A JEST OR TWO

Sun (Auckland), Volume II, Issue 584, 9 February 1929, Page 27

A JEST OR TWO

She’d Try Anything Once. —He— “Do you like Mencken?” She—“l don’t know. How do you do it?” New Traffic Jam. —“ls your daughter popular?” “Popular! Why, I can't park within three block of my house.” The Hope and the Risk. —“So you’re getting married again?” “Y’es, and I hope I’ll be happier than I was the last time.” “Be careful—sometimes one has a relapse which is worse than the original ailment.” Done Brown. —“My wife is an inveterate smoker. Why, three times she’s set the bed on fire with her ciragettes. Would you recommend a suit for divorce?” “Either that or a suit of asbestos pyjamas.” * * * Tickling the Colonel. —lt was n dark night at Aldershot, and in the gloom could be heard the sound of an approaching horse. "Hak! Who goes there?” barked Dio picket. “Regimental commander ” “Dismount, sir, and advance to be recognised.” The colonel dismounted and came over to the picket, who presented arms with a snap. “Proceed, sir!” he said. As he laboriously got back on his horse, the colonel asked: “By the way, who posted you there?” “Ob. nobody, sir.” replied the picket. *Tm just practising.”

Interfering Static. —“ Bobby, please stop that noise—l’m trying to gargle.” Sleeping Partners. —Nixon: You know my brother then? Dixon: Yes, we sleep in the same pew at church. Bu nch of Good Wishes* —Another serious social problem is what to send the florist’s daughter when she is ill. Pet Business. —“Ah manages * laundry.” “What’s the name of your laundry?” “Liza.” * * * Hot Air. —“ How is your room heated ?” “By hollering down and cussing at the janitor.” Authoritative. Professor: These aren’t my own figures I’m quoting. They’re the figures of a man who knows what he’s talking about. A Good Seller. —“Brown said he was painting now and liad sold four pictures—he inherited his talent from his father. “Was he a painter?” “No, a picture seller.” Doctor’s Orders. —David was not very well, and, as his mother crept into his bedroom, she whispered, “Are you awake, dear?” “No,” snorted David, “and the doctor said particularly I was not to be awakened to have my medicine!” Somewhere Else. —The wife of a famous English Bishop—whom we shall call John Smith —was recently very ill, and required a serious operation. As she recovered from the anesthetic, she was heard to murmur: “Am lin Heaven? Am lin Heaven? No. there’s John.”