'ARRY'S CONVERSION.

Observer, Volume 6, Issue 155, 1 September 1883, Page 11

'ARRY'S CONVERSION.

Dbab Cha-BIiEY — Just run up to town, lad, and put in a week on the spree, It's the jaminiest lark we'll be 'avis' as ever we 'ad, jou and me j It's along of the Salvation harmy what's come for to preach and to pray, Which they've taken the Temperance Hall, and ain't it as good as a play. Me talk about preachin' and prayin' — ah ! there now — I thought yer'd look glum. Yah ! 'ang it all, Charley, I think yer might know this card better, ole chum : " Too thin !" do yer say ? not a bit on't ; don't see where the laughter comes in ? 0 don't yer ? well all I can say is you ain't got a "true sense of sin." That's the patter, ole feller, lor' bless yer it's easy enough for to learn ; If yer can't think of anythink else just groan when it comes to yer turn. Mighty slow ? well I'll tell yer — when these chaps first made their attack on this town There was Tommy and Dick and yours truly was all for a puttin' 'em down ; So when they comes out with their badges and uniforms gallant and gay, 1 guess you may bet yer last dollar we went — but it warn't to pray. Well at first it loas spicy — no error — real jam, sir, and somethin' to spare ; j Just didn't we frighten the women — O, Charley j you should 'aye been there. ' And then to catch one of their captings or colonels i or majors or what, A goin' 'ome all by hisself like — oh, didn't we give it 'im 'ot, Wot with eggs and with brickbats, etsettery, "which he never counted upon ;" Do yer twig it from "Patience," my pippin, " When he first put that uniform on," Which I prigged the badge orf of his buzzum, and when we had just about done, " Loo\ out, here's a bobby," save Dick, and there was an end to the fun. That's just how it all came about, for as you and me knows very well If a bobby or two's in the way a feller's a fool to play h — ll. Lor' bless yer, the cowards some folks are — I tell yer — the very next day When we all rolled up as per usual, but not, as I said, for to pray, Blow me, the psalm-singin' crawlers — they'd been and they'd got the perlice, It's mighty hard times, I declare, that they can't leave a feller at peace. Howsumever, we had for to lump it, for as I was sayin' just now, A feller's a fool when there's bobbies if he goes for to kick up a row. Well, Charley, they prayed and they preached, and saug, and it was mighty drear, For the place was that crowded with idjots, one 'ad n't a chance for to clear. One bloke was a nigger — no kiddin' — black under 's shirt as yer 'at, A regular j3ambo poor sang, and he sang very poorly — that's flat. If it warn't for them bloomin' bobbies we'd precious soon made the lot sink, For Faith may move mountains, my pippin, but it can't stand the wattle seed's stink. You must choose the right sort, youknow, Charley, and then when you split 'cm — oh, my ! But there — what the use of my talkin', dear boy, as if you warn't fly ? Besides, as I'm tryin' to tell you, I've found a <% more excellent way," Which, bein' interpreted, Charley, means I'm on a different lay. Don't think as I goes in for prayin', and sits on the penitents' bench, Not unless I can get a good slant to sit close by a good-lookin' wench ;. Then I groans, and she sighs ; " dear sister," I says, and "dear brother," says she, "Do yer feel converted?" she whispers, and I sobs and utters " That's me." Then we falls upon each other's necks, dear boy, in a couple o' cracks, And weeps floods of penitent tears down the smalls | of our mootual backs, And she lays her 'cad down on my shoulder ; " Hosanna," she faintly remarks, And I 'ugs 'er and 'owls 'allelujah— oh, Lor' ! it's the rummiest larx. That's the lay as I'm on now, my pippin, and I think that yer needs must allow That frightenin' the gals was a fool to the games you can 'aye with 'em now. Such gals, too, as once wouldn't look at yours truly, now tips me the wink. There's daughters of lawyers, and doctors, and parsons, and what do yer think — Vy I twigs my boss's own daughter a singin' like blazes away, So I catches 'er heye, and I 'owls, though I didn't know just what to say, But I opens my mouth like a gateway, and groaned, and bellered, and roared. And I findß her a waitin' outoide, and, " 'Arry," she, "fa tfee Lord , • -

r There is neither master nor servant," ; ** not mWe> Miss* nor female," says I. ; ' .- : I ain't seen her since, now I think on'fc, bufc for all that I'll bet yer she's fly. v 2STow the best of the 'ole bloomin' business, dear Charley, I tell yer, is this : That the .greater backslider you've been, the more charming convert you is, Leastwise if yer any ways 'andsome. Now, Tommy he says it's 'umbug, Don't see any fun in it nohow ; but Lor*, there, just look at his mug ; When he groans, and says he's converted, the gals won't tip him the touch, They tells him to go to the Capting, so he don'fc believe in it much. I've been ten times converted already, and mean. to be seventy times seven, For the gals likes the glory o' gettin' a goodlookin' sinner to 'even. ; Besides, Lor' bless yer, there's lots of 'em comes for a bit of a spree ; It's just like goin' to church, but a deal more easy and free, And who is to tell when yer huggin' an' squeezia* and kissin' like mad, If you're " doin' it unto the Lord," or because you likes it, my lad ; And I tell yer its mighty close quarters, and what with the crowdin' and all, You and me must be duffers, my pippins, if we ean!t get our arm round a gal, Which if she don't like it — why, 'ang it — of course it was brotherly love ; And you drops it and tells her to set her affections on things what's above. It's the safest game ever I played, and the crummie6t. 801 l up, old pal, I'll lend yer the badge that I prigged from the Capting. Yours faithfully, PS.— One thing I forgot for to tell yer ; they say that on one of these nights, While we're all agoin' it like blazes, the capting '11 turn out the lights ; I shall get near that sfcuck-up and 'orty Miss Thingabob then, if I can, My! Charley, what jam it will be, you surely won't miss it, ole man.