MIXED PICKLES

Observer, Volume 9, Issue 533, 9 March 1889, Page 9

MIXED PICKLES

Items suitable for insertion under this head are invited from readers in town or coun try. All offerings must be authenticated by the real name and address of the writer and should reach us not later than 9 a.m. on Tuesday. —' Coming events cast their shadows before!'—Already ' Lord Onslow's Hat'— a white tile—lias made its appearance in an Auckland clothier's shop window. A stylish, dashing- smart cliapeau — Too/ast for one whose name's On-doic '. o — An amusing little scene took place within a stone's throw of the Ponsonby wharf the other afternoon. Two young- 'adies returned from a boating excursion, found the tide far out, and a long stretch of oozy black mud separating 1 them from the homeward path. What was to be done ? The girls sat in their boat for live minutes and thought it over. At last the bigger and stronger of the two rolled up her skirts as high as the knee, and fastening- them with a bit of string, got out of the boat, her little white feet contrasting queerly with the black mud of the beach. 'Now, dear,' she said to her companion 'you must not think of walking- over this mud. You get on my back, and I will carry you up.' The younger girl made some demur, but her objections were over-ruled by her friend, and she was pretty soon mounted and en roirfe for terra firma. But the ludicrousness of the adventure unfortunately struck the rider with such an irresistible force that she commenced to laugh. The other girl, who was picking her way with great care, begged her to be qniet, but the more she begged, the inoie her little friend lau-rhed ; at last the carrier began to laugh, just a little at first, then louder, then both girls roared in concert. The rider can hardly keep her scat; the carrier lureliec. from side to side, then forward, then backward — and the two girls are lying on vheir bricks in the soft, moitt mud, very nearly in hysterics. When they got up they presented a dreadful appearance. Their thin summer dresses were plastered w.'th mud, and their hats were irretrievably ruined. Fortunately there was nobody about, and they crept home 'in the gloaming ' by the by wuys, giving the highways a wide berth. — Name for the capital of the Northern Wairoa (Kevised Version). — Hadesville. — A counter-jurnpei in this city, v/ho was recently fortunate enough to secure a billet in^ a large wholesale soft-goeds house, has, since he took office, lost no opportunity of making himself obnoxious to those who have tlia misfortune to be under him. Having curried favour with the j heads of the firm by much church-going 1 and : psalm-singing, this astute individual whipped out ! the pruning knife, and uttering a stentorian " roar for retrenchment ' which echoed all over the building, went for the ' screws ' of all hands, or rather of all those over whom he is placed in authority, and juniors and seniors, old and young and middle-aged, have had to submit to be ' docked ' by this new broom who sweeps so particularly clean. Of course the reductions < meant a saving to the firm, but the hands chiefly concerned are naturally indignant at this nobody being brought in and placed over them, with unlimited power to carry out any alterations he may think fit. The man's motive in acting as he has done is so very apparent that he does not deceive even the youngest office boy in the establishment. He laid himself out from the first to ingratiate himself with ' the firm,' und thanks to his psalm-singing .bounce, and reduction of screws, he has gained his point. The ' bosses ' regard hira with favour. The hands hate him. How can things work smoothly and well in the establishment under such circumstances ? — Epitaph on a guv smith who has received the inevitable summons—' Gone ofi' !' — Tie Spit (Napier) Inhospitable and T7ucharitable Aid .Board would appear to be cut after the pattern oi: the Auckland institution. A correspondent of the Napier Nev:s telis_ how the father of a family went to apply for relief to the official representing the ' Board. The applicant has been, it seems, out of work for six month?, and cannot get anything to do. He applied, not for food or money, but for aid in getting employment. Mark the reply of the tender-hearted instector, relieving officer, or whatever he himself : 'Go and pawn yer furniture an' yer clothes.' The applicant replied that his ' furniture ' consisted of a couch worth 4s and a table worth Is, also a bed, and as he knew his wife must die before long he objected to part with his few thing 3. Such is the substance of J.W.S.'s letter, and, if it is true, the Board's attention ought to be drawn to the conduct of their officer. These relieving officers have far too much pewer in rheir hands, and want taking down a great many pegs. This Spit case should be inquired into. O —The Burgesses of the North Shore take a very different view of the road encroachment question now. O — Eeflection after the fireworks. — Come, Mr Illingworth, Give a good shillingworth — Pleasure sans Pain ; Don't mind the Admiral With all his fal-de-ral, Do it again ! . Q- . —The Bising Generation : — ' Papa, won't you please go out of the room for a little while ?' ' What for, Molly ?' 'Well, Jenmo and I want to talk about something ibat is not proper lor men to hear.' — American epitaph : ' Mary AimJies here at rest, With hei-]^*tfeo2i Akr-ibum's breast ; Tt's very D ioe for Mary Ana, But rather rough on Abraham.'

l ßhjthe and merry were they all' at the Savage Club on Monday evening- last. — Some weeks ago there was a public rejoicing at Hamilton. Someone caino of age, or was born or died, or got married, or something, and the local band received instructions to come out aad make giad the hearts of the people with music. And the band rolled up and wrestled with ' Vi flute Wings ' and ' Only a Jfansy Blossom,' and Ivule Uritaimia;' and ' God Save the Queen,' and Ihe Marseillaise,' and ' The Watch On The Bhme and ' Pop Goes the Weasel/ and between each selection the band was invited to drink and be merry. And they drank so much, and became so merry, that the people held their fingers in their ears and hissed. And then the drummer put down Lis drum, and in attempting to drink ijesh one mere' fell slap into the instrument and so went to sleep ; and then the man with the big brass boa constrictor coiled round his body got so tangled tip in its tubes that he v/as quite unable to extricate himself from his uncomfortable position, and threw himself down, instrument and all, by the side of the drummer and ' they slept the sleep of the just ' together, anc" then the remaining members of the band staggered home and went to bed, and when the band next met for rehearsal, what a melancholy state of things was there ! Half the instruments were bunged up or otherwise damaged, and the drum and the big brass boa constrictor arrangement were hopeless wrecks. And now the members of the Hamilton Uand have turned blue— Blue Templars—and :ive never going to have another burst — at any r:vfcc init'.l the next public rejoicing takes places. Bo on loi evil good has come. o