BY THE WAY.

Star (Christchurch), Issue 18935, 4 December 1929, Page 9

BY THE WAY.

SOME COLLECTIONS AND REFLECTIONS. (By One of the Boys.) A small boy was explaining to visitors that the Port Hills had been there for ten thousand and six years. “ How do you get the odd six years,” someone asked him. “ Well,” he said, “ I was told they were ten thousand years old before I was born, and I’ve just turned six.” Loud sirens on motor-cars and lorries are to be discouraged by the City Council. And what about those who ride on the back of motor-cycles? Only one woman is known to have fallen a victim to confidence men. Does this indicate that it is not easy to beat an expert at his or her own game? Tobacco prices have risen in Australia, but it still remains for the consumers to raise the price of a smoke. After spending a sleepless night I have arrived at the solution of the territorial problem in the Antarctic. Ownership is claimed by the United States. Let it be forthwith conceded on condition that all American citizens who support the claim are forthwith shipped down to the Antarctic to fettle the country. They could then have it by right of continuous occupation. An author says some people keep on predicting the end of the world in spite of the fact that they are always wrong. But he must admit that they get a little nearer every time. In condemning a tailor to death for murdering a soldier by stabbing him, a famous Scottish judge of the ’eighties thus delivered himself: “ And not only did you murder him, whereby he was bereaved of his life, but you did thrust, or push, or pierce, or project, or propel the le-thall weapon through the bellyband of his regiment-al breeches, which were his Majesty’s.” * *: *: “ Am I the only ” “ Don’t! ” he murmured, don’t ask me if you’re the only girl I ever loved. You know you are! ” “ I was going to ask if I was the only girl who would have you,” she said. Four and twenty Yankees, Feeling very dry, Went across to Canada, Calling for some rye. When the rye was opened The Yanks began to sing, “WTio the is Hoover? God save the King.” “The total area of,New Zealand is 66,000,000 acres, but over 22,000,000 acros are left out of the calculations,” states a report from the Government Statistician. More slipshod work by a Government Department. Two Scotsmen were staying at an hotel and discovered that there was no soap in the bathroom. They rang for the boy. “Sen’ up sape, lad—a wee, bit sape, quick! ” exclaimed one of the Caledonians. The boy gazed open-mouthed at the two men, muttering; “ They ain’t French, nor German, nor yet Spanish. What can they want?” One Scot became angry. “Mon,” he thundered, “can ye no’ understan’ plain Scotch?” The boy promptly withdraw, and returned with a bottle and two glasses.