FUN AND FANCY.

Star (Christchurch), Issue 5686, 3 October 1896, Page 4

FUN AND FANCY.

A singular being. — A> bachelor. How to get at the root of a thing. — Dig. What is it we all frequently say we will do, and no one has ever yet done P— Stop a minute. "Oh, I sy! wot's Orange Free State mean, Billy ? " " Why, where yer gets yer oranges for nuffin, stoopid ! " " Does Jorkins always carry a life-pre-server ?" " Always." "In the shape of an air cushion ?" " No. In the shape of a flask." "My pa's an Oddfellow," boasted a Kttla boy. "My pa's a Freemason," replied another, "an' that's higher, for the hod fellows wait on the masons !" The reason talk is always cheap. Declares a cynic neighbour, Is 'cause the major pnrt of it Is done by'female labour. " Goodness, Maria ! Was that phonograph open during a cat fight?" "No. I turned it on last night when you were sleeping. Perhaps you will believe now that you snore." Policeman (to group of small boys) : " Come now, move on. There's nothing the matter here." Sarcastic Boy. "Of course there ain't. If there was you wouldn't- be here." Dashaway : " Jagway has just invented a new cocktail. I saw him yesterday, and I guess if s going to be a success." Cleverton : " What did he say about it P" Dashaway : " He couldn't talk." " Only one thing makes a woman madder than to have her husband stay down town to lunch when he said that he was coming home." "And what is that?" "It is to have him come home to lunch when he said he was going to stay down, . town." " ■ ; Tj The Town Councillors in a certain burg h \ had long and oft discussed the pbjectioi iable state of one of the streets within their jurisdiction, and at length resolved to t&y an experiment. What that experiment was is indicated by a declaration made a few days later by a gentleman who, in proposing the toast of " The Mayor and Corporation/ and eulogising their collective wisdom and' their ability to get over difficulties, said that they " laid their heads together and made the wood pavement.'' It was a very hot day, and when Mr Dunningan happened to meet his daughter with her friend he invited them to have some ice cream, an invitation which was accepted. When they were seated at the table, Mr Dunningan, addressing his daughter's friend, inquired, "An* phot koind w^ll yez have, me dear?" "I will take some orange ice," she replied. Mr Dunningan's brow darkened, and, glaring at the young lady, he thundered, w Av yez do, yell arder it yersilf ." A negro about to purchase a fish visited a shop where several were exposed for sale ; but suspecting that one, which he intended to buy, was not altogether as fresh. as he could wish, ho presumed either to dissipate or confirm his suspicions by applying it to his nose. The fishmonger, conscious that it would not bear examination,, and fearing that other customers might catch the scent, exclaimed in a surly tone,' " How dare you smell my fish !" "Me no smell, me only talking to him, massa." "And what were you talking about?" "Me ask him, massa, what de best news at sea." " And what reply did he make you ?' " Oh, massa, he say he know no news, as he have not been dere dese dree week."