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Southland Times, Issue 13428, 14 April 1896, Page 3

• Mr San ford -Is the old Idv *\ lio is talking to your father so earnestly your grandmother ? Freddie— That's what she is. Mr hanford — On your mother'*" side '! Freddie ; ' Yep, every time. ! Those in want of Vehicles are requested to call or write for prices aud photographs to W. H. Mathieson, through the Prince of Wales yards, as he is thoroughly conversant with the requirements of t he trade, and ein procure any kind of Vehicle required not in stock, including Harness of all kinds. Prompt replies cm be relied on. W. 11. ! Matiheson, American Carriage Factory, Prince of Waleß Yards. ! Fitzgerald says he's iles.irxled from some of tlie greatest houses in Ireland. Muleahy : Muslwi ! So lie did many's the toi me— on a laddher. ' Fat her— What is that soft, scratchy noise in the next room, which sounds like" something _ ripping 7 Mother-Oh, that i-- Maria learning to scratch a mat>-li n u her bloomers. ! Lefs, Wai*e& Co.— Home orders for this season's trade, which haa been purchased by W. Lewis & Co. are now arrivin", and we have arranged to sell them on their premises j (at Hall's corner). We desire you to note that this stock was purchased before the big advances in prices which has taken place, and, considerirg it must be realised on at an early date, a clean sweep must be made and we have marked every yard at marvellouj prices. For the convenience of those who have an objection to climb stairs we are arranging to keep ae much stock downstairs as possible. This sale is strictly cash, being run quite separate from our ordinary business.

Humber is Kino. — There ia no doubt of the fact that for road racing or touring, the one machine that is always to the front, and * he only machine " that gives entire satisfaction is the Humber. It pays to get a good cycle, so throw away your scrapiron and get a machine that you can depend on. There are more records put up on Hnmbers than all the other machines in the market sut together. We have just landed 60 [umbers direct from England and can give you a genuine Humber with 12 months guarantee for L22. We have also landed 40 Helical Tube Premiers. . The breaking strain of the material in the box from which these turbes are constructed is twice that of the ordinary ateel of which cycling frames are made and when formed into Patent Helical Tubing is more than twice the strength. We have now the largest stock of cycles and accessories in the colony and also a complete plant for the manufacture of cycles. Call and inspect stock ; you are not asked to buy. Godward and Mo Kenzie, Dee street, Invercargill.

He — I'd like a flower in my coat when I go.' She — I'll put it in now.

Teacher — What is a mother ? Chorus — The thing what cooks onr dinner. Are you, he inquired, ' a New Woman ?' We'l, she answered sharply, ' 1 don't think you or anybody else had better call nie an old woman.'

" We have had an opportunity of testing Mr Gawne's locally-made Sauce. Under all circumstances as we have often pointed »ut, it is a duty to support a local industry, which helps to find employment for our people and utilises largely the productß of our own country. In this case it is not only a duty but a pleasure, the Sauce submitted to us being of fine rich flavour, and piquant after taste.— Globe.

Collie— Why were yon walking on the roof this morning ? Chollie (who has a creditor in every street : It's the only way that I can get down to town .safely, don't eber know.

Mrs Trivvet — Do you think the animals have a language? Mi* Tiiwct — Well, I have often heard of Jdeer stalking.