SPINDRIFT.

Star (Christchurch), Issue 16938, 12 January 1923, Page 6

SPINDRIFT.

Headers are invited to Bend in original topical paragraphs or verses for this volumn, which is a daily feature of the "Star.” Accepted contributions should be out out by the writers and forwarded to the Editor, who will remit the amounts payable. Many persons who admit their mistakes put the admission in the form of a hard luck Btory. A sporting writer states: “Papyrus was always a high-class two-year-old, and I expect him to remain bo.” Evi clently his trainer has discovered the long sought after fountain of eternal “ Revival of Sinn Fein,” reads a headline. Well, that’s the first we knew it was ever in need of a revived. “ Why have I never married?” The confirmed bachelor repeated a leading question. “ Well, once upon a time in a crowd I trod on a lady’s gown. -K he turned furiously, beginning: ‘You clumsy brute!’ Then she smiled sweetly and said : Oh, I beg your pardon. I thought you were ray husband.’ ” “No,” replied Farmer Comtossel. of Iowa: “and if there was I’m too discreet- and law-abidin’ a citizen to ! advertise theirTuisitiess.” “ Low priced typewriters.” For lownecked typistes ? “ The principal implement? of murder to-day are motor-cars.”—Extract from news item The Huns’ good shooting was a thing Worth while to dodge o; duck. And the Allies pointed shooters Were no signs of better luck. But after all, despite the noise, They didn’t—not by far. Cause quite as many corpses As the wildly driven car. The dentist ha-s a big pull over some people. A pillar of the church : The threepenny bit. Tattle Jack Welter, In the. tram shelter Sat waiting for Mary or Kate, He wasn’t quite certain Which was the- person He had asked to the pictures so late. He fumed and he fretted, No girl had he netted— Not one passed him out a glad eye But when Janie appeared He said with a sigh, “Oh what a giddy vouiig devil am I.” Dear Uncle Sinbad, —I am writing these few lines to let you know we had a lovely time last Sunday. Dad drove u= over to the Kerfupps’ in the second-hand Ford lie bought a- couple of years ago. Dad looked fine in his collar and Mum was* all dressed up. Mrs Kerfupps met us at the front door and we all shook hands and told each other how glad we was to see each other. Then we all went inside and put our hats on. the bed and admired the pillow-shams and pictures. Mrs Kerfupps explained all the photos to us and showed a framed enlargement of “ Billy, the wonder pig.” and everybody said how lovely it was. Then we had afternoon tea and music, Elsie Kerfupps played “ The Blue Bells of Scoljand.” and some exercises on the piano, and Norman Kerfupps sang “ Poor Old Joe ” beautifully. He has grown a moustache. Uncle, and he looks just like Rodolf Valentino that we saw in “ The Freak.” After that we all sat round and listened to Dad and Mr Kerfupps talking about the price of wool and kidneys in sheep. It was so interesting. Then we went into the bedroom again and put on our hats because it was getting late and there was the milking at home. *YVe told the Kerfupps family what a great day we had and asked them over next Sunday. It’s better than tho town. Uncle.— Your loving niece. Ellen. THE MAIDEN’S FAREWELL. The time has come for us to part ; A teardrop fills mine eye. How oft I’ve clasped thee to my heart, With joy in days gone by. When I first saw thee I was sure Thou earnest to me to stay, But nothing earthly doth endure . . All things must pass away. Plow oft in days forever past, My form thou hast embraced. Another takes thy place at last And clasps my yielding v aist. But- such iis life . . . wc meet to part. In midst of change we dwell. I’ll clasp another to my breast. . . , Old corset. . . . Fare thee well. Cigarette smoking at high altitudes is very good for you. according to the latest explorer, Captain Finch. After deeply inhaling smoke, he and his companions were able to breathe automatically, instead of having to thin.t about every breath. Air Shandy has written to me, claiming to have anticipated this discovery by some years. He says: “During my extensive travels as an explorer and hill-climber, I have found tobacco very useful indeed. Once on the top of" Kilimanjaro. I found that three or four pipes of strong shag soon did away with all the effects of the high altitude. Again, having reached the summit of Popoeatapotl. it required the smoke of a good cigar to put me quite right. “ Only the other day. too. T was climbing that range which has proved a death-trap to so many eminent mountaineers —I mean the Port Hills. Christchurch —and was almost overcome by the great heat and the clouds of dust roused by a very strong and persistent wind which blows in these parts. Descending. I perceived a little hostelry, or inn, resting on the plain. Joyfully. I was soon reviving myself with mighty draughts of foaming beer. T can assure Captain Finch that it was much more efficacious than Damn Nicotine. After a few drinks, I was able to breathe automatically, and did not have to think about every breath. Next time I go mountaineering, I intend to climb mountains where such hostelries are frequent.” In Russia there is a shortage of raw material. That settles it. The Bolshies have cooked the country. “ Charlej', dear.” exclaimed young Mrs Torkins, “I am convinced that Solomon’s reputation for extraordinary wisdom was deserved.” “ Why?” “ Although you read of his spendipg l money recklessly you don’t see any suggestion that he ever had a bet on a horse race.” “ Do you know why cal] our language the mother tongue?” “ Because father never gets a chance to use it.” “ The Anglo-French Divorce.” is the name given by the French newspapers to the recent break in political negotiations. Tn this case, Germany pays the alimony. MNBAD.