TITLES IN THE AIR.

Observer, Volume XXIX, Issue 41, 26 June 1909, Page 23

TITLES IN THE AIR.

t SOriE SUGGESTED TITLES FOR OUR LOCAL ARISTOCRACY OF INTELLECT AND OTHER THINGS.

r Now, rumour with a thousand t tongues , Proclaims — 'tis p'raps mistook — - J That Joseph will come back to us, A baronet or duke. r Should titles now be flying round, | 'Tis really very clear I That folk deserving of such things i We've got in plenty here. Our intellectual readers are • A most superior kind. Go, seek the world ; a better lot You really couldn't find. In this, as in all other things, New Zealand leads the way ; l And Auckland leads New Zealand, as She's done for many a day. Tho' Gilbert is a clever man, And Sullivan also, You really find the two combined • In tuneful dear Clive Lowe. • And so a title should be his, An Earldom — nothing less — He quite deserves a handle to • His name, you must confess. I Our Poet Laureate is known 3 As Mr Vassal Cox, With countenance, so classical/ And hyacinthine locks. '- Since Tennyson was made a Lord, 'Tis plain as pigs are blue, That Vassal should, without delay, Get such a title, too. Of someone else who's now at Home, 'Tie surely safe to bet That he'll come back with altered name — I speak of Henry Brett. A belted Earl he ought to be, And then the subtle "Star" "Would do a joyful haka, and Feel joy particular. And what about our T. Harle Giles, , Conciliation's boss ? I A title surely is his due ('Twould make Tom Long feel cross) . But Harley's bold, majestic mien Would suit a title well, With whiskers flying in the wind He is a heavy swell. " Sir Thomas Gresham" sounds quite nice — And so he ought to be Presented with the title of A proud K.C.M.G. That change the Lib. -Labs, would acclaim As only just and right. Let Edward Rex most speedily Make Thomas G-. a Knight. Another Lib. -Lab. known to fame By many a fine oration Is P. J. Nerheny, fit to guide The fate of any nation. The work he's done on our. behalf We praise with one accord. All must admit that Patrick should Be made a noble Lord.

There's Charley Grey—why leave him out ? . A title is his due, Tho' Walter Grey, 'tis possible. Would seek a title, too. They've got Earl Grey at Home, you know, And therefore it is clear That, since they have got one at Home, We ought to have one here. And Colonel Patterson's a man Of military note. That he should be ennobled would Be quite the public vote. And why this wasn't done before Is really very rum. , . Instead of Colonel Patterson He ought to be Lord Gum. George George, of course, without a doubt, His head will proudly rear, Because he'll be Lransmogrified Into a mighty Peer. Tho' C. J. Parr might jealous be And slightly captious get, James might be made, to keep him quiet, Sir James — a baronet. Please don't forget Ted Mitchelson, Of Harbour Board the chief. A title probably would bring To him a great relief. His efforts in the public good Should surely bring reward. Oh, Bradney would be happy if Our Ted was made a Lord. Our Adolph Kohn deserves to have A handle to his name ; For as a great philanthropist " Full well he's known to fame. Sir Adolph Kohn sounds right well — And yet. we would be pleadin* For him still more exalted rank : Lord Barney of Mount Eden. Sam Hanna, who's a fisher bold, And tells us stories toughs Should get a title ; for, if not, 'Twould be extremely rough. Lord Hapuka would fill the bill ; But for a name more dapper, With due respect we would suggest The title of Lord Schnapper.. Our Albert Edward is a boy Of true patrician style. An island chief of high estate, And most entrancing smile. 3 Tis therefore only right and just That he should quickly hook a Title something in this style : "Lord Albert of Levuka." Why not Rees George ? — His lordly hat Would suit a title fine. To see His Lordship walk the block Would simply be divine. Lord George de Whiskers — that's the name To suit him to a T. From his appearance it is plain A Duke he ought to be . John Fuller is a potentate, And this is Fuller's earth. And so a title, all admit This Fuller's fully worth. • Se> let him get it speedily— - A fitting, one, I ween, And one that's really most correct Would be Lord Geraldine. Oh, many other men we've got Full worthy of attention. Alas I I haven't got the space Their many names to- mention. For Auckland's full of mighty 'men Their many talents blending. But if we started on the list,' It would 'be never-ending.