ROUND THE TOWN.

Star (Christchurch), Issue 12174, 24 November 1917, Page 8

ROUND THE TOWN.

I am a Snapper up of Unconsidered Trtfies. When the war had been going for eleven thousand and seven days Mr Massey woke up, and said: "The time is coming when we shall have to organise more thoroughly." # * 4r In the course of the school match at Kagley Park on Thursday a young High School player who had just concluded a ducks-egg innings was accosted by a pal as he returned to the pavilion with the strange, remark, "Well, do you believe in dreams NOW?" * » There has been a great deal of talk lately about the dropping out of "one and possibly two" reinforcements. It would be interesting to know -which ones they are, in order to watoh the rush to enlist in them. • * # " A Sturdy Democrat " writes indignantl'y to ask what Mr Asquith meant when he said that nothing must be done to interfere with the responsibility of the people to their respective Governments. Pie was under the impression, he says, that Governments were responsible to the people. Of course, the only possible reply is that; these are abnormal times. * * A plump friend of ours dropped into the office the. other night, and conversation drifted to the subject of the chance he and. others present had at the. hands of the Medical Board when the family men are called up. " They won t take me," said the plump one cheerfully. "Are you willing to betabout it'' asked the office pessimist. The plump one said he wouldn't bet, but, although a teetotaller, he would buy drinks for the crowd if rejected. " And if you're accepted," said the pessimist, " I'l'L buy the drinks." ''Don't do anything of the sort," said the plump one swiftly, "you fellows will require to save your bobs to buy me a wreath 1"

T • * It, is necessary to explain, before telling this story, that Mr Mark Cohen is a well-known editor, who has his habitat in_ Dunedin. It happened that a Dunedin pressman was in this city on Thursday, and a friend met him iii the morning, fuIJL of the latest war news. " Have you heard the news?" he asked. " The Hindenburg Line has been broken as far as Marcoing." "You don't say so!" said the Dunedinite. "Well, I'm hanged if I ever knew before that that line reached right away down to Dunedin."

" I want somebody to show me where to put the coal," said, the grimy-iook-ing man with a sack on his head. "You needn't ask me that," retorted the young woman with asperity, " I don't have anything to do with the coal. I'm the kitchen lady." "I can't luip that." he retorted. "I'm the cml. gentleman, and th# father of three, kfcchen ladies,' one laundry lady, and or. char lady, and if you don't show m where to put this eoal I'll call th woman of the house." "I—l'll you, sir," she humbly replied, le*'"*s° the way to the eoalhouse.

The destruction by fire of the Canterbury Hall bLock resulted, inter alia (as _th e lawyers say), in a flood of reminiscences about things that happened seventeen years ago, when the hall still smelt strongly of the bricklayer's art and the poesy of the plasterer. Among these stories the one that appeals most strongly to our sympathies is the one that deals with an incident in the life of William the_ Crook. William was a person of infinite jest, and about the best thing he ever did is related by the Religious Editor. One day William and the Religious Editor were coming out of tile Industrial Exhibition which signalised the opening of the Canterbury Hall, when William suddenly spotted a quite respectable-looking citizen making suspicious motions with a bicycle pump. The aforesaid citizen dashed first to one bicycle and then to another with the implement of inflation. William assumed an attitude oc righteous indignation. "What are you doing with my pump?" he demanded in stentorian tones. " I—l just borrowed

it to blow up my tyre," Btammered the citizen. "Look here, my friend," said William, in tragic tones, "has it ever occurred to you what was likely to happen when someone caught you in the the act of borrowing? You know what it means . . . Six months, or a very heavy fine, my Christian friend. But I don't want to be too hard. Tlio Magistrate would finß jyou at least a fiver. How much is it worth to you to keep this case out of Court?" Whereupon the citizen, who may, or may not, have been innocent of criminal intent, dug down into his trouser pocket and produced eighteen and ninepence. He also said incoherent things about his wife and children. William pocketed the money with the air of a philanthropist. "Put the pump back wher e you gof it," he demanded. The citizen 1 did bo, attaching the apparatus to a very stylish bicycle with all thd latest fitments. William immediately Beized the stylish outfit, remarking, "Now let this be a lesson to you," and rode off. He is now incarcerated for a lengthy period, so there is no risk in publishing this reminiscence.