"Varieties.

Star (Christchurch), Issue 265, 19 March 1869, Page 3

"Varieties.

§|£Why have the United States Congress impeached President Johnson ? Perhaps because they think of making him President again, and don't want to elect an untried man.

Sir Boyle Roche once said, in reference to several persons, all relations to each other, but who happened to have no descendants, that, "it seemed to be hereditary in their family to have no children."

A lady of a somewhat dignified demeanour, haviug lost her way, said to an urchin in the street, *• Boy, I want to get to Dover street, Piccadilly." " Well, mann," replied the boy, coolly walking on, " why don't you go there then ?"

A little girl, after returning from church, where she saw a collection for the first time, related what took place, and among other things she said, with all her childish innocence, " a man passed around a plate that had some money on it, but I didn't take any."

A gentleman having got out of all patience with one of his servants, called him in, and after giving him a sound scolding, wound up with the stereotyped j.hrase, ■• We muat part." The servant stood scratching his head for a moment, and then said, with a look of much concern, " Sorry am I that we must part, your honour ; but if we must, may I make so bold as to ask where your honour's going ?" The audacious fellow got another trial.

They who have made out the relation of Dick to Tom from the premise that Dick's father was Tom's son, may apply themselves to the solution of the following problem: — : An abbess found tbat an old nun was visited suspiciously often by a young man, and so she demanded who the gentleman was. Saith the nun, " A very near relation ; his mother was my mother's only child." This answer set the abbess pondering; but she came to the conclusion at last that the youth was ft permissible visitor. But why ?

*\« How do you do, Mrs Tome ; have you heard that story about Mrs Ludy ? " " Whyno, really, Mrs Blob ; what is it ? Do tell " "Oh, I promised not to tell for the world. I'm afraid it'll get out." « Why, I'll never tell it as long as I live, just as true- as the world— what is it ? Come, tell." " Well if you believe me, Mrs Fundy told me, last night, that Mrs Trott told her that her sister'g husband was told by a daughter of Mrs Nicolas, that she heard Mrs Gab tell Naomi Bute that the milliner told her that bustles were out of fashion 1 "