PASSING NOTES.

Patea Mail, Volume VIII, Issue 967, 4 December 1882, Page 2

PASSING NOTES.

My dear Mr Editor, and my dear Public : I am a respectable tradesman in Patea ; bnt lam the victim,of a curious disorder. Yon all remember the night the comet first appeared ; it was on that night I was first attacked with it. I got up and gazed at the comet, shivered, sneezed, and went to bed again. Next morning I found myself possessed of an extraordinary mania for taking notes of things in general and men in particular. If I have anything interesting, down it goes. If I bump my head against an idea, down it goes. I have become a veritable Captain Cuttle for taking notes. My notes vary

with my moods. Sometimes I am serious, sometimes I joke, sometimes I am senlimal, sometimes I am bilious ; my notes of couise but reflect my condition. One thing I never am, and that is a mean, cowardly slanderer, so my note will never be such. If I hit out occasionally I shall never hit below the belt. As I seemed to have a bad attack of the disorder above mentioned, my medical advisors recommended me to publish my notes, and see if I cannot work off the malady before the comet returns and snuffs out the sun in 1884. However to my notes.

I was much surprised the other day to find what a rascally lot of public men there wore in Pa tea. On Wednesday the day on which the whole town was in a ferment to put a virtuous man at the head of Municipal affairs, as I walked down the street a respectable citizen stopped me and confided to me that one of the candidates was a dreadful scoundrel, He had left no path of vice untrodden—would not stick at anything from wife-beating to robbing a church. I, of course, determined to vote for the other candidate. No sooner, however, had my friend released my button hole, than respectable citizen No. 2, mollitcr manu iniposuit , laid hands on me, and murmured that he considered it his duty as an older man than myself, to advise me of the character of one of the candidates (the opposition one). I was horrified to find that according to this second citizen, candidate No. 2 was worse than the other. He was a body snatcher ! a thief! an assassin !

I closed my ears, and rushed to my shop, told the boy to put up the shutters, and fainted. On my telling my friend Grildrig I had determined to leave this Gomorrah after what I had heard—“ My dear follow,” said he, “stop where you are. Both candidates are exceedingly worthy fellows ; but in this town, for years past, followers of each, instead of singing the praises of their chief, have in their eagerness gone so far as to attack the

character of his opponent. They have told lies about these two gentlemen for such a length of time that they almost believe themselves. When you have been here a little longer you’ll get used to it.” “ 0 trumpery 1 0 Morris !’’—

as Charles Yellowplush has it. The distribution of prizes to the children of Patea is to take place directly, I hear. Heading books is irksome to a child. To encourage him what do •we do? Wo promise him another book for his pains ! I cannot bear olives : you promise me that if I’ll eat two yon will make me a present of a bottleful ! Was ever such an absurdity ? Test the thing practically. Put a kite, a bag of marbles, a bat, a ball, a big cake, adrnra, a tin of lollies, a pot of marmalade, a football, a ..whistle, a toy cannon and a Jew’s harp, on one side, and double the value in books on the other side. Give them their choice ; and if the youngsters don’t pick marmalade, marbles, kite, lollies aud -co., in-

stead of the books—then I’m a Dutchman ! Gentlemen of the Patea Education Committee, where are ye ? Come out, sirs ? Knuckle down and have a good game of marbles ! Be boys again; then you can understand a boy’s wants. By-the-by, why does not some enterprising individual get a small steam launch and run it up the Patea river for picnics and excursions every Saturday and Sunday. A good shallow little steamer able to carry twenty-five or thirty passengers would not cost much and the beautiful scenery would always ensure a full passage. I went up the other day many miles in a boat. trees were loaded with aonvolvnlus in full bloom, looking like snow and filling the air with perfume. The deep belllike notes of the tui echoed occasionally through the forest ; and every now and then whirred past like a blaze of colours, a kingfisher or a paraqueet—an intoxicating fairy scene. Appear speculator ! —start a joint stock company ! Wbat a shame it is that the Crown should sell land to the very edge of the river. The bush is being cleared in places down to the very banks, and the sides are crumbling into the current and a rich alluvial deposit is being formed in the port to amuse the Harbour Board, and irritate the mercantile portion of this community. Where is the Major ? At him electors 1 My friend Grildrig has handed me the following “ pome ” he calls it. Listen : A REFLECTION. Walk on, talk on, Bustle on through life, Shove away, love away Till you get a wife. Save well, behave well, And when your labours cease, Your sons well bred,your daughters wed, Your spirit yield in peace. e • o * Thus all the strife of man’s whole life But two short verses tie ; Think in your mind you will but find They’re bred, they’re wed, they’re dead ! What do you think of it ? Addios. iETAP Nambsdort.