LITERATURE.

Star (Christchurch), Issue 7270, 16 September 1891, Page 1

LITERATURE.

FIVE HUNDRED POUNDS.

Five hundred pounds! And I have exactly two shillings and threepence-half-penny in my pooket. Ha !ha ! ha ! My God ! What a horrible laugh ; my own voice eeeniß to mock me, Five hundred pounds by eleven o'clock to-morrow morning, and only two shillings to pay it with. •Thank God those two men have gone. If they 'had stayed much longer I should have strangled the life out of their d caroases. If only their cabby would upset them and break their cursed necks. I wonder whether they saw how my hand trembled as I mixed their brandies-and-eodas, and when I lighted that dark, bloated blackguard's cigar for him— one of my cigars, too, for I can still get credit at my tobacooniat's, mirabile dictu ! Happy thought, perhaps he would lend me a bit. No, it would bo rather infra dig. to be under obligations to a man who sells me bird's-eye at fourpcnce-halfpency an ounce.

Yes, they were right when they said the money had been owing for the best part of a year. My God ! Tee ; and what a year lor me, too. Thinking, thinking, and always thinking of that night after the Two Thousand.

Why did I touch those cursed cards P Why didn't I stop after I had lost all my ready-money P I knew I was being swindled, too, but I couldn't Btop, I couldn't stop. And now the crash, the inevitable crash has come. My thoughts, my dreams are realities, and all I can say .da, " What a fool I have been." I wonder if many men are as miserable as lam now —now that all hope is gone — all chance of ■ealvation has vanished. Ob, God ! can you, will you not help me P No, I feel that you will not, for this is my punishment for my folly, my atonement for my sin. And yet how I have suffered. AH day long, week after week, month after month, thinkingthinking—thinking. And all the time I have had tokeop a Bmiling face, to talk to laugh, and, hardest task of all, to listen with apparent interest to the vapid chattering of empty-headed Booiety. The refrain of .every dreamy, rippling valse has seemed to me to be only " Five hundred pounds ! five hundred pounds !" Once only have I been able to ßtiflo this d——— retrain, and that was when dancing a galop at our Hunt Ball with dear little Rosie. What a glorious dance that was ! How we seemed .to fly over the floor. Everything was fori gotten in those few short minutes. My blood boiled, my heart beat, my feet flew like the wind, and I was happy — thank ■God for that — I was happy. But af tor the wild delirium of the dance was over, I could have sobbed like a child.

Once again, also, I forgot my troubles for a few hours, but I feel ashamed of the cause. It was my friend Jack's idea, and it was that we should give a supper to a few aotresses of hiß acquaintance at his rooms. I remember the day well, for being short of ready money, I panned my watch for a fiver in the morning. There were eight of us in it— four men and four ladies. They were a cheery party, and I remember how during the firßt part of cupper they all abused me for being so silent and reserved, calling me a wet blanket, a kill-joy, and employing other equally complimentary epithets. Of course I wa3 thinking of that cursed money, but they apparently thought my depression arose from some disappointment in love. Bah ! as if blighted affection could ever compare with pecuniary troubles. It is money— or rather the want of it— which ruinß our health, happineßß, and our very liveß. It is the want of money which plants the wrinkles on our foreheads. It is the want of money which 811 b our police Courts, and is the cauße of nearly all the misery in the world. Money, money, money, how I loathe the word. But, however great our troubles may bo, it acnoys a man to be acoused of being dull and depressing—particularly when the accuser is a pretty little woman. I didn't tell them that their conversation irritated me. I determined to make an effort to throw off my lethargic misery. And I did ! To effect this it was necessary for me to drink. Glass after glass of champagne vanished down my throat, bottle after bottle was opened, and still I called for more. My troubles vanished, I saw life through another pair of spectacles; I joked, laughed, sang, and surpassed everyone in brillianoy of conversation. We made the room ring again, and, in fact, kicked up the devil's own row. What a night that was ! It was about three in the morning, I believe, when 1 staggered to the window and threw it opes. On the other Bide of the road I saw a policeman standing and looking up at the house. Instantly I snatched a roll of bread from the table and advanced again to the window. My friend Jack, seeing my intention, shouted out, " You don't pick him off for a flyer 1" " Don't," I yelled, and I throw the roll at the policeman. If I had been sober I should have missed him. I feel cure, but by some curious chanoa I caught him bang on the helmet. I have a confused idea of the policeman ringing the bell, and creating a great disturbance, and I heard afterwards that I gave him a sovereign to go away. After that all was chaoß, and I woke up in the morning with a frightful head, and feeling more miserable than ever. So much for drowning our sorrows in wine.

Five hundred pounds ! No, I can't ask the dear old guvnor for it. God knows I have cost him enough already. Dear old Jack would let mo have it I know, only for the best cf all reasons it would be useless to ask him. All my good pals are pretty well Btonoy. By eleven o'clock to morrow ! Oh ! God ! it is impossible. And if I don't pay it, what then ? I shall he exposed aa a dishonourable man, one who refuses to pay his debts of honour. Refuses ? Heaven knows i would pay if I could. But that won'c count in my favour. I Bhall be dfclassti, a card-Bharper, a weteher, a defaulter. Oh ! for a little time. But that is impossible, they are here, waiting in the best hotel in the place for me, for my monoy, for five hundred pounds. I am euffocating here — I will go out — a little brandy lirst, though. God ! how my hand shakes. How it rains. Oh! that there might be another flood, and that the cool water would wash me away ! No ; I wo&'t take an umbrella ; my brain's on fire, and the rain may do it good. What does thiß -woman want? You're starving, are you ? Well, here's a shilling for you. "God bless you!" she said. Not much chance of that, I'm afraid. One shilling and threepence halfpenny is all I have in the world now. lam poorer than when I came out. Why did I come out? God knows. How happy that little errand-boy looks, curse him. It reminds me of the time when I was a little kid at aohool, how the day before the term began, I used to loug to change places with the street arabs so that I need not go back to the tender mercies of the masters and the bullies. Ah ! we never know when we are happy. By eleven o'olook to-morrow ! D— -— ! why can't I think of something elseP Good God! There are those two thieves in a cab. They see me, and have told the driver to stop. Will I couie and dine with you, and go to the theatre afterwards ? No, see you d— — firat. They drive away laughing. Oh! God! my head! my head! Ah! here is a chemist's, perhaps he can give me something to stop thiß pain. A grand idea. I will got some laudanum. # * * I have got it, though after somo trouble. Fortunately, the chap knew me, and when I told him it was fcr a racking toothache, ho was quifco sorry for me, and said I looked very pulled down by it. >Eh? What? Bay a box of matches?

No. Boy looked quite frightened. Ha! Ha! * * * Five hundred pounds! Great God, I shall go mad !

Home again once more, soaked to the skin. Where's the brandy? Steady, my boy, steady ; your hand shakes like a leaf. Neat this time. * * * Ah! that's better, brandy gives one courage. Now then for the laudanum. Brandy and laudanum are a better soporific than brandy and soda. Ah ! there's my pistol. That'll be quicker and surer. God ! bow cold it is. Good cure for a headaohe I expect. Ha ! ha ! No, I can't do it, I can't do it. lam too much of a coward. Where's my arm-chair? Ah! hare we are. Five hundred pounds by eleven o'clook to-morrow ! The laudanum, quick! * * *Ah! • * * Yes } I have been a pigeon during the twenty-two years of my life, now I am a hawk. * * * Death settles all bets. * * * Guvnor won't have to pay. * * * Done them on the post. * * * God forgive me. * * * Good-bye father. • * * God * * * bless * * * you. * * * So * * • tired. • « • Good * * night * * * Eosie * * * darling. * * * Peace * * * perfect * * * peace. * * *