I SOMETIMES THINK.

Observer, Volume 9, Issue 533, 9 March 1889, Page 9

I SOMETIMES THINK.

I sometimes think when I behold A pious bigot raving That Je?us saves a lot of souls '.that are not worth the saving— I oft times think (altho' no douot God nothing can arrange ill) That W. E. Gladstone's bound to m-t-ke A shabby-looking 1 angel. 1 sometimes think, although, of course, Ifc is a wicked rudeness, That piety is nothing but A cheaper sort of goodness ; That grace is not the kind of stnif To feed ;i hungry sinner, And people often give a prayer When they should give a dinner. j. sometimes think — oh, saintly I'oik.-, forgive me if you can — That he may be a. perfect saint Who is not half a man ; That ii' religion moans good i1e::-.;r, IVo honest man would dur.,>i, it ; If less, it means that honest men Can get along without it. I sometimes think, and dare [ .say, In bpite of pious drivel, That when man tends ilia priest away He'll shake hands with fciie devil. If men would think instead of dream, And work instead of ixefc Hell -would cool for want of iuel Ana Heaven would be to lea. I sometimes think that aftov ali, God, if His name be hallo >veO. Will judge us by our deeds, not by The dogmas wo have swallowed '. Then he alone is truly .coed, Though fool and priest may doubt ii. Who lives a ir-iei'iil, hones:, Hie, And holiib his tonuuc abnut it. Clais. — The English governess has a fur worse time of it than either the home or colonial ' slavey.' Indeed, our domestic helps would never put up with the treatment, that many a bright, refined, and highly-educated girl, forced by "dire necessity to become a governess, has to endure at Home. A governess m England holds a most anomalous position in her employer's household. She receives less pay, as a rule, than the cook, and rets far more snubbing; indeed, some people treat their unhappy governesses like dogs. Head the following clipping 1 from an English paper : ' The Haigh family, who live at Grainsby Hall, are certainly " iadics of thc^first water," if the story told by a governess, one Miss Thomas, at. the Grimsby County-court, bo true. The three daughters of Mrs Haigh are promising 1 members of society, truly, and have a way of treating those they think beneath them worthy of the denizens of tho backwoods of Whiteohapoi. 1 The " young ladies " tried to suffocate the poor governess with sulphur in her bedroom ; and, failing in this, they threw cold water on hexwhile she was in bed. A sensible jury gave Miss Thomas a verdict of .£5O as compensation, to show their opinion of the scandalous conduct of Mrs Haigh and her daughters, who may possibly, by this time, have found out that their manners are not intended for nineteenth-century Modern Society.' — He had just coins back froai the office, and failing to see his wife about he yelled : ' Are you upstairs Nelly ?' ' Misses went out this morning 1 , sir,' said a servant coming up from the regions below, ' and she hasn't retnrned since.' ' Gracious heavens '.' he exclaimed to himself, { she can't have run away and left me. I have given her no cause.' _ # } ' She went down town to match a ribbon, sir, added the servant. ' Ah !' he nrarmured to himself, immensely relieved. ' Gone shopping. It's all right. She'll return after all the shops are closed,' and with a serene brow he sat down to look over the evening paper. j —Something to be Thankful For.— ' Have you done anything for me ?' asked the condemned man, in pitiful tones, as his lawyer entered the cell. ' Yes, indeed,' said the legal gentleman, gleefully. ' Oh, what is it,' demanded the murderer, a pardon ?' k No.' ' A commutation, of sentence ?' ' No.' * Then in mercy's name, what ?' ' I have succeeded,' said the lawyer, ' in having the day of your execution changed from Friday to Monday. Friday is an unlucky day, you know.' — Sporting Item. First amateur JSinirod— ' It is getting late, and we haven't killed anvthiug yet.' Second amateur Mmrod— ' Well, let, us miss a couple more rabbits and then go home.'

A— Soft Job for the Angel. — Little Tommy, who has a bald uncle,was very much interested when his mothe2' told him the other day that the hairs oil his head were all numbered. 'Is that so with everybody?' asked he. ' Yes,' said his mother. ' '■'•'hat is what the Bible says.' Tommy pondered for a minute in silence. ' Well,' said he, finally, ' if the Bible says so, it must be so, but I'll bet the angel who does the counting- feels mighty glad when he comes to a man with a head like Uncle Jim's.' " ■ '0 ' ' '