THE STORY-TELLER.

Star (Christchurch), Issue 11512, 7 October 1915, Page 7

THE STORY-TELLER.

THINGS OLD AND NEW. OBVIOUS. A farmer returning homo late at night found & man sending beside tho houso with a lighted lantern in his) hand. "What are yen doing herd'" he askpdl garagelv, suspecting h© had caught a criminal. For answer came a chuckle, and: "It's only mee, »ur." The farmer recognised John, his' shepherd. "It's vou, John, is it? What on earth are you doing here this, time o' nights' Another chuckle. "I'm a'-ooortin' Ann, zur." "And so you've come courting with it, lantern, you fool. Why, t never took a lantern when I courted your mistress." " No, aur, you didn't, zmy" John chuckled. "We .can all zee you didn't, zur." THNNER-HOUR. Bill's going to sue the company for damages.'' " Why, what did they do to liiut 7 *' They blew the dinner-xrh *.»#"» 'vfhssc, V was currying a. 'eavy piecfr of iron, snd ! e dropped it on his fu«t." 100 TitTE. •Said the captain to Pot, I'll have none of that," As Paddy of whisky was drinking his fil l . With a satisfied sigh, As Pat, finished th« rye, Said he, By .Tabors, I don't think you wiH. :; " I A TUSKS Y£IR." An acquaintance of a Mr Harrison mot him one day with a question: " 'Ow is your health to-day, Mr 1 'Arrisou?" " Mv name is not 'Arrigon," said Mr H. " Well," indignantly replied his friend, "if a haitch and a hay, two bars, a hi. a liesy, a ho and a hen don't spell ' Arrisoii, 1 what 011 hearth do they spell?" A LIFE Sl'lS T T'ENCT'j. Father ( who lias i/ono into the pantry unexpectedly. ,and iiuds James, aged ten, stealing biscuits): " Now, 'Tames, what do yon mean by this'r 1 Do you know that the law punishes peopie 101 small offences?" " Well, tou stole once, and did not get punished." ' " r?" father, you stole mother's heart!" "Right, niy son. But, remember, I gob severe punishment for that. I gob P<?»al servitude for life, and «m at still.AS CSV AT... Mrs Brown has never been ;>.ble to solve tht* servant problem, and hot' constant troubles were well known to Inn- friends. One of them asked her the other day how many servants she bad. Two. as usual,'" she replied, somewhat wearily; "one coming and the oilier going;.'' BUSINESS IS BUSINESS. In a. busy London suburb two pastrycooks occupy adjacent shops, and carry on a. keen rivalry. The other week one of them exhibited a tray of pies beneath the following notiee " Otto penny en eh. If yon pay more you are being robbed/' 11 is rival retaliated witb similar eatables, and the announcement 'Three-halfpence each. If you pay less you will be poisoned." A PRISONER. A British soldier in Belgium was one morning wending hi>i way to camp with a tine rooster in bis .arms, when he was stopped bv bis colonel to know if ho had been stealing chickens. " No, colonel." was the reply, " [ saw the old fellow sitting on the wall, n?ul 1 ordered hi in to crow for England, and be wouldn't., so I just took him XH'isone r." WHAT SORT, A young Jo panose eoniposi tor employed on a. Japanese paper in New York was riding down town id a City Hall train the other morning. tie way engrossed in bis morning paper, and paid little attention In Ihe oilier passengers. I>lll n fresh-looking young man, who sax next to him, and who had been eyeing him all along, suddenly asked: " What .<orb of a. uese are you, anyway—a- Chinese or a. Japanese:"" The little J.up was not caught, napping, and the retort came pat: " What sort of a key are yon, anyway—a monkey. a donkey, or a Yankee?''