PEOPLE WE MEET.

Timaru Herald, Volume XXVII, Issue 1898, 29 November 1877, Page 4

PEOPLE WE MEET.

[Written for the Timaku Hebald.] chapter i. In our wanderings to and fro m this "vale of tears," we have frequently come across a Btorange looking thing, retaining something, but not overmuch, of the human form about it. It spends a great deal of its time at home— dressing and undressing, eating, reading annuals and all'sorts'of sentimental periodicals, copying out lovo songs, clipping and carving colored papets, inventing matchboxes, inventing impossible designs for a thousand and one never-to-be-completed different subjects, yarning, strumming, and humming. Abroad — it is chattering, giggling, singing, and playing, waltzing and quadrilling. This, we have been told, is a "Miss" of the nineteenth century ; and we have been drawn out .of jour habitual reserve into making the abrupt and somewhat irreverent enquiry, Can this thing have a soul or a mind ? It is a soft, simpering, hulk -and- water, fair-haired, pretty creature, who assents to every word that everybody says (except when the praises of some other of its own sex are heard), it has a continual reiteration of " bless nic " and "dear me," iv a tone of almost childish wonder, to everything that is related, and no theme seems either to tire or to interest it. It disclaims all privilege of thinking for itself, and professes always to bo "no judge," -whatever the question be (except beaux) ■whether it is religion or science, politics or weather. It Beems to be aware of nothing but that it has a pretty -face, indicated by the studied arrangements of its dress and its curls. It sings sweetly, though m an unmeaning tone, and it plays languidly. It can dance, too ; and it can read a French motto upon a bride's cake or a seal. It can also paint flowers and butterflies ; but, it cannot make pastry, nor grill a chop ! Yet it is jQot altogether a mere machine. There are unmistakeable indications of volition about it'j andj at times, when the actuating spirit does manifest itself, it betrays a spice of malevolence and envy, selfishness and dissimulation singularly at variance ■with itsgenernlly unruffled composure, and •with indifference. ■ But, let us not forget our well-deserved reputation for gallantry. We pursue the topic no further. There is another kind of thing which is distinguished from the previous named, by its wearing what are politely termed uow-£-:days■;•' " unmentionables." This is called " the bachelor" of the nineteenth century. .We frequently meet him. It is much easier to do so than to part from his company. He considers himself a philosopher, and as a matter of course, he must have a philosophical chat with you. He expatiates largely upou his love of home (if a boardinghouse can be called one), and... of,. his tnste for retirement wjiich is.a wicked departure from truth, the. more so:as it is. voluntary and consequently unnecessary; He also favors us with 1 voluminous promises of paying us a visit, but somehow be never comes. We will do justice to him: He possesses sufficient innate modesty to'- feel ashamed that he -'cannot 'return' tne compliment an'd t : invite ,us to pay Mm, a visit, and withal a sufficient, .tender regard for his owu feelings, because he knows' if he did, he'wbuld riot h'ea.r the ,last of .it from, his landlady for a,mo.iith. : There is, however, a spark of human kindHess m him, and one trait of secret benevolence sweetens the.,circumscribed,:enjoyment of. his soli* tarylife. ; A; part, and-not an.inconsiderable, party of "Ma narrowincome is devoted toxihe maintenance ■ of- an aged and decrepid'; relative ;• and without a grudge even i m! his heart is this given, although it greatly lessens nisjotyn external/comforts: ; We' also^ft^ri^meet with another specijniven of the genus bachelor. This is the-Tvealthy^ bjih w»a)i<wh'o. keeps house fof-'MpwjlfV and Avli'o; lias an- inherent, uua^cmintalneanti^ Herib more ever' 'thought', of marrying than of Xqrpwnjpg.'.h^mself. ■ ; He ..seldom goes oufc'.-tp.' Vyisit.. except it be to the house of . some ' kindred spirit, who keepß a table very {Similar; to : his .own, and therefore knows how to suit 'the 'fastidious palate of ißiich: a : guest, for we all know that "bitds-of a feather flock together:" But when he by some mischance does happen ! to bo' brought l within" the presence of female' society! lie secretly -afc'd spitefully bleßßes'hiiriself that he Has; not soirie splendid coiffure, or exorbitant sleeves or flounces to pay lorj AVhilp all the time he ■canJ'aflbrcV to' allow, bis servants to. waß^e or pocket at^ least, a foui;th of his income;' and o what' 1 Tvould almost maintain^ benevolent asylum is, thrown daily to $, JwsJsß)s., ungracious set . of domestic animals m lmmqn shape. To .him there is no. .highbri gratification m this life (and itia.rar^y.he .thinks of: another), than a good dinner m perfect season ;;and though , all) the fragrance; and^secretß of nature shouldlfailito affecthun; the savor of a; beef, arid hamshoW almost renders m 1 enthusiastic -and even' poetical. : TheYe is 1 also another of the' genus who; may be described as- the /' poor halfpay}'^ and ' we : know 1 ! of phe' : tp. tlie very lif ej ' ■ in ' Wellingtons ' : whoi ;wi thou| prompr tiori;" r ias .his ..'.time m the servjtce'cjf \-h'i'B cplintry, and t;he rest of it m aVin'otfmf^l and ; 'ceaselesarepining and Tain' regrets EoypVicirqviirijstance9 ; .-in.!thei pastjJWhidi'; cannpt /any more be altered than, Ite^canjbe' made young again. ' This is a"deecripjjion of that class who seem' by Bom^.|Laeyitable j necessity 1 to be the ' .f'.i'i.-iiLiJ j'S.i-\ !.:.'.■. )i '-■■« -<-' ■-•'■- ' -'■-

isolated beings that they are. Immured m some retired lodging, or perhaps a dangler at other men's tables— or, it may be he is too proud for that, and, because he has no table of his own to ask a friend to, he also never goes out, but dines three hundred and thirteen days out of the year on his second day's soupe 'inavjre and morsel of cold meat. This is the class whose heart you cannot reach except through the preliminary medium of tobacco or whiskey, and most probably both. Yet another kind of 'genus batchelor is to be found m the stiff pedantic man of letters whose erudition is overwhelming. He pores over his wretched volumes night and day and day and night. He has written folios by the hundred upon every conceivable subject under the sun, and secretly hates and despises an unappreciative, and, to his way of thinking, an ungrateful world. But though some fanciful and highly magnified ideas of astonishing that world which has so much incurred his august displeasure, and after all leaving a great name behind him, are continually passing through his brain, neither himself, poor man, nor yet the world, is ever the wiser for all his learned toil, and never will be. He is tall (generally) and starved looking, and extremely fantastic and fastidious m his dress. His conversation is incessant ; and were it not very dry and tedious, and monotonous, we could almost enjoy the very absurdity of it. He is particularly fond of fancying himself under the patronage of all the greatest people, and he omitteth not to quote them upon every favorable or unfavorable, convenient or inconvenient, m fact upon all possible, occasions ; and then he overpowers that portion of his auditory whom he has deluded into being listeners, with high sounding titles, and the most confoundedly indigestible accounts of the marvellous poofs of favor which he has received. He lives m as obscure a part of the town as he can conveniently discover, and, a female (how we dislike that word, but we cannot think of another) as eccentric-looking as himself, keeps house for him, and m her, poor man, he has his only sincere admirer. She implicitly believes all his wonderful recitals ; and if she could be made to utter her mind on the subject (for she is as silent as he is loquacious) she would most certainly and without reserve or hesitation pronounce him to be m her estimation, the wisest, tho best, and the greatest man upon earth. A.nd many such we have met.