Page 4 Advertisements Column 1

Taranaki Herald, Volume XXX, Issue 3964, 11 February 1882, Page 4

"HT)?TMS» WEALTHY merchant who l^fi^Pj/^ had become bankrupt waa gj/g^jf met some time after his $3m£\^l misfortune by a friend, who <wjw3r*£3*i asked him how be wasgettiag on " Pretty well,'" said he ;"I am upon my legs again." "How — already ?" " Yea, I have been obliged to part with my carriage and horses, and rnuat now walk." Spirits over Proof. — Printers' derils. Neptune's Coat of Arms. — The creast of a wave. Bear and Forbear. — The bear and his hnuter. He who haa lost confidence can lose nothing more. A malicious eoemy is not so bad as a clumpy friend. Always Bouud to follow Suit. — Your tiilor's bill. Be charitable andindalgent to everyone but yourself. Passion costs to much to bestow it opon erery trifle. Long Range Practice. — Twenty years' experience as a cook. To what Disease is Tobacco Liable ? —Rapid consumption. The Kind of Wines for Veterinary Surgeons. — Bad hocks. They are never alone who are accompanied by noble thoughts. Affection whioh is Never Reciprocated. — -^Neuralgic affection Wanted, the receipt which is given when a gentleman peyg bia respects. " I spell it 'kaoghphy,' and Webster spells it 'coffee. 1 I kant tell wich ia rfghfc, Web or me." — Josh Billings. T-ronioal. — The young ladies of Boston are so learned that, when they wish to use a derisive phrase, they say, "Ob, my Ego !" Definition of a Mnff. — A thing that holds a young lady's hand without &qneez>ng it. It is said that eating onions will pre. Tent lips from chapping. It will certainly keep the chaps from tbe girls' lips. " How can I be good to myself ?" asked a young man of bis pastor. " By never being mean to others," was the reply. " John, who was it that said, 'Never argue with a fool ?' " " Some stupid old fellow, I snppose who didn't want to bs talked to." We read that a banker in San Francisco the other day "received a cool million." A nice thing for a hot day. If there is anything in tbis world that will make a mal« laugh bis tail off it is to see a man with a glass eye trying to wink at a pretty girl. What's the difference between a squall at sea and a squaller on land ? One is called a stress of weather, and tbe other is called eong-etreas. Russia finds nearly all her dreams of absolute power is Eastern Europe Disraealized. " I'll stake my reputation on it," said a noted boaster and pretender. " Humph !" said a cynical bystander, " but will you stake anything of valne?" " Those men," said old Uncle Dyckman, referring to two persons who had jost been having a quarrel, " bad very high word*, which formed very low expressions." When a young man in Patagonia wants a wife, he rides out and lassoes one, and io more civilised countries, when a yonng man wants a wife, bat does not come to time, tbe las-Boea him for a breach of promise. It makes a stuttering man awfnl mad to be drawn into a discussion about " the remonetization of the dollars of onr fathers," and the " necessity of an interconvertible bimetallic currence." A visitor to an art gallery said : " I like the statoos better'n I do tht. pietnres. I kin go all 'round the statoos, but kin see only one Bide of the pictures." In Italy seventeen million people can't write. But they can play a handorgan, and this is a talent in which to succeed and embark for the United Stateß doesn't require a knowledge of penmanship. Three fourths of the successful men of the day owe ranch of their prosperity to their wife's help. The load of life is so beavy that it takes a team of two to draw it. The ship not only wants a captain but a first mate. SUPPORT LOCAL INDUSTRY ! EDMONDS' ALE AND STOUT. ALES. — Bs. per dozen quarts ; ss. per doze ■■ pints. Strong Alec 10s por ' ..rn quart* ; 6s. per dozen pints. STOUT.— Bs. 6d. per dozen quarts. In allowance of 6d. per dozen for Cash. 3d. per dozen for bottles returned. Orders left with the following Agenta will be promptly attended to: — Webster Bbothebs, Devon-street ; 8. T, Cbockeb, Devon-street East ; J. W. EDMONDS, Powderham. street, baokof thf> Government Buildings; or at the Brewery, Frankley Koad, near Standish's Farm. 60 tc OATS FOR RACEHORSES AND MEAL FOR FATTENING PIGS AND POULTRY is novr specially offered by HONEYFIELD & READ, UNION MILLB. AMO, BLAOK OATS FOR GREEK FEED. 280 to