HONEYMOONS FOR ALL.

Taranaki Daily News, Volume LIV, Issue 109, 28 October 1911, Page 10

HONEYMOONS FOR ALL.

"Why not go on a honeymoon?" The agent of the American Matrimonial Adjustment Company had a moment before imperceptibly slipped into Ashton's ollice with that rare skill which come 3 to artists in the canvassing line. "What do you mean?" asked Ashtou. "If you will give me about a minute of your time, I will explain." "Go on." t "My company supplies brides for honeymoons. Now, sir, don't' get impatient and jump at conclusions. Wait until I am through." "But why should I go on a honeymoon "Simply because it is one of the fundamental, elemental, absorbing experiences of life. No man can be a complete man without it. All the sentiment, all the tenderness and poetry, all of the supreme ectasy of life is concentrated into that wonderful period. You are a man of wealth. One by one you have tried all of the things that money can buy—and exhausted them—except this, which we can offer you at a price that will astonish you. Every possible avenue of pleasure ,is open to you; all the higher feelings focussed into a delirium of bliss, which for you, who are a practical business man, will be all the greater after a life of hard work. It's all perfectly simple; we supply you with a bride—an unexceptionable bride, and we make all the arrangements. We have several classes of honeymoons. There is the lonesome honeymoon, quiet country inn, old-fashioned buggy rides,' bucolic joys and communing with Nature. Then there is the panorama honeymoon, Pullman cars, Niagara, Yosemite, mountain scenery, splendid hotels, moving humanity, in which you enjoy, with a sympathetic soul, all of the architectural beauties of your country. If you would like a European honeymoon, which is our most popular one, we can offer you any number of varieties."

Ashton was interested . That morning, sitting in his lonely bachelor apartments eating a solemn breakfast, he had Be> cretly longed for companionship. Loneis. the curse of celibacy. At the same time, Ashton knew better than to get married. He had . figured the thing all out on paper and for him ii was not wqjth the price. "She is the natural evolution of th# great woman's movement that is now sweeping over the world , The principle we went on when we started our wonderful business—with branches now in every oity—was that there were in this world any number of women ol the best families, rich, il you will, accomplished and handsome, who wanted to devote their lives either to art, to literature, or to politics, as the case may be, and who, like yourself, desired to hart the experience of a honeymoon befort they settled down, so to speak, into their life work. It was our business to find them, and we have done it. W« bring you together by a seientifli process. Now, in your case, let's see; you are about sft high, with dark hair, brown hair, aquiline nose, and a nervous, energetic temperament. Hum—ah, you will require a delightful little blonde, with a retrousse nose. By Jove! I hav« jujfe the one! And if she doesn't suit I can oner you others. What do you toy?" "Can I take a good look at them first?"

"Sure. We give a complete demonstration. Have her to yourself for an afternoon; you understand, of course, that she may not like you. It must be mutual. But I can assure you that with our experience we make very few miltakes. Occasionally we have to try again, but such is our judge of temperament that we can usually suit both parties on the first go off." "What's the price!" "Five thousand dollars. This includes all railroad tickets, hotel bills, every possible attention, couriers when neeessary, for six weeka, anywhere in the world. We bring you back to your office just as you were before, after having .been through the finest experience in the world—necessary, in fact, -to every human being in order to know the real meaning of life." "Isn't that high?"

"For what you get? I should say notl If you prefer a widow, of course, I can bring it down to 3000 dollars, but I wouldn't advise it. Do it right!" Ashton considered.

"I rather incline to your proposition," he said at last, "with the understanding, of course, that you can carry out your programme as outlined, after I have submitted the matter to my attorney, but

"That's perfectly agreeable to us. Our contracts are passed on already by the best legal talent in the country. Will furnish bond, if you desire, at a slight extra cost . Possibly this afternoon you would like to have a demonstration?" "Why, yes, but " Ashton leaned forward.

"One more_ thing occurs to me," he said. "Suppose by any possibility either of us should want to secure a divorce; it, might be awkward. I've seen sober friends of mine make fools of themselves and I myself realise that I might do the same thing.

"We understand that perfectly and have a plan that we find is perfectly devised to cover this contingency. In case you should desire to contimiQ. - wk v we charge you at the rate of five thousand dollars every year a.s long as the arrangement lasts. You may be enthusiastic at first, yon understand, but after you have been paying out a regular sum of a hundred dollars a week—well, it discourages permanent love. You sec, sir, it's a perfect system, and for our modern age and its intense requirements it works perfectly. Instead of running your own risk and paying alimony all the rest of your life, you pay for being married, and when you want to quit we make all the arrangements. What do you say to four o'clock this afternoon. I'll send my car." "Done."

One morning, two months later, the door of Asliton's office opened quietly and the graceful figure of the representative of tin- American Matrimonial Adjustment Company entered.

"Well, sir,-' be said, as lie shook hands, ''how was' it?"

I am hound to say that you have lilled your contract in every particular. I am so pleased that I sliail be glad to write you out an enthusiastic letter of praise, which you are at liberty to use."

"Thanks very much. That's the way we like to have our customers talk. And now about (lie tnture. Do you wish to continue, or shall [ present you with your relea.se napcrsV"

Aslilon reached forward for his clu iiur boids-.

"Send oyer the papers at once," he replied decisive!v, -'and from this date vou can 11 uI me down as a regular customer for six honeymoons a year."

"11l Ilia 1 case.'' replied the agent quietly, as be look' out his order book, we will, of course, allow vou our regular discount of 20 per cent. Good-morning. 1111,1 thanks for the order. I'll send the car at four, as usual.''—T.lVM'. in \'ew York Life.