NOTES BY BLARNEY.

Patea Mail, Volume XI, Issue 24, 5 June 1885, Page 2

NOTES BY BLARNEY.

One good turn deserves to be supplemented by another, seems to be the maxim of the Maoris, and (heir punctilious adherence to this self-made adage is not only aggravated but intensely amusing. The Maoris themselves had to go round with the hat, and there are some people who, for charity’s sake we must consider non compus mentis who cheerfully subscribed their half-crowns to help defray the expenses of entertaining that bombastic and supercilious Maori, Titokowaru. There seems to be no definite object for having the gathering, it apparently being undertaken merely for the sake of the holiday as though they have not had enough holiday-making during the last six months. Titokowaru does not exactly regard it as a holiday, according to the speech be made yesterday. He has pul himself to this vast amount of trouble simply to tell the paJcehas of Patea that he will never, never, never take up the sword or use the gun against the white people, but that he much prefers to see them ( palcehas) peacefully engaged sowing the land with good pasture grasses. Some say a gigantic mistake was made in granting him the use of the Immigration Barracks, although I have no doubt he and his host would have intruded themselves on us trusting to a paternal government to protect them against eviction. The “ two days ” meeting has lasted over nine days during which time they have done little else besides cadging for tobacco, matches, old clothes, etc, howling most discordantly in front of shops, and liquoring up whenever they could get the opportunity. Surely these miserable parasities could have spent their time more profitably in tilling the land and tending their flocks and herds. Indolence begets much evil and we have it on the authority of Dr Watts, with whom wo are all more or less acquainted, that “ Satan finds some mischief still For idle hands to do.”

Perhaps the Mayor and some of the eouncillors who have exerted themselves so verj r much to pamper and pet and welcome the Maoris suggest a scheme by which the atmosphere can be purified, for it has been dangerously polluted since the Maori advent. I suppose we must expect a a repilion of this patronising farce unless wo impress these misguided people with the fact that we are not disposed to tolerate their presence here again as at the present time. Can any kind-hearted old dame or jmnng maid for the matter of that, inform me when the next “ latest fashion for ladies ” is duo in Patea, for (he girls with (heir bustles and their crinolines are almost too portly for the streets. The crinoline of to-day is not so large as it was 20 years ago, still it is large enough to become a street nuisance. Fashion has declared that a crinoline is a necessary female decoration this season, and of course the dear girls would sooner die than not obey the fickle goddess. I can understand the necessity for an artificial tooth or a wooden leg, but T fail to seo the efficacy of falsifying ones build with hoops ; No doubt we shall soon seo the maori wahines fully rigged fore and aft, I pray that fashion may soon bustle all bustles and other bloating machines from our midst.

A short, thick set mnn, with a gastric prominence, sandy whiskers, and who is to be invariably seen smoking either a cigar or a cigarette, is very fond of a joke. He likes a good joke,and the other day he was the originator of a very spicy one, which I don’t mind relating. As every one knows, the important position of Inspector of Nuisances and Poundkeeper to the Borough of Patea became vacant, and my joker induced a notorious character (totally unfit to hold the position) but who is the very embodiment of ethereal grace and dainty delicacy and‘whoso nocturnal occupation necessitates a vast consumption of three star brandy with an occasional dose of Gibbon’s special brew, to forward a well-worded letter to the Mayor hearing the endorsement of two •thcr notorious characters fitly described in a Wanganui journal as “ slightly sober ” follows, and (he final details of the joke were creditably arranged over a pot of beer. The first man, quite elated with himself, told some friends, who told their friends, till at last the joke was knowu_ to a considerable section of the community. When the tenders were officially opened and examined, this particular one was found to be non est ; some other fellow worked the oracle with a pint of beer. The joker docs not know to the present time that ho has boon “ had.”