Touch and Go.

Southern Cross, Volume 5, Issue 41, 15 January 1898, Page 8

Touch and Go.

A glance at tli3 foot of this column will reveal ray identity. Let no rash mortal, though he have ‘ heart of oak and triple brass,’ attempt to fathom the inscrutable. lam ‘ Maia’s winged child,’ only the said appendages are on my feet. My duties are varied, between waiting upon the gods as they feast upon ambrosia and quaff the choicest nectar, and bearing charming billet-doux fi’om g'*eat Jove, when some earth maiden seta his heart aflame.

Perfectly incog., I pass among mortals, and frequently when I ‘ touch ’ they ‘ go ’ —to 4 fresh fields and pastures new! I hereby make my debut. It is customary to do that. We look for it. Unlocked for events spring therefrom. It is unnecessary to state what they are. This city of the South is greatly favoured. We are in many respects exalted to heaven. Let us beware lest there is a corresponding depression. The latest favour is a visit from—let me break it greatly —Mi Jones, This is not the only Jones, nor the other Jones, but the other

Jones’ friend Jones, member for Timaru, Minister for Public Works. He has travelled upon our railways, and railways t hat- are to be ourssome day. Our genial visitor was radiant. He made speeches. He received deputations. He left early. Pity that. Personally, I wanted to make bis acquaintance. Our public works seem flagging baths and waterworks, for example. Might he not have suggested lines on which these might be run ? We can supply all the sleepers. But alas ! the opportunity is gone now. A deponent sayeth there are public buildings (and private ones too) in Tirnaru which bear the impress of his genius. Happy Timaiu ! How couldst thou trust thy treasure upon our barbarous lines P ' They might have buckled ! . ‘ Then let us scream Ion? live the Queen, And Hall-Jones, long live be ; And when he next doth come to town, May I be there to see. Favour upon favour ! Viscount Hampden and Lord Ranfurly ! ‘ Morn risen on midnoon.’ - R.I.P. The gospel of grab—-as preached, by John Bull—has made several converts, who, with all the ardour of new disciples, are seeking to improve upon their teacher. J.B. has another very important quality, viz.—‘ stick to it.’’ It remains to he seen whether they have copied him in this. Russia and Germany have seized a feather or two of the fowl that laid the (China) egg, and France is looking on with itching fingers. J.B. would have a feather in his cap—and something more —if he put his hands-: on the feathery-legged Cochin Chinaand said to all and sundry, ‘ Hands off! or shiver my ironclads I’ll knock ” We wait to see thefeathers fly. We expect they will by fair means or fowl. The bird will be first stuffed, then basted, and finally done to a turn. Hext pleased The next is India. These tribal fights are costing us dear. The Home Government have sown the wind of border extension, and are reaping the whirlwind of war, with its loss of brave men and waste of treasure. The natives will have to pay the piper, and the increased taxation will make the occupancy of the country harder to maintain. Sir Havelock-Alien is no more, and a link with Lucknow has been broken. He seems to have left his escort, and thereby Inst his life. The enemy was not slow to take advantage of his isolation. We cannot blame them.. They are fighting for country and independence, as we would do under the same circumstances. We begin to think its nater To take sarse and not be riled ; Who’d expect to see a tater All on eend at bein’ bilect ? I dunno but what its pooty Trainin’ round in bobtail coats, But its curus Christian dooty This ere cuttin’ folks’s throats. In fact its not Christian at all.. Some wars are justifiable, but this, is one for which there is no excuse. Still, these little wars furnish proofs that British pluck has not deteriorated. The heart .of every son of Scotia will leap at the heroism of Piper Findlater, of the Gordon Highlanders. Shot through both legs he can still pipe on merrily, though the dead and dying lie around him. Whilethis blood runs in our veins our laurels will not fade, nor will our prestige suffer. The ‘ thin red line ’ will win other Almas, Inkermans, and Waterloos. Life is made up of many scenes. Tragedy, comedy and screaming farce follow each other in rapid succession. It is well that it is so, otherwise tragedy would madden, and comedy tickle us to death. They are having the farcial, and plenty of it lately, in the Austrian Parliament. One irate member has brandished a knife and announced his intention to secure a revolver. Let our legislators beware. This is a distinct advance upon their little scenes. We used to regard those ‘ grave and reverend seigneurs ’ who made our laws, as embodied wisdom. and personified dignity. It was a childish ignorance ; But oh ’tis little joy To see our representatives Outrival the small boy.

The Auckland sensation makes, paintul .reading. The evidence of one of the doctors that he had driven two women recently from his doors who pestered him to perform the same operation which caused the death of the unfortunate young woman, reveals a sad state of things. Yet who protests ? We rail against the vices of society, and feel a virtuous glow at 1 Something attempted—nothing done.’ In the name of all morality, this destruction of pre-natal life should be branded as— murder. Mercury has three punctures. They are neither in his front nor back wheels. They are in his left atm. Many years since, MSsculapius innoculated him with cow pox from 10. He bellowed greatly, and no wonder. Nothing can be more unnatural than subjecting- the helpless to this revolting practice. It out-Herods Herod. It is a massacre of the innocents — legalised. The decrease of smali-pox is due, not to innoculation, but to increased sanitation. Let ‘Sanitas’ write again to the Post, and nail his colours to the mast, so to speak. Sound sense will yet triumph over legalised quackery. Mprcury.