NONSENSE

Saturday Advertiser, Volume III, Issue 124, 24 November 1877, Page 19

NONSENSE

The freedom of the city of Glasgow- has been tendered to General Grant. -Now he can go Scot free, eh p What must be the potato-bug’s opinion of the humanity that goes around all day putting poison on the victuals of humble insects ? Very many dog-catchers have been bitten in New York. It js necessary to say that public safety requires that they be drowned at once. A travelling circus exhibits a horse that has no hair, mane, or tail. .But it is not true that an opposition concern intends to exhibit some hair, mane, and tail that has no horse. The statement that the coal fields of the world will be exhausted in two thousand years brings no permanent solace to the man who lias to carry the present daily supply for the family up three pairs of stairs. A broom with a heavy handle was sent as a wedding gift to a bride, with the following sentiment :

This trifling gift accept from me, It’s use I would commend; In sunshine use the brushy part, In storms the other end. “I came for the saw, sir.” “ Wliat saucer?” “Why, the saw, sir, that you borrowed!” “ I borrowed no saucer.” “Sure you did, sir; you borrowed a saw, sir.” “I never saw your saucer.” “But you did ; there’s the saw now, sir J” “ Oh, you want the saw ! Why didn’t you say so P” The American Architect has an article on “ The Destructive American Ant.” The most destructive aunt we know of is the country one that plumps herself down unexpectedly on your front door-step with seven valises, a bandbox, and a pet tom cat, and announces that she can’t stay more’n a couple of months. A Hackensack man was last midnight creeping softly along’ the bedroom floor on his hands and knees, and was feeling tenderly under the bureau for a something he had hidden there the evening before; but his wife woke and said, “ Peter, what under the heavens are you doing ?” “ Dear,” said he, “ I am walking in my sleep, and dreaming that I am plucking water-lilies from the soft blue bosom of the lake.” How to get that flask out of there before she got up in the morning was what worried him more than the water-lilies did.

“ And I must say, Ulysses,” remarked Mrs Grant, as she put on her night-cap, while the General swallowed his, at Windsor Castle t’other night, “I must say it was very rude of you to ask ‘ if the meter was frozen’ when they lit the candles at dinner 2 sTou know how hard times are, how high gas is, and what a large family Victoria has. I daresay she, poor thing, has to economise all she can. You know we had to when you were King —I mean President; and the good soul dropped off to sleep, leaving his Ex-ness to wonder whether Diev, et mon Droit, over the fireplace, was a Latin motto, and if so, whether it meant “No Smoking in Bed.” . Fire ! Fire !—“ Do those bells sound an alarm of fire?” said a stranger, the other Sunday, as the church bells were together the worshippers. “Yes,” was the reply, “ but the fire is in the next world. ’