A Tennessee Ghost

Poverty Bay Herald, Volume X, Issue 2026, 15 September 1883, Page 2 (Supplement)

A Tennessee Ghost

Comc3 to a house in Hamilton County, and rocks the baby to sleep every night. Now, then, by all the dwellers in the nether gloom, if there is a restless ghost of any old ancestor of ours would like to find steady employment at good wages in a quiet family and good neighborhood, we can give the perturbed spirit all it wants to do in the silent line of general housework, with Sunday afternoon for it3elf, and one night out every week when it could go around and raise a ghostly racket with the neighbors, and haunt all the lonely houses in the neighborhood. What a gem of a house-servant a ghost would be. Never "eass" back; always invisible. The pie would come on the table as though it were sailing through the air ; the carpet-sweeper would perform its noiseless functions without the howling accompaniment of " Gnah-na-gnah-na-tha-wah— that wur the place whayre the whisky is plenthy — whack ! fol dhe rol loll" And at night it could haunt all the objectionable neighbors until they fled the neighborhood, and property would depreciate seventy-five per cent., when we could buy it in and whack up with the ghost. No light and no fire required for the ghost's room. No private watchman wanted on the block ; no dog on the premises. When a burglar climbed in at the window, and felt the cold, clammy fingers of the ghost wriggling down the back of his neck ; when he drove a ten-inch bowie-knife clean through the ghost's bosom five times, and the. spectre smiled aadly at him, and showed him where his throat had been cut clear off nine years before — "how the robber would drop his kit and wing his restless flight to realms beyond the farther limits of the city corporate. And when the door- bell rang, the ghost would just stick its head clear through the key-hole and see who was there before the door was opened. And there would be no sweethearts loafing about the kitchen Sunday nights — ah, no. Truly, a ghost would be a great boon to the home, and if any of our readers know oi a ghost out of a Job, send him at once to thia office. — The Argonaut.