THE LIGHT COLUMN.

Rangitikei Advocate and Manawatu Argus, Volume XLV, Issue 12019, 9 March 1920, Page 2

THE LIGHT COLUMN.

ALLEGED HUMOUR. Occasional Contributor: Has the edior got my joke? Office Boy; Not yet, but ’e’s trying ’ard ! Brown: Did your wif® cross question you when you got homo last night? Jones: My cross wife questioned me. Aline ;Is she so very masculine? Anna : Masculine I Why, actually I heard her confess that her shoes were too tight. He: I wish you’d drop the “mister” and call me plain George. She; Oh, but it would be very unkind to twit you about your looks. Bill, from the cart: But, George, you sliorly JJbain’t goin’ to cinema wi’out ffirst cleanin’ oop a bit? George: Ter doan’ ’ave ter—yer sit in the dark. The Yicar: I suppose you’ve a large family to support, Mrs Dempsey? Mrs Dempsey: I have, sir, and if they didn’t all earn their own living I couldn’t manage it. Lady Customer, elderly but coquettish : I don’t like this furniture. It isn’t suitable for my style. Dealer: What do you say to something antique then, madam? He: What on earth do you keep on clapping for? That last singer was awful. She; I know, but I liked the gown she wore, and I want to have another look at it. Lady Customer, hesitatingly: Er want to see some —er false fringes. Smart Salesman : Certainly madam, what particular shade does your friend usually wear? Small Boy: Mother, won’t you buy me a watch? Mother: What do you want a watch for? Small Boy: I want to swap it with Jimmie J«nes fer one of his pups. Hairdresser, to old gent: Will you try a bettle of our famous hair dye? Old Gent; I’ve had some thanks. Hairdresser: Was it all right? Old Gent: Oh, yes; the hair died all right. The waiter in a railway buffer came to the table where a passenger was seated. “Tea or coffee sir?” he asked.

“Don’t tell me,” begged the passenger earnestly; “don’t tell me—just let me guess!” “And they promised us a land fit for ’eroes to live In!” exclaimed the houseless demobbed one disgustedly. “Well, you’ve got it, haven’t you?” demanded his pal. “Nobody but a blinkin’ ’ero could stick it!” Boss, alter finding out that .Johnny had been telling lies: Johnny, do you know what becomes of little boys who tell lies? Johnny : Oh, yes. When they grow older the- firm sends them out as travellers, Missis; Isn’t that the postman, Mary? Who’s gone to the door? Mary; Please, ma'am, cook has. Mi«sis: Well, what’s she such a long time for? Mary; Please, ma’am, I think it must be a postcard Said Bert r,o Alf: Prices now is something shocking. No sooner do I cop a war bonus thau the missus wants more. Soon as I show my nose at night she asks for money for this and more money for that. Alf: Gaw! And what do she do with all that money? Bert: I duuno. I ain’t give her none yet.