “I kissed Rosita when we played that statue game at theparty’, then somebody turned the light* out and I went on kissing her ” “What did she say?” “That she neve** wanted to see my race again ” Mabs: “It is easier to learn goll than motoring? ” Babs* “One’s just as difficult as the other. At golf you hit nothing at first and when motoring you hit everything.” Judging by the list of fines for speeding it seems to me that the Highways Board paid for our paved roads too soon.