Contributor.

Southern Cross, Volume 4, Issue 42, 30 January 1897, Page 6

Contributor.

EXPERIENCES OF AN- ENGLISHMAN IN DIFFERENT LANDS. (Told by Himsbelf.) CHAPTER 1., WHICH DEALS WITH HIS INFANCY. My name is Browne ; though possibly I can give no very logical reason for so doing, I wish to call your attention to the fact that it is spelled with a final B, in which fact I have alwas experienced a certain amount of pride. Owing to the vagaries of that fickle jade. Fortune, I am to-day as hard .up as the proverbial church mouse. Though I am well up in the forties, in fact on the verge of the half--century, I have amassed but few of this world’s goods. > . There are but two things of which I can boast the possession, and whether these possessions are a blessing -or a curse is a moot point, which 1 will leave ray readers to decide. First, then, let me state that I ■own a ponderous mortgage on some farm lands ; said mortgage, unlike the farm, no matter what the seasons may be, always yields a goodly number of bushels of interest to the acre, and bids fair to become —if indeed it has not already done so —a perfect hydra-beaded monster. Then, again, I am in possession of a remarkably retentive memory, which, if useful, is certainly not always a pleasant companion ; for there are some things, I take it, in the average life one would fain not recall; possibly it might bethought I were romancing did I state that I distinctly remember the day I was born, yet why should I not P I was certainly present on the occasion. But certain it is that I have a most vivid recollection of my christening, which took place in a London suburban church, near the Crystal Palace. With ray mind’s eye 1 can see the beautiful robe with which I was adorned ; beautifully embroidered by some dett and skilful hand, it appeared to me full of little holes like a cane-bottomed chair. At this, function my godfather and godmother most generously bestowed upon me the name of John Noble, and this in passing let me state, was all they over did bestow upon me. I remember how the parson, in performing the ceremony, gave me what I considered, with my infantile understanding, an amazingly large dose of water to come under the ■category of a sprinkle, which I duly resented in a very loud and demonstrative fashion, and from that day to this I have always had an antipathy to cold water, either for inward or outward application. I was number six of a mixed family of boys and girls which, all told, amounted to twelve; I was always looked upon as a beautiful baby, as a very paragon (those who used to tell me so, however, are never tired now of telling me how much I have changed). I passed the days of my infancy, as I suppose, in the absence of testimony to the contrary, my contemporaries did, viz., in eating, sleeping, crying, and being petted, which latter often meant being bothered to death. Some old maiden aunts and friends took a great interest in me, and in my juvenile brain I often blessed them when they wbuld pull me out of my little basinette, and force my mouth open with a finger to see if there was any appearance of that first tooth, which, for some unexplained reason, always causes such a commotion in families.

At last the day arrived, and it fell to the lot of the most proper and dignified of my aunts to discover the first appearance of ivory. Commotion is no name for the result of this discovery, 1 had a very bad quarter of an hour indeed ; first one and then another of my aunts and innumerable friends took me turn about to bug aud kiss me, and demonstrated their joy by taking nearly all the skin off my delicate little face

as it came in contact with the little side combs ladies of a doubtful age used to affect in those days, to say nothing of an occasional sharp nose dug into my little eye by my overenthusiastic relatives ; all the servants were rung up one at a time to examine, rejoice over, and criticise this wonderful tooth, and on each occasion my little mouth was levered open by a finger. As already stated, my babyhood was spent much in the orthodox way; a nursemaid of remarkably good looks and unimpeachable character was engaged to attend to all my little wants. Daily I was perambulated out into the park, and carefully watched over by the ever attentive Jemima, whom I soon found was in her turn watched over by a tall, redcoated, hig-moastached man in one of her Majesty’s regiments; daily they met and spooned under the park trees, whilst the sun was taking the skin off my little nose as I lay asleep in my little carriage, They say the course of true love never did run smooth, and Jemima’s case was not exceptional; her soldierlover’s regiment was ordered off to foreign parts. I will spare my readers an account of the parting, which was truly pathetic and sank deep into my baby heart—but there, were other red-coats left, and the heart-broken Jemima soon consoled herself. But lam disgressing.

Nothing very remarkable happened during my babyhood. I had most, if not all, of the ills that baby flesh is heir to, and I was dosed from time to time with all the vile compounds to be found in the pharmacopoeia. However I pulled through at all has always been a mystery to me. Those dear kind old aunts were forever pouring some nostrun down my throat, on the plea that So and So’s child, in the next square, had a gumboil on its elbow and it might be infectious, so of course I had to get outside a dose of somebody’s powder, soothing syrup, or something equally nasty. In spite of all I had to endure from these female dispensers I grew apace and was strong and healthy. At length the time arrived when it was deemed prudent to attire me in the orthodox garment affected by man. There was great rejoicing, winding up with a dinner party on the night of the day on which my little bandy legs were, for the first time, encased in trousers. After dinner I was trotted into dessert. I was exhibited to all and sundry, turned round and carefully inspected from every point of my anatomy, and held up for inspection before a jolly old bachelor uncle by the antiquated aunt, who said : ‘James, what do you think of the darling boy’s pants ?’ ‘ Humph !’ he retorted, ‘ call them pants, do you ?’ (at the same time slipping a bright half-sovereign into one of my pockets. ‘ Plenty of room for him to do a lot of panting in, I should think.’ After the round of inspection was over I was carried off to bed. (To be continued.) _