HUMOUR IN THE SCHOOLS.

Taranaki Herald, Volume LXI, Issue 144086, 3 May 1913, Page 7

HUMOUR IN THE SCHOOLS.

AIR. H. J. BARKER’S STORIES. Mr. H. J. Barker, M.A., has published another volume of school stories, entitled “Little Humourists at School. Here are one or two samples;— A BOY’S EXCUSE. “A-bad excuse is better than none,” they say, and no one knows this better than tho schoolboy. Indeed, when a lad is charged with an offence his first impulse is to deny it iSomt-blank, but when the evidence against him is too strong he-has recourse to some sort ot excuse, however flimsy. .. ' On one occasion, during “recreation time, a group of four boys came up to their class teacher and informed him that a boy called Brown had put his fingers up to his nose at them. The teacher at once called Brown ' Vhe bovs then repeated the charge in his presence, making a special point of the fact that ho had used both hands. , “Well, Brown,” said tho teacher, “this is a very serious matter. 1 hover thought a scholar of mine woulcl, be guilty of sm-li rudeness. Do y.ou acknowledge yon did it?” Brown would no doubt hflvo promptly denied the charge, but the 'evidence against him was too overwhelming. So. after a moment’s hesitation, he blurted out: “Yes, sir; but—but I only did a little bit of it.” “WHEN I GET MARRIED”: A BOV’S RESOLUTIONS. The headmaster of a North London school gave his hoys a choice of two subjects for the composition exercise—viz.. “Love at Home,” or “When I get Married ” A minority of the boys chose the latter theme, and the following effusion is the most humorous of the batch;— “When I get married I shall choose a wife who .says that she will prove to be a good and useful mother. I shall not choose one of those who like to dress in line clothes, and who leave their babv at borne for the big sister to lake caro of. “When 1 am married, and when I draw my wages ok Saturday. I shall hurry straight home and give my wife a sovereign of it, and perhaps a halfcrown beside. It is a pity ior fathers to go to the public-house first after being paid, because ray mother rays it breaks into one of the half-crowns he has got. “1 shall treat my wile very kindly, and look her nice in tho face, and take her out when it in not raining, so that slie-can look about a bit and get the fresh air. 1 shall also buy her half a pork pie sometimes, or something like that, which she can hold under her •shawl or sleeves, and eat it without being seen as wo walk along. When wo have got some children I shall give her another half-crown or two a. week so that she can dress them nicely. If wo have any little girls I shall buy them thinner boots than tho boys, so that they will look nice, and be able to play skipping ropo better. I shall also buy all of them some sweets sometimes, hut not that sort which spoil their teeth when they crush it. I shall take eare that none of them catch colds, or have sore throats or chilblains. When it k very cold at night time after they have gone to bed, I sflall put my coat and things over their sheet, so that they will be warmer.” BLOWING HIS OWN TRUMPET. Children are very slow to apprehend the secondary or figurative meaning of a phrase or expression. They generally take what is read in their school books just as literally as it stands. The following illustrates this;— I was examining a class of young pupils, ages 9 to 10, in the subject of reading, when the expression “Blowing his own trumpet” occurred in the passage. “What is meant, boys,” I asked, “by the writer saying that the man was blowing his own trumpet ” “Blowing his own nose, sir,” promptly answered the boy who bad just read the passage. THE USEFULNESS OF THE SHEEP. In a reading lesson on such useful animals as the cow, horse, sheep, etc., occurred tho statement; “It may truly be said that the sheep is useful to man from head to foot,” “Can any boy tell me,” asked the master, “why it can truly be said that tho sheep is useful to ns from head to root?” No one responded at first, but presently a little urchin raised his hand. “Well, tell us, my boy,” said the master, encouragingly. “Why, sir,” he answered, “coze : t gives us nice sheep’s heads for our dinners and nice sheep’s trotters for our suppers.”