THE WEEK.

Star (Christchurch), Issue 9303, 1 August 1908, Page 4

THE WEEK.

A toast, with a special local application iwsb now — All together* . Eaiae your glasses! Tfrork is the cursa of th» drinking classes! :. ■■■-... ■ » •. A painting entitled " Friendless," by n local artist, is so realistic that " The nWeek" ;■ suggests a football referee %iust have posed as the model. *» Thß\sad iiewa comes from Auckland that the British (beg pardon, AngloWelsh) football team, after spending the major portion of its sojourn in New Zealand in the soup, has now been unlucky enough to fall into the water. » Wfc«ei Dr Bradshaw sat down beside Charles Saunders at His Majesty's Theatre last evening, the audience Toared and applauded vigorously. Then it was borne in upon the rioctor that comparisons are sometimes painful, and he blushed. ' .. . » Quite the most important business in Parliament last -week was a. question from. Mr Jennings. He wanted to know who provided the charwomen with, cups of tea in the House at 4 a.m. Sir Joseph Waid doesn't know, and "The Week " doesn't know, but it suggests Mr jVL'Nab. Anyway, what havo the Licensed Victuallers to Bay about this gross insult to glorious beer? An English dancing lady, who has made a sensation in Russia, rejoices in the stage name of Mdlle Napierkovska. If this style of nomenclature became general wo might look for a Morganovnki, Ma<TdvuuvsfaV sji'f flaseviskv, au^

one of which might prove tm excellent j blend. ♦ According to the " Annala of Psy- ! chical Science," " nerves may^ play an i important part in. the appreciation of musical sounds." "The Week" realised the truth of the proposition, when it had to listen to the " Messiah " on Tuesday night. There is another aspect of the earne story, &s everyone realises who shivers for two hours and a half listening to an organ recital. 4 Said the Englishman, " Well, I've been in one of our trains and the telegrapfi. poles have been like a hedgo." " I've seen the milestone© appear like tombstones/* said the Scot. "Bo jabers," said Pat, " I was one day in a train in my country and we passed a field of carrots, a field of turnips, a field of parsley, one of onions, and then a pond of water, and we were going so fast that I thought it was | broth I" __^_ It happened at a rehearsal of " The Messiah" many, many years ago, in a town thousands and thousands of miles away from Ohristchurch. The conductor introduced a well-known chorus to the choir as follows:— " 'Unto us a child is born/ you will note, ladies and . gentlemen, that 'unto us' is triplets." And then ho wondered why the unmarried ladies fainted, and all the men laughed. Tiie troubles of their Sydney brethren seem to have nwvdo our own teamway mon a trifle absent-minded. What else could account for a motorman one evening this week pulling up at a red Lamp in front of a chemist's shop xn Sydenha-m, and start clanging vigorous- | ly for the railway signalman to "let I him through." Then the conductor i came round and brought him to earth again by explaining that they were not ! at the railway-crossing. ■ -J «~^ The storm raged with uncslMS-for violence and severity, and everywhere the passengers were praying heartily for deliverance. One passenger, an American gentleman, walked up to the Captain and inquired whether all hope was lost. " There's nothing left to do but to pray." said the skipper mournfully. The Yankee person went away sorrowfully, for he had had but little experience in the supplication line. At last, as the boat was about to founder, he arrived at what he was going to say. Gazing steadfastly at the zenith he murmured : " Lord, if you want to do me a good turn it's up to you right nbwi" . <»- "The Week" met Jimmy Campbell, the Scotchman from the Merrymakers, and asked politely how the Campbell family was. " Ah !" said Jimmy, with a sigh. " I had three brothers. Two nre buried and one is in Invercargill." And he shed &, tear. — r-*- — Jimmy also has a good story about two Scots who met in hell. " Weel, mon," said the newcomer; "I didna' think, after the life I'd led that they'd send me to this fine place." "Tut, mon," said the other; "this isn't heaven \ it's t3ie other place." "Eh, mon, is it boo?" said tho newcomer; " wcel, it'a a eight better than Paisley." Jimmy wonders why people laugh at the story. He is an Aberdeen man, and says that it is probably quite true. --- ♦ Let the lady talk :— A cup of tea, A orusfc of bread, They gives to me — Bub they're in bed. At four a m I lias my innings, Don't car« a- dem For Mister Jinnings. He don't know wot This charing means; He just talks xot" And drs>rs his beans. Three hundred quid I 3 J is reward — . Talks like a kid, Lives liks a lord. And grudges U3 A cup d tea; There's no surplus For folks like we. Sweep xip 'is dust, Pick up 'is scraps, Chcke ij we must— 'E cares — perhaps 1 . ■■ ■» ; The Chicago "' Sunday-Record-Her-ald" recently printed a few partici£ lars about the Keratosaurus, an animal 70ft in length, and weighing 50 tons, which, it is alleged, has been recently by M. George Dupuy, and by a Jesuit named Lavagneux, in Northern Canada. Herewith a chunk of descriptive matter by tho Jesuit: — "It passed like a hurricane over tho frozen surface of the river, dashing into the air behind it enormous blocks of ice. All its hairy fur was covered with hoarfrost, and its terrible eyes flamed in tne twilight." It is further stated that the animal carries its head 40ft in the air, that it moves at forty miles an hour, and that three snapshots of it are in the possession of the Duke of Westminster. An expedition, it is stated, is being fitted out to take tho live animal to London. "The Week" solemnly hands the "Record-Herald" the cake, the buii, the biscuit and every other mark of esteem which it can lay grip on. All might have been well but for tho "hairy fur."