THE WEEK.

Star (Christchurch), Issue 7329, 15 February 1902, Page 4

THE WEEK.

If there is one beautiful street in Christchurch it is Antigua Street and Park Terrace. How any presumably sane body of men can for one moment contemplate spoiling this beauty spot by the totally superfluous aid utterly unnecessary introduction of heavy traffic :is one of those things that "no fellow can understand," To allow Halswell stone drays to smash up our most classic adjuncts for the sake of gaining a couple of minutes in getting to St Albans is vandalism rampant. It would be simple sacrilege. ♦-: ; Mr Justice Connolly has, of late made himself unpleasantly conspicuous by judicial displays of senile irritation. Granting that juries frequently exhibit twelve differnet specimens o? the common or garden fool, itis nevertheless undignified and unwise for his Honor to tell them so from the Bench. He should relieve his feelings in his own room by dancing on his wig, or carpeting his associate. Our Judges hold office during good behaviour, and can only bs> removed on an address passed by both Houses of ihe General Assembly, or suspended by the Governor-in-Council when Parliament is sot sitting. There is no age limit. §«*>- pose thi3 irascible luminary should take xo shying inkpots at the twelve intelligent men in the box, who are supposed to hold the scales "between our suffering Lord the King and the prisoner at the bar?" — * " / •■■- The Marquis Ito has for some time been known as one of the " brainiest of modern statesmen." The Anglo-Jap, alliance is a tremendous score for the wonderful; little brown men. Let Bruin- yap And squirm and snap, And try to claw ■ Tho 'Chinese map. The slim old chap Won't care to scrap With England, plus The plucky Jap. _— : +- Another old Maori skeleton found in the sandhills this week. The first inquest (on | part of the jawbone) will probably be held ! soon. Judiciously iised,. v that skeleton I ought to provide our poor but honest coroners with at least six guineas. Besides, we shall be quite certain that the 'poor beggar was 'Eofc tomahawked "against the form of the Act," etc., etc. . . y _*^_I_"' ■■■.:■:•'...•'■' If we come to terms with the British Electric Traction Company about our trams cannot we also get the rest 6f our municipal affairs taken over by some ether up-to-date concern? At present our municipal progress is exactly like our. trams — noisy, antiquated,, pumbrous, expensive and inefficient—with long stoppages every few yards. Let us turn everything requiring brains and energy over to some outside syndicate. Our municipal dignitaries could still play at holding meetings, and talk to their heaH's content. — ♦ ; •■ , ■ " Already the first mutterings of the coming storm of Pump v. Bung are in the air. Already champions on both sides are- girding up their loins. Soon, the iron will enter iato our soul and we shall be stunned and deafened by raucous cry and counter cry. Verily " a plague on ;, both your •houses." ■ «> . - * Lasb night <zi &gifi a long debate a "Star" man eiwuncea -to get, . ' By itTne JluSeum te-sid'ems in solemn conclave. met. ■ "Wiii iisge- they'd lieard !&& fed absurd to sooil their quiet. street By tffone-diray quakes erad iTadticm shakes — so ito protest did mesti. The Elephant who took 'L'ho chair (and nearly •sqniaikiel i& fist) ' : Remarked Qic -was noS "on th© jaw" (Whaifce'er 'he iniE&Ti'b by ■thiait!) Bui that he could kaop order, and would lay 'his bottom bob If "anybody wanted' slouch, thai!) !hs was on "tlhe job/ -•■.""■ The Moa moved thai sihould the Council urge liihis outage — we 11, They should bo kicked lo ©unmyside'3 most .; darksome dungeon cell. His anco£(.'or3, lie £&id, <hacl crowed th>& river •on foh&io: legs, ■ . • •And evaa gave :iihe OoimcSl .points at laying . adtdjcd eggs. "As « Yexy Early Settler iho was going to remaa'k " — But here a waiddy laid him ouii from eoane^ where in Whe dark, , iAnd '4was noticed 1 , by sudh very sferim.?e*)ii closure >fo iproaesci — And •{© use sitct (Early 'SobfcleK — saved a. lot ©£ IJims indeed-. Tihe I/ion and too Tigor ■ J uJH>ugh'l> -tihi® sorb cd thing was rot, They " should -waii!) uo-ovi trie Council end ddgcis!b the lifctla kb; Bui .they (paused ere -executing lihis carnivorous talent, lAnd decided not 'tfo 'try such delicacies duTLng Lcat. Then J Jhe -bones of old Traducer raised a point lilhat 'h& tad nursed : " Somio icol in ■Wellini^ion bad! said liihait TEDEY fli-ad got the first"— . Bu'J they efnoved on. a g'sg-'anaffle, saying long ere sic :had dono, Tsicra wEie iodis onoug'h in Gkristchurcih withou'b i'roublmg "Wellingrlwai. At las-b ; t3iey got grcia'fc Poiseus, with Mdlueio-'-s licad alcne To ■ interview tithe 'Council and toansform tiidr 'brains :lo sionc; Bui when ilio waxrioff xotumed to say what lio ihad dene, T&cy -found ho coukl 1 ndj <fcurn •I'.Hicir brains — BECAUSOB THEY HAD GOT XCCtfE, + ■ Mr Jellicoc's idea of 'a legal dispensary where law can be ladled out- after the manner of a soup-kitchen may possibly catch on. Probably the wily Jellicoe wants, to tickle the palates of Wellington voters before , next election. If so, why does'nt he add cheap medicine? Or, to bs consistent, why not advocate the abolition of all Government fees and expenses connected with justice. Lawyers' charges are only a small part after all. Seene — Legal dispensary. Jellicoo outside (with trumpet) : " Roll up ladies and! genl.?, roll up ! Drunks defended, deeds drawn or divorces doctored all free gratis for nothing! Now; what can I do for you my little dear?" Buxom damsel (oblivious of the proverb that beggars must not be choosers) : " I want a lawyer, and I've come early to get my pick. Trot 'em out !" Jellicoe : " There they are my little dear. You pays no money and you takes your choice !" Enter a mob of good-looking Christchurch solicitors . (N.B. — All Christchurch solicitors are good-looking). They smirk and blush, and put their fingers in their little mouths. No. 1 (laying hand on heart: "Madam, I am of at least fifteen years' experience, what can I have the pleasure—" Buxom damsel : " Not much, eld boy ! I want that pretty boy in the corner there." A blushing solicitor is carried out fainting. (Curtain.) 4 The Mayor of New Brighton on Thursday evening said that the city was the centre round which the smaller bodies revolve. If this be so, some of their orbits are terribly eccentric, for they are always flying off at a tangent. If the solar system were run on similar lines things would get a bit tangled. But possibly Mr MTntyre spoke literally, regarding the corporeal presence of their Worships. The question is, when was that speech uttered? Was it after dinner, and if so, how long after? We know thai under any circumstances our own Mayor would make a steady and reliable centre,

but we are indeed sorry to hear of the other dignitaries . revolv-(hic)revolving around him. i