A NEW YEARS-DAY IN A HONEYMOON.

Star (Christchurch), Issue 655, 29 June 1870, Page 3

A NEW YEARS-DAY IN A HONEYMOON.

♦ [Conclusion.] " Come on, old chap 1" said one or two of the roystering spirits of Tipley to Mr Julep, as he was jogging homewards from the parsonage, having been detained there till six o'clock. " Come, you can't refuse standing something on the last day of the old year." Julep murmured unintelligibly about his wife expecting him, but his friends soon overruled the objection, and led him into the tap-room of the Black Lion. Julep and Black Lions generally were old friends, and once within the charmed precincts, time flew along, and still the bridegroom took no step homeward— hour after "hour till eleven o'clock drew near. "He must not go now," his friends insisted —now when the " best of it "was at hand; so he stayed on. The supper, the punch — and something like punch it was. Then the songs— harmony ! jollity ! for nothing, too— didn't cost a permy — no, not a penny. Out rang the bells. " Hurrah I" shouted the merry men of Tipley ; " and give them three times three;" and so they did. And when the bells ceased, and the front of the New Year showed itself, cold and placid, the uproarious song that Mrs Julep had heard burst out, and her new-wed husband, led by his friends, passed on till near the Baptist chapel of Tipley. " The old fellow is too far gone for us to take him home; and his honeymoon not over. The old fool ! it will cool him to leave him here." And his conductors, far from sober, located Julep in the garden surrounding the Baptist chapel. "It's cold for the old one, though," suggested one. "Here's a low window, let's see if it will open " It was quickly raised. "Clap him through it; he can say his prayers till daylight." No sooner thought of than done; the insensible Julep was tilted head foremost through the opened window into the chapel. The window was re-closed, and his friends separated. Julep, in a degree sobered by the fall, but not sufficiently to know his whereabouts, stumbled heedlessly forward. Souse, plash ! a sensation of breathlessness, of cold, of wet, one after another made themselves sensible. " What did it all mean ? Where was he ?" Where — in the tank used for baptisms, left open after, the rite which had recently been performed there. The cold bath sobered him just enough to awake the fear of drowning He cried out, he struggled, and at last succeeded in scrambling out of the tank ; but how to get out of the chapel ? He strayed blindly forward, soaked to the skin, and entered a kind of vestry; the moon now was shining, its light resting on a bottle of sherry. Julep was shivering to his bones — he hailed the sherry as a friend, he clung to it with the tenacity of a limpet, he drained the bottle with the infatuation of a drunkard — he was no longer cold— he was also no longer sober; he stretched himself on the floor, and he slept. Morning came, but he did not waken ; it proceeded— 4he man who had charge of the chapel came to cover up the tank. He was a stranger to the place and to Julep. He fetched a policeman — who, too, happened to be a new arrival in Tipley. Julep was roused ; but as neither the chapelkeeper nor policeman could get anything out of him, he was carried to the magistrate, whose gout confined him to his back parlour. On his way there, Julep, miserable from the combined effects of punch, cold bathing, and' sherry, thought of his bride ; with thoughts of her came an aguish sensation of dread. She would hear of his compulsory visit to the magistrate, and if she did, so certainly would he. No, she should not hear of it; he would prevent it— he would spare her one pang at least. The chapel-keeper did not know him. The policeman did not. The magistrate could not see an inch beyond bis nose. It was, besides, a dark morning ; he had a bright idea in his head ; he would carry it out. He had obstinately refused his name both to the chapel-keeper and policeman. He professed to them his ignorance (and here he spoke truth) of how or why he had entered the chapel. These preliminaries suggested to and enabled him to carry out his resolve. Brought before the magistrate, who suffering from gout, received bim in the back parlour, after hearing the policeman's charge, the first question proposed was :— " What is your name, sir ? " •* John Josephs." Julep had taken the step he had decided on. " What business had you in the chapel, sir ?" I nevtr went there, your worship; I'm sure." Never went there ? Why, you were found there." " That's true, your worship." "Then what do you meau " — (" Gracious heavens J " to his gout) — " by saying you never went there ? Now look here, my man, I can make some allowance for a man as old as you seem to be ; but— you were found fast asleep »" " Was I fast asleep ? " " Don't interrupt, or I shall commit you for contempt of court. You were found fast asleep in a chapel, and you say you are John Josephs, and that you never went to the place, and did not get in at all ; I ask you how lam to believe you ? " Julep did not answer. "Then the second count is — you stole a bottle of Bberry — in fact, drank it." I never stole in my life, and I'll swear I never stole a bottle of sherry," said tke old man. " Now take care what you are about " — " Oh, this infernal gout I ") "you've told me one lie already; John Josephs is at this moment putting a sashline to my study window." Julep collapsed visibly. "Now, sir, what is your name ? " And the unhappy bridegroom quivered out, "Joseph Julep." "And how came you, Joseph Julep, to be in the Baptist chapel asleep, this morning ? " " Please, your worship, I have no recollection." "No recollection ! then how can you say "— •(" Good heavens, what a twinge 1 ")— you never went there ? " " Because I never did, your worship.' "The fellow's a fool, ox drunk. What are you ? " A gardener, please your worship." " Whose gardener ? " A gentle man's gardener, your worship." " You're a pretty fellow for a gentleman's gardener."

(" I can't stand this ! " to his gout.) Then to the policeman : "He must be remanded for a week ; we must look well into this affair." Julep heard, and with forlorn look commenced a rambling statement about " Black Lions " and punch, in the midst of which a knock at the door announced a new comer. It was .the Reverend James Webb, and with him the " friends "of Julep. The matter was explained to the satisfaction of the magistrate, ratified upon the oath of 5 Julep's "friends." The prisoner was released. But it is rumoured that, ever since that New Years-day, Mrß Julep has held the whip-hand over her old man, and that he has avoided " Lions " dens, and cold bathing in general.