SPINDRIFT.

Star (Christchurch), Issue 17013, 11 April 1923, Page 6

SPINDRIFT.

Headers are invited to send in oriei&Al topical paragraphs or versea for th« column, which is a daily feature of the Star.” Accepted contributions should be cut out by the writers and forwarded to the Wditor, who will remit the amounts payable. There is a certain Magistrate who presides over otic of t.be Police Courts it: New South Wales who always endeavours to smooth over any littie difference between persons brought before him. The other day the charge was for technical assault, and it came out in the course of the evidence that the parties were neighbours and had been on the best of terms for a number of years. "It is a great pity.” said His Worship, “ that old friends, as you seem to have been, should appear before me in this way. Surely this is a case which might be settled out of tcourt.’’ 1 I reckon it can’t be done, your Honor,’’ answered the plaintiff, moodily. " Thought so myself, but the cur won’t fight.” Heard in a stationer’s shop recently : Enter a young wdy who asked the shop assistant for some thin stationery, and after selecting what she desired she hesitated for a moment. ‘‘ Do you make any reduction to clergymen?” she asked softly. ‘Certainly, madam,” said the assistant with great promptness. “ Are jcu a clergyman's wife?” • N-no,” said the young lady. " Ah, a. clergyman’s daughter th?n?” said the assistant, as he beffan to tie up the parcel. j “ N-no.” said the voting lady. Then ] she leaned across (he counter and • spoke in a confidential and thrilliug whisper. " But I shall be married to one early next month.” Lucky man. The band had just finished a vigorous and not harmonious selection, but the villagers fairly boiled over with enthusiasm. As the musicians sank to their seats F *ter bowing for the applause the trombonist asked hoarsely. “ What’s the next one?” ” Washington Post March,” answered the leader, consulting his pi*ogramme. "Good Lord!” ejaculated the trombonist. ‘* I ju-t got through playing that!” At a certain coni mine on the West Coast the superintendent was greatly annoyed from time to time by the employees moving into and out of the company's houses without notifying him of their frequent changes. It also became quite impossible for him to keep his rent accounts straight on his office books, and finally, in his exasperation, he resolved upon a stringent method. He therefore posted on the signboard the following notice:— Not is to all them im ployed. Anney Person or persons what moves into A House without my consent shal be put out without amney cemmonv. Dam it i must and will *ave some sistom. (Signed) Knockout. The English language has some words with double meanings in it. Sin bad makes no pretence to the originality of this momentous remark, but merely adduces it as evidence. Now the word "shore” is equally used as meaning " the border of the sea ” and also as a "prop.” In this connection it is worth noticing that in Omnaru. a seaside town. Mr Massey will probably be glad if the election casts him upon a Lee Shore. A cynical dictionary describes a Bar ns a place where water is scarce and danger near.” Ir. is doubtful whether the learned lexicographer was referring to the Sumner Bar. A newspaper article states that certain tailors are now making clothes from iron. Sinbad’s wife says that they are evidently not what- the tailor put into that last suit for Sinbad •Junior, especially at the knees and scat. THE 'WEATHER. When hints of winter are in the air, I never know what clothes to wear, For it I put my warmest shirt on The sun comes blazing out of season, And if I wear mv summer suit He never shows himself -the brute Then usually in the Autumn 1 feel as if I’d nought on Except when I decide to don A coat for it to rain upon. Whatever Autumn clothes yon buy, You’re sure to heave a heavy sigh At why on earth You've bought ’em— Oh. it's a shocking time is Autumn. The truth is this, that altogether j do not care for this cold weather. “ Fashions for Men. Boots for the Muddy Weather.” -Advt. The idea is not so novel as the writer i imagines. I have worn them for years to keep my socks clean. R ECO R Dfi WA \ TED. L hare a complaint to make against the compilation of the Official New Zealand Sporting Calendar. It is incomplete. I venture to suggest that next year the following records be included in the publication :--- * | Three-legged race: Fastest time done j b'- a trio of one-legged men. Long jump while singing " K K, ! K Katy." Putting the weight : (a.) with a toy balloon; (b) with a plum pudding, j (c) with a current copy of " Hansard.” Throwing the hammer: Largest number of spectators injured. Longest, lady’s leap: (a) on seeing a mouse : (b) to get a vacant seat in a tram. Throwing the cricket hall witli greased fingers. Early fire-lighting competition : (a) on a frosty morning; (h) on washing day. Fastest time of a winner from the rails to the tote pay-out window. Distance covered by a man who “keeps to the left.’’ on the city streets. Number of ladies with dry handkerchiefs after .seeing " Dust and Sand.” An American newspaper recently offered a prize for the “ Perfect Husi and.” And ho has been found at last. I am not surprised to hear he is a millionaire. " Perambulator Bat e.”—See what I the Labour Party’s doing for us. Picture show advertisement:— For “ To-morrow’s Da mi.” Book Your Scat. Personally I’m taking it lying down, j A postcard posted in London ten j veal's ago has just been delivered. It , is supposed to have been rchasnl !•. • f an official who is breaking up his col- j lection. News par: - “Tiie contest for the | < Mavoral.lv i< certain tu be a three j j cornered affair.” , SINBAD. *\