BY THE WAY.

Star (Christchurch), Issue 17906, 23 July 1926, Page 9

BY THE WAY.

SOME REFLECTIONS AND COLLECTIONS. (By One of the Boys.) T'was midnight on the ocean, Not a trolley car in sight, The skipper called a taxicab And rode all day that night. The organ peeled potatoes, Lard was rendered by the choir, The sexton rang the dishrag, And the churchbell went on fire. T’was a winter's day in summer, The rain was dry, alas. The barefoot boy with boots on Stood sitting on the grass. Village Gossip: Did you hear that Colonel Smith was going to marry Miss Brown ? Cattish Old Maid: Indeed, I thought his fighting days were over. It was at one of those “fraternal” gatherings held in Merivale known as “At Homes.” First Lady: My dear, these cakes are as hard as stones. Second Lady: I know. Didn’t yon hear her say as she passed them round, “Take your pick.” A former Mayor of Northampton who died at 92 began life as a shepherd bov. Most people begin life much earlier than that. German scientists predict that the winters will gradually become warmer and the summers cooler. There is, however, no mention made of moon-lit nights becoming darker and un-moon-lit nights becoming brighter. We are told that teeth contain four per cent of animal matter: vet teeth have been known to us to contain min- • eral matter to a much Jarger degree. Four-fifths of the exports of Newfoundland consist of fish. The other fifth, we assume, is scales. By the use of a simple new apparatus fruit imported into Great Britain can be “sent to sleep” instead, of being put in cold storage. Certain pains following the consumption of some o* these apples were attributed to their waking up after interment. An Arab aged 105 at Jerusalem has been sent to prison for ten years. This should do much to discourage the growing practice of longevity. Sullivan suffers From refusers and rebuffers— Ministers hard-hearted, Who from their cash will not be parted. It seems probable that in Soccer football circles there is shortly to be a lot of Thistles. The office boy,, a Rugby fan. thinks that’s good enough for the asses who play the gam.e. Spanish peasants are noiv wearing shoes made from old motor-car tyres. It is hard luck for those ivho can’t afford a car: they, of course, have to go barefoot. At a lecture # last night, the lecturer explained how the simple space lattice in crystal planes was constructed Now I understand. The Scottish team's bad showing against the Australians will cause no surprise. Ever since the unfortunate occurrence in 1917 when one of the team lost the ball through hitting it over the fence into a pond, the team has been over-cautious.

A good story is told of Lord M’Haggis, whose fami.lv castle is near the town of St Pibroch, a holiday resort of American millionaires. One day the M’Haggis was at the wickets hitting merrily away, gillie came out with an urgent confidential message to say that he had overheard that Lady M’Haggis, a Southerner, had promised the boys two bottles of whisky if he made a centur}*-. Then he noticed for the first time that there were no straight balls. Lord ll'llaggis was, however, a man of resource. After a desperate five minutes waiting for some one to bowl him, he turned round nd scattered his stumps with his bat.